


Oh Can’t You See, You Belong To Me

by deadto27



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Break ups and make ups, But not in a scary way, Explicit Sexual Content, Like really really likes him, M/M, Possessive Steve Rogers, Slow Burn, Smut, Stalker Steve Rogers, Stalker!Steve, Steve is Manipulative, Steve is a bit nuts, Steve just really likes Bucky, Steve stalks like a 13 year old girl, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:26:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 79,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadto27/pseuds/deadto27
Summary: Bucky Barnes has recently moved to New York and things are looking up. He's got a great new job working for Tony Stark, he has a nice apartment, and his boyfriend Peter is fun. He just needs some friends. Unfortunately Steve Rogers doesn't seem to want to bejustfriends.-----The train started to get more crowded as it got closer to the city. Bucky stood to let an older woman sit down. She smiled at him gratefully. He grabbed a metal pole and tried to keep at least a fraction of space between himself and the people around him. Oh the joys of the New York City subway.The train jerked suddenly and Bucky accidentally bumped into a broad chest. He looked up from where he’d been looking at the floor, to find its owner, a tall blond man, who’d put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to steady him.“Sorry,” Bucky mumbled. The dude just smiled and let go of him. Bucky went back to looking at his own feet.





	1. Every breath you take

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it goes without saying, but stalking is a crime, it's not romantic or sweet and I am not condoning it in any way in the real world. That said, this is fiction so I can write what I want. Also it never goes violent, in case you find that problematic.
> 
>  

Bucky was nervous. He sat jiggling his knee a little, trying to focus on the soft rock music playing through his headphones as the train rolled on.

It was the first day at his new job. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed it, but he was going to be working as Tony Stark’s personal assistant. Well, one of them. The guy had three who all handled different things for him. Of course he did, he was the richest man in the city and his schedule was unlike any Bucky had ever seen.

So sure, it wasn’t Bucky’s dream job, but he was organised and quick and felt he could do a good job and the salary was crazily good for a PA. He just hoped Mr Stark was alright. He hadn’t met him yet and if he trusted the media, the guy was all ego and sark.

The train started to get more crowded as it got closer to the city. Bucky stood to let an older woman sit down. She smiled at him gratefully. He grabbed a metal pole and tried to keep at least a fraction of space between himself and the people around him. Oh the joys of the New York City subway.

The train jerked suddenly and Bucky accidentally bumped into a broad chest. He looked up from where he’d been looking at the floor, to find its owner, a tall blond man, who’d put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to steady him.

“Sorry,” Bucky mumbled. The dude just smiled and let go of him. Bucky went back to looking at his own feet.

They finally reached 51st Street and Bucky followed a few people out. God, doing this journey every day was going to suck. It was about forty minutes from Nevins Street, but felt like so much longer when he was crowded up against so many people. It was going to be pretty cool working in Manhattan though. Bucky had only moved to New York around six months ago and had been working as an admin assistant in Brooklyn until now, so this was so much better. He looked up to see Stark Tower looming above him, all glass and metal, soaring into the sky, looking like it was touching the clouds, just a block from the subway.

Bucky took out his headphones and pulled out his phone to turn off his music as he walked. Peter had sent him a good luck message. That was nice of him to remember, even though he was away on some company training thing. Bucky smiled to himself and sent back a quick thanks and a heart.

He arrived early at Stark Tower. He was pleased—he wanted to make a good impression. It ended up taking two hours just to get through security and get all his passes sorted out though, while they stared at him like he was a potential terrorist or something. He guessed Mr Stark couldn’t be too careful. He’d already had to go through numerous background checks when they’d offered him the job.

He felt pretty stressed as he was finally escorted to the sixty-third floor, security pass clipped to his jacket, wiping his slightly sweaty palms on the pants of the dark blue suit he was wearing. Good thing he wasn’t afraid of heights or elevators, or doing this every day would be a nightmare. The security man with him was very stoic and didn’t attempt to engage in conversation so Bucky just stood in silence with him as the elevator zoomed upwards.

A small auburn-haired woman greeted him when they arrived at the floor, reaching to shake his hand as he stepped off the elevator. She was dressed in a dark red blouse and a black pencil skirt with black heels and Bucky was suddenly very glad he’d worn a suit. “Hi, Mr Barnes, I’m Wanda Maximoff, Tony’s other PA.”

Bucky shook her hand as the security guy went back down in the elevator. “Nice to meet you. Call me Bucky, please,” he said, before wondering if he should have used James. Maybe that would have sounded more professional.

Wanda didn’t seem to mind. “Bucky then. Do you want to put your stuff down here?” she said, gesturing to a desk. “I’ll take you to meet Tony in a minute.”

“Sure, thanks.” Bucky put his bag down on the chair next to the desk. His desk, he supposed. It was pretty fancy and just a couple of feet over from what he assumed was Wanda’s desk. Most of the furniture was made from a dark walnut wood, which contrasted nicely with the light gray and cream walls. Behind Wanda’s desk were floor to ceiling windows and Bucky took in the amazing view over the city. It was truly incredible.

“I thought Mr Stark had three assistants?” he queried as he noticed a third desk, but realised it looked as bare as his.

“Ah, yes, he did. He fired the other one last week,” Wanda admitted.

Oh. Well that wasn’t good. Bucky really didn’t want to be fired. He wondered what the assistant had done.

“Anyway, Tony’s office is just through here. He’s just finishing a meeting,” Wanda explained, escorting him through the glass double doors to wait in a nice seating area with leather couches and chairs, before another set of frosted glass doors. Wanda didn’t sit though so neither did Bucky.

“Well maybe you’re an idiot.” Bucky heard a raised voice coming through the doors. Wanda looked like she was suppressing a smile when he looked at her.

“I have more important people to deal with,” the voice said loudly again before the doors opened and out walked Tony Stark, followed by Bruce Banner. Bucky recognised him from the research he’d done on the company. Dr Banner ran the science division of Stark Industries.

“See you next week, asshole,” Tony said to Bruce. The tone was confusing though, he sounded kind of happy and Bucky realised maybe he was hearing banter between friends instead of enemies.

“Can’t wait,” Bruce said as he passed by Bucky and Wanda, giving them a little nod as he left.

“Who’s this?” Tony asked bluntly, staring at Bucky. “Did I get a new bodyguard?” he asked Wanda.

“This is Bucky Barnes, your new assistant,” Wanda introduced him.

“Huh.” Tony looked him up and down. “Lucky me.”

Bucky felt a little uncomfortable at the long look he was being given. He stuck out his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Mr Stark.”

Tony didn’t shake his hand. “I don’t do handshakes. Some people have germs. Some have neurotoxins.”

“Oh, ah, of course,” Bucky stuttered, pulling his hand back. That sounded pretty paranoid to him, but then who was he to argue.

“I suppose I could make an exception for touching you though,” Tony said thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow.

Bucky felt his cheeks colouring. That was definitely a leer Mr Stark had just given him.

“Tony...” Wanda said in a warning voice.

He waved his hand in the air. “Right, right. Sexual harassment bad. But look at the pretty,” he gestured towards Bucky.

Bucky didn’t think anyone had called him pretty before. Maybe Tony was being serious, or maybe he was making fun of Bucky and his long hair, that he’d tied into a neat bun. He felt his face heating up further. He didn’t know how to respond or if he even should.

“Tony,” Wanda sighed. “You’re one step away from a lawsuit.”

“Okay, okay. So how will you be looking after me?” he asked Bucky, sounding more professional again.

Bucky was grateful to be back on topic. “I was told I’ll be mostly working on managing your projects and meetings for them, Mr Stark,” Bucky said, remembering from the interview.

“Great. Wanda here organises company things and my personal life. She’s my favourite person most days.”

Wanda smiled. “Not on the days when I bring him kale smoothies though.”

Bucky laughed politely.

“She’s also sort of in charge of my health,” Tony added, walking through the doors to Bucky and Wanda’s desks. “I used to have another assistant, but I don’t want three anymore, so it’s just going to be you two,” he continued as they followed him.

“Where am I off to next?” Tony asked Wanda as he came to a stop and started buttoning the jacket of his gray, very expensive-looking suit.

“You’ve got a meeting at Marvel Architects. Happy is in the car downstairs,” Wanda told him, without checking.

“Excellent. Right, well, you show Barnes around. Barnes, great to meet you.” He started heading for the door. “Oh and call me Tony,” he yelled back over his shoulder before he left.

Well, that could have been worse, Bucky thought. He was nicer than Bucky had expected, a little flirty, but otherwise okay. He hoped he’d made a good impression in the short time they’d had and that Tony hadn’t been making fun of him.

“Not what you expected?” Wanda asked him, with an interested smile.

“No, I mean...um, he seems nice,” Bucky replied. It was hard to tell from a first meeting, but he really didn’t seem so bad. Even a tiny bit awkward, Bucky thought.

Wanda smiled. She had a nice genuine smile that made Bucky smile in return. “He’s a lot nicer than people think. But don’t go telling people that. Tony likes his public persona.”

She moved a little further into the office. Bucky followed.

“So, we’re basically the only people on this floor except security next door and then through Tony’s office he has living quarters. As you can imagine, that’s why security is so tight here. You can’t invite anyone up and no one from anywhere in the building is allowed up without proper authorisation. Do not, under any circumstances, use your card to let someone up,” she warned him seriously.

Bucky nodded. “I understand.” Maybe it was weird, but he sort of felt a bit self-important that he got to be up here and almost no one else did, which was stupid because he was essentially being paid to be someone’s gofer.

Wanda pointed at a door to their left. “Toilets and kitchen are through there and the main catering is on the fortieth floor. The food is all free and they have a really great chef. I’ll take you there at lunchtime.”

Bucky felt his eyes widen, but tried to stay cool. This place was amazing. Free food meant less money spent. Bucky was trying really hard to save up since New York was so expensive to live in.

“There’s also a gym on the same floor, also free for staff,” she added.

Bucky preferred running for his exercise and using his free weights at home, but a free gym was still pretty cool. He might make use of it occasionally.

“For the first couple of weeks I’ll just be showing you the ropes. Do you want a coffee or anything before we get started?” Wanda continued.

“No thank you, I’m fine,” Bucky replied. He was suddenly itching to get started and learn from Wanda.

Wanda smiled warmly. “Okay. Let’s get started.”

 

****

 

If Bucky learnt two things from his first day, it was this—Tony was almost constantly in meetings, and Wanda was excellent at her job. He was going to have to learn fast to be able to keep up.

He’d also learnt that the ‘must be willing to work flexible hours’ from the job advertisement meant he could be working till late at night if needed, with paid overtime, of course, Wanda had assured him.

Wanda had let him go at the normal time of five-thirty that day though, seeing as it was his first day and he’d had a lot to take in. She’d been great though, showing him the systems they used and giving Bucky a rundown of Tony’s current projects, as well as telling him short biographies on the people he would be most likely to meet in the first few weeks. She’d also set him up with a tablet for work, as well as set up his computer, which was the most sophisticated bit of tech he’d ever seen, and way more than he needed considering he was just an assistant.

As Bucky stood on the train, headphones in again as he made the journey back home to Brooklyn, he felt tired but pleased. It seemed like a good job so far. He’d definitely had worse first days.

More people got on at the next stop and Bucky got more and more squished. Someone was pushed into his side and he glanced over. A large blond man was looking apologetically at him. Bucky couldn’t hear him but he looked like he’d said something to him.

“Sorry?” Bucky pulled out a headphone and peered at him.

“Just said hi again,” the man said with a smile.

Bucky nodded on reflex. He wasn’t sure what the guy meant by again. He was pretty sure he hadn’t met him before.

“You were on my train this morning,” the guy explained. Bucky must have looked confused. He’d never been great at hiding his emotions.

“Right, sorry again,” Bucky said. He vaguely remembered bumping into this guy now. He seemed nice enough, but he was breaking subway etiquette of standing quietly. Bucky gave him a small smile and put his headphone back in.

When he finally got home, Bucky flopped onto the sofa. He took his phone out and put it on the coffee table. He didn’t have any more messages from Peter, but that was cool. He was probably still busy with his work thing.

Bucky untied his hair from the small bun it had managed to stay mostly tidy in all day, and switched the TV on, more for background noise than anything else. Living alone was so much better than living with roommates, but Bucky liked to have the noise to keep him company sometimes.

He eventually dragged himself up to make dinner. A while later he decided to go on an evening run down by the water—his favoured running place. When he got back, he was so tired, he fell asleep before ten.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments welcome :) It's a bit of a slow start, but it'll kick off, promise.


	2. Every move you make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's Steve! (read that in a voice like 'Here's Johnny!' - if you don't get that reference, I can't help you).
> 
> Bucky's first week and meeting Steve with actual talking this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say updates Sunday? Apparently I meant Saturday or Sunday and this chapter was ready so...

“Barnes, can you come here for a minute?” Tony’s voice called to him.

Bucky instantly stood, taking his tablet with him. In the last couple of days he had learnt to always be ready to write stuff down when Tony called him.

“Yes, sir?” he asked as he entered Tony’s office. Tony was leaning over his desk, looking at two large tablets side by side.

“Come look at these,” Tony requested, not looking up.

Bucky walked round to have a look. They were designs for a building Tony was working on, to be built in Tokyo, the first Stark Industries building outside the U.S. It was a big deal and taking up a lot of Tony’s time lately or so Wanda had told him.

“Which one do you like better?” Tony asked.

Bucky blinked in surprise. “Sir?” he questioned.

“Tony, remember. I can’t decide so you get to pick. Go on instinct. Which looks cooler?” Tony told him, now looking at Bucky.

Bucky thought that was a strange way to make a business decision but okay. He gave them both a look over. “This one,” he finally picked. It had a more unique design, he thought, with a cool curve to the building. The other one was just a bit more boring and normal and Tony was anything but that.

Tony didn’t even ask why. “Great. Call Marvel and tell them I want Rogers here next...” he paused. “When am I free?”

Bucky pulled up his calendar, looking for the next free space. “A week from now on the eighteenth?”

Tony sighed loudly. “Fine. Why am I always so damn busy?”

Bucky chuckled. “Because you’re so successful.” Tony was only free in a week because of a cancellation at any rate.

Tony smiled widely. “Now _that_ was a good answer. Do I have lunch plans?” he asked, shutting down the tablets and shoving them into a desk drawer.

“Yes, with Professor Xavier in an hour,” Bucky replied, without checking this time. He’d tried to memorise the current day’s plan, just like Wanda did.

Tony let out a groan. “Oh I so cannot be fucked.”

Bucky suppressed a smile at his swearing. He was really liking Tony more and more.

“Cancel him,” Tony said decisively. “I’m going to lunch with you and Wanda.”

Bucky looked at him in surprise. “Yes si...I mean, Tony.”

Around twenty minutes later, after Bucky had made a very apologetic phone call to Professor Xavier’s secretary, he, Wanda and Tony were in the elevator heading to the fortieth floor. Wanda was giving him a strange look, like she couldn’t believe Tony was going with them. Bucky realised this had probably rarely happened before, if ever. He figured that was pretty cool. It would also be cool to get to have lunch with Wanda, seeing as they usually had to take their lunches at different times, so one of them was always there whenever Tony needed them.

“Now remember Barnes, I don’t like people, so you’re not just my assistant, you’re my bodyguard,” Tony told him.

Bucky blinked. “Umm...”

Wanda cut in. “Just tell people he’s on lunch and to make an appointment if someone tries to talk to him,” she advised kindly.

Tony nodded. “What she said.”

Bucky wasn’t really prepared for arriving in the busy cafeteria next to Tony Stark. As soon as people started noticing him, almost every eye was on them. Bucky really didn’t like attention like that. He could almost feel himself starting to sweat.

Tony strode over to the table furthest from other people, in the far corner of the room. He walked like no one else existed, as though he couldn’t see or feel the eyes on him, gliding through the room as though the room was moving around him and not the other way round. Bucky wished he could be that confident.

“Go with him, I’ll get food,” Wanda told him.

Bucky quickly headed after Tony and sat down with him on one of the four jewel-coloured acrylic chairs surrounding the table. He chose the emerald one opposite Tony’s purple one.

“So this is what it’s like here,” Tony mused, taking a look around, apparently unconcerned with the staring.

“You haven’t been here before?” Bucky asked, confirming his suspicions.

“No. But I’ve got you here to look after me,” Tony said with a smirk.

Bucky rolled his eyes at the flirting before realising he’d rolled his eyes at his boss. _Shit_.

Tony let out a loud laugh. “See, this is why I like you, Barnes. You don’t bullshit. I don’t think you have it in you. Well, that and the view’s good too.”

 _Well, thank god for that_ , Bucky thought. “Come on, Tony, did you forget what Wanda said?” Bucky reprimanded him lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair.

Buck really couldn’t tell if Tony was just joking or if he actually had a thing for him. Either way, he didn’t really mind so much, as long as Tony kept it at this level. It wasn’t like he would ever get involved with his boss and it did seem like Tony’s comments were more for fun than anything serious. It just seemed to be part of who he was.

“Was he flirting again?” Wanda asked as she arrived with a tray of food and a member of staff carrying another for her, which they set down before they left, with Wanda’s thanks. “Bucky isn’t here for you to look at, Tony,” she reminded him, sitting on the ruby red chair.

Tony took the dish he was given and poked at it with a fork, like he was suspicious of what it was. “I know. He’s actually pretty funny.”

Bucky felt himself blush. His boss thought he was funny? He supposed that was a good thing. Maybe that was why Tony had decided to come to lunch with them.

Tony was also pretty funny, he found out, as they all chatted easily through lunch. It was really cool to have a boss at Tony’s level willing to eat with them and talk to them. Tony didn’t act like he was above anyone and Bucky found that refreshing. He asked Tony about founding the company and that was when Tony got really animated, telling him all about it. Bucky found it fascinating and inspiring, not that Bucky wanted his own company, but the work Tony had done to get to this point was incredible.

Getting to know Tony more meant he wasn’t even annoyed when Tony asked him to stay late to confirm some Tokyo building details via Skype with the team there, due to the time difference. Wanda worked until six, before leaving him to it with a sympathetic smile.

Tony proved once again how cool he was though, getting fancy coffee delivered, along with a tray of mini muffins in all different flavours. Bucky might have eaten one of each. And then three more of the raspberry and white chocolate ones after that. Tony even had a pizza delivered for Bucky around eight, though he’d left by that point to go to an event at the Met. Bucky was feeling very spoiled as he confirmed details with the Tokyo office. It was almost nine when he left work though. He felt exhausted. At least the subway was quieter. He settled onto a seat, headphones in.

At the next stop someone sat next to him, which was a little annoying because there were a few other free seats and why were there always some weirdos who sat next to someone when they didn’t have to? Bucky glanced over to see the tall blond guy again. He’d seen him a couple of mornings that week on the train when he’d been paying attention.

“Hey! You again,” the guy said with a little smile.

Bucky heard him this time as a song had just finished. He plucked a headphone from the ear nearest to the guy to be polite. “Hi,” he replied.

“Working late?” the guy asked.

Bucky sighed internally. This guy was obviously one of those cheery people who liked to chat to anyone, even strangers. Bucky would much rather disappear into his music collection. “Yeah, you?” he asked succinctly.

He took a proper look at the guy now. He was wearing a fancy suit and he looked expensive. Tony told him he could wear what he wanted to work, especially seeing as Tony himself often wandered around in vintage band t-shirts, but Bucky tried to keep it fairly smart anyway. First impressions were important. His usual office outfit was a button-down shirt and nice pants, but with no tie.

“Yeah, busy day,” the guy replied with a bright smile. “What do you do?”

Oh great, now they were having an actual conversation. Maybe if he kept his answers short, the guy would get the hint. “Personal assistant,” he replied.

“Wow, got a tough boss then?” he asked, his piercing blue eyes all sympathetic looking.

“Nah,” Bucky shook his head. “He’s great, just works really hard and like, all the time.”

“Ah,” the guy replied. “I’m Steve, by the way.”

Oh great, now the stranger wanted his name. “Bucky,” he replied.

The guy’s, Steve’s, face sort of lit up. “Nice to meet you,” Steve said, putting his hand out.

Bucky fumbled to put his phone away and shook it. Steve had a firm grip. “Yeah, you too.” He sort of hoped that was the end of it. His mother had warned him that New Yorkers were unfriendly, but Steve was proving her wrong. Bucky thought he might have preferred it if his mom had been correct. He was okay at faking small talk, but that didn’t mean he really enjoyed it.

“Sorry if this is forward, but do you like guys?” Steve suddenly said, leaning in, his voice pretty quiet.

Bucky froze. What a weird question to ask someone out of the blue. Was he about to be the target of a hate crime? Then he replayed what Steve had said in his head and saw the hopeful look in Steve’s eyes and realisation flooded him. Steve had been trying to flirt with him. That’s why he wanted to talk. Jeez, Bucky must be too used to Tony’s over the top flirting to recognise the subtle kind. In his defence, it was really, really subtle.

He looked at Steve. “I, um, yeah, but I have a boyfriend,” he told him. Steve was cute and all—okay, really cute—but Bucky had Peter and he didn’t really notice other guys so much anymore.

Steve looked happy and then sad all at once. “Oh. Can I give you my number?”

Bucky frowned a little. “Um, no? Got a boyfriend,” he said again in case maybe Steve hadn’t heard him properly.

“Right, right,” Steve murmured to himself, looking away for a moment.

Bucky thought about putting his headphone back in.

“Is that true or is that just what you tell random guys who ask you out on the train?” Steve asked outright, turning back to look at him with a wry smile.

Bucky smiled a little at that and let out a little huff of amusement. “It’s true.” He flicked his phone on and showed Steve his background of him and Peter. They’d taken it on their fifth date, sitting in Central Park together. Peter had been showing him the city.

Steve’s face fell and Bucky felt kind of bad. He seemed like a decent guy and rejection always sucked, no matter the reason. “Thanks, though. You seem like a nice guy, Steve,” Bucky told him. He had to hand it to Steve—at least he put himself out there. Bucky would never have the guts to just go up to a stranger like that.

Steve brightened up a little. “Thanks. I’ve been seeing you each morning and I just had to try, you know? You’re all kinds of gorgeous. Should have figured you were taken.”

Bucky blushed at the outright compliment and scratched behind his ear, ducking his head down. Steve really was more than cute now he’d taken the time to really pay attention. He was actually one of the most handsome guys Bucky had seen in real life. He was flattered. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“So are you happy with this guy?” Steve asked.

Bucky forgot about being flattered. “Um, that’s a little personal, don’t you think?” he tried to say lightly.

Steve shrugged. “Fair enough. Just trying to figure out what my chances are.”

Bucky frowned. Okay, there was flirting and then there was trying too hard and not getting it. “Got to put them at zero, Steve,” he said, finally putting his other headphone back in and turning his head back to face forward.

“Only up to go from there then,” he heard Steve say with a little laugh.

They didn’t speak again for the rest of the journey until Steve got off at the stop before him. He patted Bucky’s shoulder lightly as he left, like they were friends. “See you, Bucky,” he said casually.

Bucky watched him go. Steve looked back at him as he walked and the train pulled away, giving Bucky a wave.

Bucky frowned to himself. What a strange, but friendly guy. A little overly familiar. Still, some people were just like that, easily talking to people like they’d been friends for ages. Bucky put the odd encounter out of his mind as the train rolled on. He’d said no and that was that.

 

****

 

Steve felt enchanted on his walk home. _Bucky_. What an odd but oddly perfect name for the most beautiful man he’d ever laid eyes on. Steve’s whole week had been taken up with thoughts of him ever since Bucky had accidently knocked into him on the train. His first thought when he’d seen him had been that a face that perfect should be in a museum somewhere. Each time he’d seen him after that, Steve had been dying to talk to him.

He’d quickly figured out that Bucky took the same train as him in the morning and got off one stop before him. Bucky’s train home was a little harder to work out. The first day he’d seen him, Bucky was on the same train home as him. Steve just knew it was fate. He’d tried to talk to him, but it had been too crowded.

The next day, Steve had worked a little late so he hadn’t seen Bucky on the way home. The day after that Bucky hadn’t been on the same train back. Steve started to get annoyed that fate was screwing with him until today when Steve had worked late and then gone out for drinks with Nat and Clint. He’d got on the train home at a different station than usual, but there he was, Bucky, just sitting there as though waiting for Steve to talk to him.

And god, had it been perfect. Bucky had a great voice, just hearing him speak sent shivers down Steve’s spine, and he had this sort of closed off, almost cautious way about him, but he still gave Steve his name and Steve had been elated to find it out. He’d also been elated to find out Bucky liked guys. Steve had felt a little bad for just blurting that question out at Bucky, but he couldn’t help himself, plus he’d almost been sure that the answer was yes.

He’d been far less elated to find out that Bucky had a boyfriend, if far less elated meant he felt like Bucky had ripped his heart out and crushed it under his feet. He couldn’t understand why fate would bring them together and then drop that bomb on him. Still, Steve tried not to let himself feel too down about it. People broke up all the time. He didn’t have to meet the guy in the picture Bucky showed him to know that he wasn’t good enough. He’d just have to spend some time trying to get to know Bucky and help him see that.

 

****

 

Tony texted Bucky the next morning to tell him to come in late, seeing as he’d kept him so late the night before. Bucky wished he had gotten the message the night before so he wasn’t woken by his alarm. He groaned and dragged himself out of bed anyway. He could do a morning run seeing as he had time. Hopefully it would wake him up a little. Plus he needed to run off the multiple mini muffins and pizza from yesterday.

He got to the office two hours later than usual on Tony’s orders, picking up coffee for him and Wanda from Starbucks as a treat, which she took gratefully.

“So how was your first late shift?” she asked him as she sipped her coffee, looking over at Bucky from her desk.

Bucky swallowed the coffee he’d just sipped and put his cup down. “I think I got everything sorted with the Tokyo office. And Tony had mini muffins and pizza delivered,” he told her, smiling as he remembered that he had some leftover muffins to look forward to.

Wanda grinned at him. “That means he likes you. And not just cause he likes to flirt with you. It means he thinks you’re good at your job.”

“Really?” Bucky was surprised. It was only the last day of his first week and he didn’t think he’d done much so far. He mainly had to keep asking Wanda what to do, thankful for her apparent endless patience.

“Oh definitely. The other assistant never got treats. Tony really didn’t like him much. I didn’t either, to be honest. He was lazy,” she admitted.

Bucky took pride in having a good work ethic, so at least he hoped he’d never be accused of being lazy.

“I like you a lot better too,” she continued, her grin reappearing, as she typed one-handed and took another sip of coffee with the other.

Bucky grinned back. “Is that just cause I brought you the good coffee?”

“Maybe,” she smirked a little. “But you also remembered how I take it, so you get even more bonus points for that.”

Americano, two sugars, almond milk. Bucky had memorised it when she’d made fun of the chai crème frappuccino he’d brought in on Wednesday, which had started a discussion about the best kind of coffee. Bucky smiled back. “I just want to do a good job,” he admitted, a little more serious now.

“Don’t worry. I think you’re doing just fine,” she replied. “And you’ll be doing even better if you tell me you have some mini muffins left over…”

Bucky sighed exaggeratedly and took one from where he’d hidden them safely in his desk drawer, before lobbing it over at her. She caught it effortlessly with a grin and lifted it to him like she was toasting him. Bucky picked up one of his own—double chocolate, seeing as he’d eaten all the raspberry ones—and toasted her back, feeling pleased and content that his first week had gone well.

 

****

 

The rest of the day was super busy, but Tony let him go at the normal time. He was grateful for that. Peter had arrived back last night and he was going to come over later.

Bucky crushed his way onto the packed train, thoughts of seeing his boyfriend for the first time in a week and a half keeping him sane. They hadn’t been dating that long, maybe four months, but it was nice. Peter was funny. Their relationship was easy.

He’d been one of the first people Bucky had met when he’d arrived in New York, when they’d been forced to share a table at what became Bucky’s local coffee place. They’d got to talking and Peter had offered to show him the city when he’d found out he’d just moved to town and a relationship had developed from there. Peter called it their meet-cute. Bucky told him to never say meet-cute again.

Bucky felt a hand graze his thigh, pulling him out of his thoughts. Ugh, the subway sucked. One thing he _did_ miss about home was driving. He missed turning his music up to hella loud and singing along and not having to smell other people’s sweat. As the train got further, it emptied out a little at least. He managed to grab an extra inch of space for himself, turning a little, and oh, there was Steve again, right next to him.

Steve’s face lit up and their eyes met. “Hi, Bucky!”

Bucky didn’t have to hear him to tell what he’d said. This time he kept his headphones in. The train was too busy for talking anyway. He just gave Steve a little awkward wave. Steve didn’t try to engage with him further so Bucky looked away and enjoyed his music.

When the train arrived at his stop, he realised Steve hadn’t gotten off. Last time he’d left at the stop before. Bucky departed only to find Steve did too.

“Hey, is this your stop?” Steve asked him as he caught up with Bucky and they went through the barriers.

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky said, taking out both headphones and turning off his music. “Did you miss your stop?” he asked, feeling a little curious.

Steve shook his head as he walked alongside Bucky up the stairs. “No, I’m meeting my friend. Which way are you headed?” Steve asked when they reached the surface.

“Oh, Livingston,” Bucky replied with a little nod in the direction he was going. He lived a thankfully short walk away from the subway.

Steve’s eyes brightened. “Me too! Mind if I walk with you?”

Bucky probably should have minded but Steve was alright so he just shrugged. “Sure.”

Steve looked delighted, like Bucky had just told him he won the lottery. Bucky held back a chuckle. It was kinda nice how much Steve seemed to like him, particularly because it was obviously all physical. Bucky really was flattered. He worked hard to stay in shape after all.

“So are you from Brooklyn?” Steve asked as they walked side by side.

“No, I moved here a few months ago from Connecticut. Are you?” he asked, making an effort to turn his head to look at Steve instead of staring at his feet like he usually did.

Steve nodded. “Yep, born and raised. Do you like it here?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” Bucky replied. He really did love it. It felt like home already and he loved how much was going on. The only thing he was missing out on so far was friends. Sure, he had Peter, but building up friendships took time and so far Bucky hadn’t had much luck meeting people.

“You live alone?” Steve asked casually. Too casually. He was totally fishing for information. Probably wondering if he and Peter lived together, Bucky realised.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied. He didn’t bother telling Steve that the only reason he could afford to live alone was because his parents were helping him with rent. Bucky hoped with his new job though that he’d soon be able to afford it himself and stop relying on them. They hadn’t been keen on him moving and had insisted they help so he didn’t live somewhere dangerous. He appreciated it, and he had a much nicer apartment because of it, but he wanted to be independent.

“Hmm,” Steve murmured.

Bucky wasn’t sure what that sound meant. “So what do you do?” Bucky asked him, hoping to turn the subject away from himself.

Steve looked pleased that Bucky had asked him a question. “I’m an architect.”

“Oh, cool,” Bucky replied. No wonder he looked so fancy. He probably got paid a ton doing that.

“Can be,” Steve replied simply.

They reached the turning for Bucky’s street and he paused and Steve stopped next to him. “I’m heading that way,” Bucky told him.

Steve looked at the street and nodded. “My friend is this way,” he said, nodding in the direction they’d been walking. “I’m actually not meeting her for a little while, I don’t suppose you’d want to grab a coffee?” he asked politely.

Bucky could see the hope in his eyes. It was kinda sweet and he felt a little bad. “Sorry, I can’t, Peter’s coming over.”

“Peter is your boyfriend?” Steve questioned.

“That’s the one,” Bucky replied, feeling awkward again because this man so clearly wished there was no Peter.

“Well, thanks for walking with me. Have a good night, Bucky,” Steve said with a small smile, putting his hands in his pockets.

Bucky was pleased he hadn’t pushed it further. “You too, Steve.” He gave Steve an awkward wave and headed down his street, excited to see his boyfriend.

 

****

 

That morning, Steve had got on the train, flooded with nervous anticipation. He was so excited to see Bucky again, he felt like a rubber ball bouncing off the walls. He found himself sorely disappointed. Bucky wasn’t there.

He considered that he could be on a different car, but Bucky seemed to favour this one usually. Maybe he was sick. Steve hoped he wasn’t sick. He hated the idea of Bucky being sick. Though he could picture himself taking care of Bucky if he _was_ sick and Steve kind of liked that idea. He imagined wrapping Bucky up in a blanket and holding him nestled in his arms, keeping him safe and warm. Steve really liked that image.

Steve spent a large amount of the rest of his day at work daydreaming about Bucky and all the things they could do once Bucky was his boyfriend. He spent far too long thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. Bucky had the most gorgeous mouth, Steve knew he’d be an incredible kisser, his lips just looked so inviting. Bucky also had this habit of nibbling on the bottom one—Steve had watched him in the mornings on the train. Bucky doing that should have probably been illegal, because it _did things_ to Steve.

Steve had tried to not be excited when he got on his train home, though he still looked out for Bucky when they reached his stop, and then he was ecstatic because fate had rewarded him and there was Bucky, just like usual. The train had been too busy again though and Bucky had just given him a little wave. Just seeing Bucky only on the train was starting to annoy him—he wanted more—so without even really thinking about it, he stayed on past his stop. He just wanted to see where Bucky left the train.

It turned out to be just one stop after his and Steve smiled to himself, because if that wasn’t a sign then what was. And then he’d managed to walk with Bucky and have a little conversation and find out some more about him and it had been perfect. Well, until Bucky had said no to coffee because of the damn boyfriend again.

He’d watched Bucky go, feeling a little disappointed. Then he’d decided to perk himself up a bit by following Bucky. He just wanted to see where he lived. It was easy to follow him, Bucky didn’t seem to pay that much attention to his surroundings—it was clear he wasn’t a city boy. And now Steve knew which street and number he lived at and that made him feel happier again, because firstly he just loved finding out more about Bucky, and secondly, Bucky lived at number 107—the exact same number as Steve’s apartment building, and Steve took that as another clear sign.

 

****

 

Peter was late coming over, but it was okay. They made out on Bucky’s sofa for a bit, before heading to his bedroom. It was nice. Bucky had missed him.

The next morning, Bucky went for a run. Peter hadn’t been able to stay over as he had work, so Bucky had yet another Saturday to himself. But it was cool. He liked his own company.

He was running down by the water again at Greenway Terrace when he heard someone say “on your left” and looked to see Steve running past him.

“Steve?” Bucky said in surprise, slowing his run to a stop and taking out his headphones.

Steve turned his head, also stopping before jogging back towards Bucky. “Bucky?” he said, also sounding surprised, his eyes wide. “Out for a run?”

Bucky resisted saying “well duh”. “Yeah, you too,” he replied. Steve was in black shorts and a tight, stretched gray t-shirt that seemed like it was struggling to contain Steve’s very impressive muscles. How Steve’s normal suits had managed to hide them, he’d never know. He tried not to stare.

“Do you have far to go?” Steve asked.

“Nah, just to the end there and back home,” Bucky said. He’d been running a while now and was pretty tired. He adjusted the black cap on his head.

“Hey,” Steve’s eyes lit up. “Want to grab that coffee?” He said it in such a way that it was like Bucky had agreed to coffee before.

Bucky hesitated for a moment. He _could_ do with one. “Yeah, why not,” he finally said.

“Great!” There was that ecstatic Steve face again. “Want to race me to the end?”

Bucky laughed. “Sure.” He sped off, cheating, hearing Steve make a noise of protest behind him.

Sadly for Bucky’s ego, Steve still won. Bucky might have enjoyed the view as he lagged behind though. He figured looking was fine. It wasn’t like anything was going to happen. Steve was like pure muscle, but with this tapered waist, and okay, yes, a frankly outstanding ass. Bucky wondered how much he worked out to look like that.

At least Steve wasn’t a horrible winner. He didn’t rub it in Bucky’s face. “Hey, do you want to sit out here?” Steve said, gesturing to the grass. “I can go get the coffee, what do you want?”

“Oh, um, here, let me give you some cash,” Bucky said, fumbling in his pocket. He’d left his wallet at home but stowed a couple of bills, just in case.

“No, it’s on me,” Steve said firmly.

“Oh. Well, okay, if you’re sure?” Bucky supposed it was okay. It was just one drink. “Could you get me something iced and maybe caramel flavoured, please?” He wasn’t sure what coffee place was nearest.

“Coming right up,” Steve said with another beaming smile, before jogging away.

Bucky headed over to the grass and sat looking out at Manhattan across the water. He loved it down here, especially now when it was starting to get warmer as spring rolled on. It had been worth moving just for this view alone. He took off the light zip-up hoodie he had on over a tank, tucked his headphones into his pocket, and took out his phone and snapped a picture of the view before sending it to Peter.

After about ten minutes, Peter sent back a selfie of him pouting sadly at work. Peter worked at a hotel, which meant lots of weekends working. Bucky laughed to himself at the picture.

“Something funny?” Steve asked as he appeared, holding two iced coffees.

Bucky was startled. He hadn’t heard Steve approaching. “Just my boyfriend being a dork,” he replied, tucking his phone back into the holder on his arm.

Steve’s eyes seemed to darken for a moment, but it was only a second and then he was smiling again and holding out Bucky’s coffee. It was probably a trick of the light.

“Thanks, this is real nice of you,” Bucky said as he took the cup, Steve’s fingers grazing his.

“Oh wow.” Steve’s eyes suddenly lit up and Bucky realised he was staring at his left arm and his full sleeve tattoo that was now on show.

“Ah, yeah. College me thought it was a good idea,” he said with a smirk, gesturing to it. College him hadn’t really thought things through much. Which was how he’d ended up with a full sleeve tattoo, made to look like overlapping panels, almost metal like, with a red star on his shoulder. He still couldn’t remember why he’d thought the star was a good addition, but he didn’t hate it.

“It’s amazing,” Steve said, peering at him, trying to take a closer look. Bucky lifted his arm a little nearer.

“Yeah, tell that to my mother. At least for a first tattoo I went all out,” Bucky chuckled. “You got any?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine Steve did, what with the whole all-American, clean-cut look he had going on.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” Steve smirked before settling down on the grass next to him. Really close next to him. Bucky wanted to move away a little but he didn’t want to be obvious about it.

“Oh, this is really good,” Steve exclaimed as he took a sip of his drink. It looked like he’d ordered the same thing he’d got for Bucky.

Bucky took a sip of his too, the ice-cold drink helping to cool him off. He shifted subtly as though he was just moving to face Steve a little better and not because Steve’s shoulder had just nudged his.

“So do you go running a lot?” he asked Steve.

“Every day if I can,” Steve nodded. “Usually down here, sometimes through the park.” His face brightened. “Hey, we should meet for a run sometime,” he suggested.

Bucky wasn’t sure about that. “I don’t know, you’re pretty fast, I’ll just slow you down,” he replied casually.

“I’m sure you could keep up,” Steve said with a glance down at Bucky’s body. “You look like you’re in great shape.” He said it simply and matter of fact. It sounded more like a comment on his fitness level than anything sexual so Bucky felt a bit more comfortable.

“Well, you know, I’m getting on a bit, got to try and stay active,” Bucky commented, stretching his legs out in front of him.

Steve laughed. He had a nice laugh, really genuine, and it seemed to go through his whole body. “Getting on a bit? How old are you?”

“I turned twenty-six about a month ago,” Bucky said with a frown.

“Ooh yeah, super old,” Steve laughed. “I’m twenty-eight and let me tell you, the last two years have been all aching knees and back problems,” he smirked.

Bucky rolled his eyes at Steve making fun of him. “Yeah, yeah, okay.”

“So you’ll come running?” Steve pushed, a hopeful look on his face.

Bucky supposed it might be nice to run with someone else—it might make him push himself more. Plus it wasn’t like it would be every time. “Sure, why not,” Bucky replied.

Steve’s smile was as blinding as the sun.

“It might be cool to have a running friend,” Bucky added, trying to ensure Steve knew for sure that this was just a friend thing. Maybe he and Steve could become actual friends, he realised. Maybe he’d finally managed to meet someone to hang out with, so long as Steve let go of his crush.

Steve kept smiling. He reached out his hand. “Here, I’ll give you my number and you can drop me a text when you want to go.”

Bucky unlocked and then passed him his phone on the contacts screen. That was cool. Steve was being casual about it. “Maybe this sort of time on the weekend?” Bucky suggested. His weekend runs always went a bit longer than his weekday ones, plus his schedule at work seemed like it could be all over the place, so weekdays weren’t great for making plans.

“Sure.” Steve looked pleased as he passed the phone back. He’d put himself in as Running Steve.

“What are you up to for the rest of the day?” Steve asked, sipping his drink.

“Recovering from my first week at work,” Bucky said with a laugh. He needed to get some errands done too. The first week had taken it out of him and he’d been letting other things fall by the wayside. Peter had made fun of the massive pile of laundry he’d amassed in the corner of his room.

“Oh, your job is new?” Steve asked with such genuine interest.

“Yeah, started on Monday,” Bucky confirmed. “It’s really great, a lot better than I expected.”

“You should be going out to celebrate your first week,” Steve suggested.

Bucky shrugged. “Maybe.” Steve didn’t need to know that he had basically no one to go and celebrate with except Peter and Peter hadn’t mentioned wanting to do anything. “Been a long week though, think I’m just going to have a chill weekend.”

Almost as if he’d heard, Bucky’s phone rang and it was Tony. “Sorry, it’s my boss, I have to take this,” Bucky apologised. Steve held out his hand to hold Bucky’s drink for him, as Bucky got up and walked a few feet away to take the call.

“Barnes?” Tony said before he could even speak.

“Yes, sir?” Bucky replied.

“Are you busy? I have this function to go to and the person I usually go with is not available so I need you to come with me,” Tony said.

“Umm...” Bucky wasn’t sure this was in his job description. “What sort of function and when?”

“It’s in about an hour and it’s a lunch thing. Basically saying hi to stuffy suits. I’m not supposed to do them alone because I say inappropriate things, apparently.”

Bucky sighed internally. There went his chill weekend. “Sure, but the train takes forty minutes from here so I might be a little late.” He’d have to get home and shower first too.

“Barnes, who do you think I am, I’m sending a car to your place,” Tony said before hanging up.

Bucky sighed and put his phone back in its holder before walking back to Steve, who was now standing a few feet away, looking curious.

“Sorry, I’ve got to get going, my boss wants me to come in,” he told Steve, with an apologetic smile.

“On a Saturday? That’s too bad,” Steve said, looking at him with concern and passing him his half-finished coffee.

“Yeah, well,” Bucky lifted his arms like ‘whatcha gonna do’. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Text me for that run,” Steve reminded him.

Bucky nodded and gave him a little wave. “Have a good weekend,” he said, before jogging away, a strangely happy feeling coming over him. Maybe he’d just made a new friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Steve's not all that creepy, is he?


	3. Every bond you break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets Peter and Steve seems to be popping up everywhere. Also the zoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I don't understand what a schedule is cause it's not the weekend but I'm posting anyway. My bad.

Steve was now one hundred percent sure that he and Bucky were fated to be together. Destined. Soulmates. Whatever you wanted to call it, Steve knew it. What other explanation could there be that Bucky had been there running at the exact same time in the exact same place as Steve. Steve hadn’t even planned it, but he’d been overjoyed by it. They’d had fun and they’d had coffee and Bucky’s fingers had touched his when he passed him the coffee and Bucky had his number so they could go running again and it was all going swimmingly, Steve thought, practically bursting with hope. He really just needed a way to get rid of Peter, the boyfriend.

Steve knew fate was on his side, so he didn’t consider it all that strange to wait across the road from Bucky’s house the next afternoon. He just wanted to see Bucky. Steve knew if he put a little effort in then fate would reward him. As it turned out, he was right. He only had to wait for just over an hour for Bucky to appear, coming out of his house looking breathtaking, unfortunate boyfriend in tow.

Steve had only seen Bucky in his work clothes and now his running clothes, which he may have thanked god for because Bucky in that tank top was like a religious experience and then that arm covered in that tattoo? Damn. Steve hadn’t known he had a thing for tattoos until that moment. Maybe he just had a thing for tattoos on Bucky’s sculpted arms. But now he was getting to see Bucky in his normal clothes and get more of a sense of his style and Bucky had a bit of a rock thing going on, in fitted black jeans and a black sweater, with banged up black and purple Converse on his feet. And oh, the sleeves of his sweater were too long and covered half his hands, and oh god, that was adorable, Steve couldn’t take his eyes off it.

Until the boyfriend’s hand took one of those sweater covered hands in his and Steve had to not look at that, because that made him feel both sick, jealous, and a little incensed all at once. He couldn’t wait until that could be his hand.

Steve tried to focus and wondered where they were off to and then followed after them, careful not to be seen. When they entered a grocery store, Steve thanked fate again, because that was just perfect.

 

****

 

“Can’t we just get pizza?” Peter asked as they walked round the grocery store.

“No,” Bucky told him firmly. “You need to eat a vegetable.” Bucky was actually eating a whole lot healthier than usual due to the food at Stark Tower, mini muffins and pizza aside, and he wanted to keep that going. Peter was definitely more of a fast food kind of person.

“We can get mushrooms on the pizza?” Peter suggested.

“That _so_ doesn’t count,” Bucky argued, plucking a bag of lettuce from the display and adding it to their basket.

Peter took it back out.

“Put it back,” Bucky told him.

“This is what rabbits eat,” Peter complained, holding the bag above his head as he turned and walked backwards away from Bucky. Bucky tried to reach for it but Peter was a little taller.

“I’ll just get another one,” Bucky warned.

“No you—” Peter stopped talking as he accidentally walked backwards into someone. “Shit, sorry dude,” he said as he turned around.

“Steve?” Bucky said in surprise as he saw the tall blond turn round. He seemed to be running into him everywhere.

“Bucky, hey, how are you?” Steve asked, his eyes lighting up, like they always seemed to do around Bucky.

“Oh fine, just shopping,” he said, gesturing to his basket, before remembering Peter was there. “Peter, this is Steve,” he introduced them.

He thought Steve seemed to be sizing Peter up as he shook his hand.

“How do you guys know each other?” Peter asked, looking between the two of them.

“Oh, we’re running buddies,” Steve told him.

Well that wasn’t true, Bucky thought. They hadn’t made plans to go yet.

“Oh yeah?” Peter said, looking at Bucky. There was a little suspicion there, Bucky realised. He hadn’t mentioned Steve to him yet.

“We haven’t actually gone running yet, just discussed it,” Bucky explained.

“Well, except the race we had when we got coffee,” Steve chipped in.

Bucky watched Peter’s eyes narrow a bit.

“How was you work thing yesterday?” Steve continued.

“Oh, it was fine,” Bucky replied quickly. He’d pretty much just stayed next to Tony and run interference when he needed to as Tony had flittered around mingling with people he didn’t like (his words, not Bucky’s). “Well, don’t let us keep you from your shopping,” he added because Peter was giving him this _look_.

Steve waved his hand. “No worries. Text me when you want to go running,” he said, patting Bucky on the shoulder as he went past. “Nice to meet you,” he added to Peter.

“Yeah,” Bucky said vaguely after him.

Peter waited until Steve was far enough away. “Who is that? You’ve never mentioned him.”

“I literally met him last week. He’s alright,” Bucky replied, resuming his shopping as Steve disappeared round the corner.

“He seems really familiar with you for only meeting a week ago? And when did you get coffee? Where was I?” Peter said, the words tumbling out quickly.

Bucky sighed at his tone. “Yesterday when I went for my run, I ran into Steve so we grabbed a drink. You were at work.”

“Are you complaining about my job again?” Peter asked, in a harsh tone.

Bucky blinked. “Umm, what?” When had he ever complained about Peter’s job?

“If I want to be made manager soon, I have to work hard,” he continued. He almost sounded like he was scolding Bucky.

Bucky frowned. “Yeah, I know that.”

“Well you’re acting like I don’t spend enough time with you.” Peter was frowning back at him.

“No, I’m not. How am I acting like that?” Bucky really wasn’t sure where this was coming from. He worked late sometimes too now, he got it. And he and Peter just kind of ebbed and flowed, sometimes they saw each other a lot, sometimes they didn’t, and it was fine.

“Well, if you’re going off with other guys cause I’m not there…” Peter said grumpily.

Bucky looked at him in surprise. “I literally ran into Steve and got coffee, that’s it. I wasn’t ‘going off’ with him.” Peter almost sounded jealous.

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Peter grumbled. He dumped the lettuce back into the basket.

Bucky hadn’t seen this side of Peter before. He was kind of petulant. Bucky didn’t find it all that appealing.

“I’m just trying to make some friends,” Bucky told him, staying calm and not letting this somehow escalate into a fight. He continued with his shopping, putting tomatoes into the basket.

“Yeah, alright, sorry,” Peter sighed, seeming to accept that, and Bucky’s lack of reaction seeming to help calm him down. He took a moment and then continued. “It’s cool. I guess a running buddy would be nice for you, seeing as there’s no way in hell you’re getting me running.”

Bucky smirked at him. “You don’t say.” Peter was in good shape, but he thought running was pure evil. He tended to just use the hotel gym and pool, seeing as it was free for him.

Peter put his arm round Bucky. “Come on, let’s get more rabbit food for you,” he sighed.

 

****

 

Bucky’s second week was going even better than his first. He felt like he was settling in. He and Wanda had a rapport going and Tony seemed to really like him and the feeling was mutual. He was not at all like the media made him out to be, though Tony maybe did push that persona on the world himself.

He even felt like he was doing a good job, like Wanda had told him, but he’d not really believed her at first. But he’d been keeping an efficient schedule for Tony so far and getting really good at memorising his plans for the day. Which was why he knew that the next appointment he had that day was with Mr Rogers, the architect of the Tokyo building.

He got a call that he was heading up around ten minutes before he was due to arrive. Bucky stood to go and greet him, knowing that first impressions were important, even if he _was_ just the assistant. Plus Wanda was out running an errand for Tony, so it was all on him.

He was more than a little surprised when the elevator doors opened and out stepped Steve.

“Bucky?” Steve said, a bright incredulous look coming over his face. The elevator doors closed again as the security guard went back down.

“Steve? Are you Mr Rogers?” Bucky asked, but of course he was or he wouldn’t have been allowed up. This was crazy. Steve really was popping up everywhere.

“Steven Rogers, that’s me,” he replied with a smile. “You work for Tony Stark,” he said as a realisation. “Now it makes sense how you’re always working.” His brow furrowed for a moment. “The meeting request came from James Barnes though?”

“Oh, right, yeah, that’s me. Bucky’s my nickname. I only go by James professionally,” Bucky explained.

Steve looked overly fascinated. “How did you get the nickname?”

“Oh, um, middle name. Buchanan,” Bucky told him as gestured for Steve to follow and led him through, remembering he had a job to do. “Anyway, can I get you anything to drink? You’re a little early, but I’m sure Tony will be out soon.”

“No, I’m good, thanks,” Steve replied as he followed.

“Okay, well you can just sit in here and he’ll be out soon,” Bucky said, showing him to the seating area in front of Tony’s office, trying to be professional even though he and Steve were sort of almost friends kinda.

Steve nodded and took a seat on the large brown leather sofa. “So what’s he like?” he asked.

“You didn’t meet him last week?” Bucky asked.

“No, I had a conflicting appointment so my boss met with Stark. Should be mostly me from now on though,” Steve explained.

“Oh, well Tony’s great, smartest person I’ve ever met,” Bucky told him honestly.

Steve nodded, looking thoughtful. “Good boss?” he queried.

“Yeah, he’s awesome. It’s a demanding job at times but I wouldn’t expect any less from someone at his level, you know?”

“Sure,” Steve nodded. “So it was funny running into you the other day,” he said, changing the subject.

Bucky felt a bit awkward standing there while Steve was sitting, seeing as Steve seemed to want to chat, so he perched himself on the arm of the chair opposite. “Yeah, seems like you’re everywhere lately. Is that your usual store?”

“No, I was coming back from my friend’s place and just stopped in,” Steve explained. “It was nice to meet Peter, he seemed…nice.”

Bucky couldn’t help but notice the little pause and the tone Steve used to say that, almost as though he was trying to be nice but actually didn’t get all that good an impression of Peter. Bucky wondered why not. Maybe Steve had seen Peter’s little bit of almost jealousy. Bucky knew jealousy was stupid, but he was also ashamed to admit that when he thought about it, he kinda liked Peter being a little jealous maybe. It made him feel wanted. What he didn’t like was the attitude that came with it.

“So—” Steve started, before being cut off as Tony pushed open his office door.

“Rogers?” he said as he approached and Bucky quickly stood up, thinking maybe he looked unprofessional, sitting on the arm of the chair there with Steve.

Steve stood as well, holding his hand out, which Tony didn’t shake, giving him his usual excuse. Steve just smiled and said he understood completely. Bucky thought that was nice that he didn’t seem to find it odd, or if he did, that he was classy enough not to comment on it.

“Come on in,” Tony told him, turning back round to his office.

Steve started following, but gave Bucky a smile, his blue eyes glinting in the light. “Thanks, Mr Barnes.”

Bucky couldn’t help half smiling and half smirking back.

 

****

 

Steve thought he should probably go out right that second and buy a lottery ticket, because the planets and stars were clearly all aligning for him. Bucky’s boss was Tony Stark. Steve was working on Tony Stark’s new building. Whatever force in the universe decided to throw him and Bucky together was doing an incredible job. Steve would definitely be taking as many meetings with Stark in person as possible from now on.

It had also been quite the experience for Steve to meet Bucky’s boyfriend in person that weekend. He’d come across so douche-bro, Steve couldn’t understand what Bucky saw in him. Maybe it was just physical. Even though the thought of that made Steve’s stomach clench, that would make it easier than if there were any emotions involved. He didn’t want Bucky to be hurt. He just wanted him.

 

****

 

At around eleven the next day, a security guy arrived holding a plant, which he plopped down on Bucky’s desk as Bucky looked up in surprise. He reached out for the tag tucked in the soil, which told Bucky it was a Peace Lily.

“We scanned it,” the security guy said, before walking back out.

Bucky frowned at the plant as Wanda looked curious. He picked out the card attached to it.

_Noticed you needed a plant for your office, congrats on the new job! Steve x_

“Just a new job present from a friend,” he explained to Wanda.

This was weird. Maybe Steve was just being friendly, but Bucky couldn’t help but feel like he was actively being pursued, like Steve was trying to woo him or something. That was stupid though, he’d met Peter now and everything. He probably _was_ just being friendly. And his desk _could_ do with a plant.

He figured he should say thank you, so he pulled out his phone to drop Steve a quick ‘thanks for the plant’ message. Steve replied a few minutes later.

 **Running Steve:** Thanks for picking my building design :)

 **Bucky:** Tony told you that huh? Yours was more unique

 **Running Steve:** Well thank you, I try.

Bucky put his phone down. It vibrated a couple of minutes later.

 **Running Steve:** Fancy that run on Saturday morning?

Bucky felt conflicted.

 **Bucky:** Maybe, not sure if I’m free yet

 **Running Steve:** Cool, just let me know :)

 

****

 

Bucky did text Steve to see if he wanted to run that weekend. It wasn’t like he needed Peter’s permission, but he’d casually mentioned it and Peter had been cool with it and somehow he felt better about it with Peter knowing.

He was right about running with someone else being motivating. Steve was like a machine—he didn’t seem to tire. Ever. Bucky tried to push himself further because of it, but eventually gave in, collapsing dramatically to the grass in the park, waiting for Steve to notice.

He did notice after only going ahead a little way further and then realising Bucky was no longer there. Bucky watched his bemused face as he noticed him on the ground and jogged back over.

“You alright there?” Steve asked, looming over him from above.

Bucky laid spread eagle. “Oh yeah, fine. Not dying or anything.”

Steve chuckled and dropped down next to him, lying back with his arms behind his head. He didn’t even seem winded.

“How are you not even tired?” Bucky complained at him, turning his head.

Steve turned his head to look at him. “I am, I’m just faking,” he smirked.

Bucky shifted so one hand was under his head. “Oh yeah?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Just trying to impress me then?”

Steve gave him this smile that could in no way be construed as a friendly smile. It was far too flirty. “Am I succeeding?” he asked.

Bucky felt an odd shiver go through him. It must have been cooler out than he thought. “Nah,” Bucky said, lifting his back from the ground. He couldn’t seem to think of a witty comeback right then. He stretched his legs out. “Man, how am I even going to make it home.”

“I can carry you?” Steve suggested as he also sat up.

“You wish,” Bucky shot back, before realising what he’d said. That wasn’t flirting. It wasn’t, he told himself. It was just a reflex.

Steve just looked him up and down with a slight smile on his face.

“So, you got any other running buddies?” Bucky asked, trying to get Steve to stop doing that.

“Nope,” Steve replied, and he didn’t stop looking at Bucky in that way as he said it. “I’m a one running partner kinda guy.”

Bucky couldn’t help rolling his eyes a little at that and fixing Steve with an unimpressed look.

Steve looked like he tried and failed to stop a mischievous smile appearing on his face, pressing his lips together. “You want a drink?” he offered.

“Water?” Bucky asked and Steve was instantly on his feet.

“Be right back,” he said, jogging off before Bucky could give him money.

Bucky unclipped his phone while he waited, checking for messages, and felt his heart sink a little. Peter was picking up an extra shift to cover for someone at the hotel and was cancelling on him for that evening. Bucky tried to push down his disappointment. That sucked. He said they could do something on Sunday, but still. That left Bucky with the rest of Saturday and nothing to do.

“Here,” Steve said as he returned, like some sort of stealthy ninja again. Bucky hadn’t heard him coming. “I got you a cookie,” he said, passing Bucky a water and a paper bag as Bucky sat up.

“Thanks,” he told Steve. That was nice of him, though the cookie sort of negated the fact that he’d gone running.

“You okay?” Steve asked as he settled back down with his own bottle of water and Bucky put his phone back in its holder.

He must have been showing his disappointment on his face. Bucky nodded. “Yeah, just Peter had to cancel on me today cause he’s working.” He tried to keep the disappointment out his voice at least.

“Does he do that a lot?” Steve asked.

Bucky took a bite of his cookie. Mmm, classic chocolate chip. “Sometimes,” he mumbled. It did happen a little more than Bucky cared to admit. But it was fine. He didn’t want to be the sort of boyfriend who got annoyed by it.

“So are you free for the rest of the day then?”

Bucky looked over at him to see a small smile on Steve’s face. “Why?” Bucky asked curiously.

“Wanna go to the zoo?” Steve beamed at him, showing off his perfect teeth.

Bucky laughed at the look on his face. “The zoo?”

“Yeah, it’s this place with animals,” Steve sassed him, nodding over in the direction of the Prospect Park Zoo, only a short walk away.

Bucky hadn’t been to a zoo in years. He considered it for a moment before deciding that yeah, why shouldn’t he go look at some cute animals and hang out with his new friend. It beat sitting around in his apartment doing laundry or something. Though he really would have to tackle the laundry at some point. “Yeah, let’s go look at cute things,” he agreed.

Steve looked delighted and stood, reaching out his hand for Bucky to take and helping him to his feet. “I love cute things,” he said, letting a little innuendo creep back into his voice, so Bucky shoved the rest of his cookie into his mouth in an attempt to look as un-cute as possible.

“Nice,” Steve grinned in fake appreciation and Bucky dissolved into laughter. Okay, Steve was pretty funny. Maybe his day wouldn’t end up so bad after all.

 

****

 

“Okay, these guys are definitely my favourites,” Bucky said as he watched a red panda climbing slowly across a tree branch. “I want to take one home with me.”

“I think the zoo might have a problem with that,” Steve replied, leaning on the barrier next to Bucky.

“But they’re so beautiful,” Bucky pouted. And sure they had pretty large claws, but they looked so soft and cuddly otherwise and Bucky loved their colouring.

“Yeah, beautiful,” Steve agreed, but when Bucky looked over, Steve was looking at him and not the pandas. Bucky chose to ignore that fact.

“Okay, so, any siblings?” Bucky asked. They’d been playing a game of questions as they walked round the zoo, in an attempt to get to know more about each other. Steve had suggested it. So far he knew Steve’s favourite colour was blue, he loved museums and art galleries and was somewhat of an artist himself, in his free time at least, and he also lived alone, in Brooklyn Heights.

“Nope, you?” Steve asked as they turned away from the red pandas and continued on the path.

“Becca, my older sister. She lives near my parents with her husband and she’s got two kids.”

“Oh, so you’re an uncle,” Steve commented.

Bucky nodded. He hadn’t seen the kids in ages though. He wasn’t much of an uncle. Maybe when they were older they could come visit him and stay with him in the city. “They’re really little, like one and three ish.” Bucky stopped in front of the dingoes. “You want kids?” he asked Steve.

“Whoa, we haven’t even had a first date yet,” Steve joked, lifting his hands up.

Bucky pushed his shoulder. Damn, that was solid. “Shut up,” he rolled his eyes. Steve had managed to mostly not flirt with him round the zoo, but these occasional moments kept appearing where he did.

Steve laughed. “I don’t know. Maybe,” he mused. They watched the dingoes for a moment. “What’s your longest relationship?” he asked, changing the subject a little.

“Oh jeez.” Bucky ran a hand through his hair. Now they were getting to the deep stuff. “Four years,” he admitted, looking over at Steve.

“Whoa,” Steve grimaced. “Not Peter?” he questioned.

“Oh, no, we’ve only been dating like four months or so,” Bucky explained, and was it his imagination or did Steve look pretty pleased about that? “This was a guy back home.”

Steve chuckled. “Is that why you moved?” he said, clearly meaning it as a joke.

Bucky felt his cheeks getting warm. That was exactly why he moved.

Steve seemed to notice. “Shit, Bucky, I didn’t mean…there’s nothing wrong with that. Getting a fresh start is good.”

Bucky wasn’t about to go into that situation right now. “Hey, you want an ice cream?” he offered, noticing the stand nearby.

He could feel Steve looking at him for a moment before he simply said “sure” and they walked over there.

Bucky liked that he didn’t push the topic of conversation. Of the things Bucky was willing to talk about, his ex was definitely not one of them. In fact, he tried his best to not even think about him. Luckily Steve started a discussion about what flavour of ice cream was the best flavour and Bucky put his ex out of his mind and argued vehemently for pistachio.

By the time they left the zoo, it was almost five and Bucky felt like he’d made real progress in making a friend. They’d made plans to go running again the weekend after as well. Bucky smiled to himself as he walked home. He felt happier than he had in a while.

 

****

 

Steve was in love. So, so in love. He’d had the best day with Bucky, because his boyfriend, who was thankfully just as shitty as Steve had thought, had cancelled on him. Bucky didn’t deserve that. He should have someone devoted to him and Steve so wanted to be that person.

It had almost felt like a date, wandering round the zoo together, watching Bucky being adorable, making cute noises and faces at his favourite animals. Steve had mostly watched him—he wasn’t really sure which animals they’d seen in the end.

They’d talked a lot too. He’d found out lots more about Bucky—things about his family and the things he liked to do in his free time and Bucky had seemed really interested in learning things about him. They just seemed to fit so well together.

Bucky liked reading a lot, and admitted that one day he wanted to try writing a novel, which meant he was creative, and Steve told him about how he liked to draw in his free time, which meant they were on the same wavelength, but different enough for it to be interesting. Steve really loved that. He could picture them wandering round a gallery and then browsing a book store together, holding hands, and then going home and falling into bed together. God, he wanted that so badly, it was like torture sometimes, just being near Bucky and not being able to touch him. But Steve could wait. He could be patient. Bucky would see they were perfect together, Steve was sure of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far! I would love your feedback :)


	4. Every step you take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve go on a business trip.

“Barnes?” Tony called to him.

Bucky headed into his office immediately, tablet in hand.

“You ever been to Tokyo?” Tony asked, while he stared at the screen of his computer.

“Nope,” Bucky replied. He had never really been anywhere. A few trips abroad with his family when he was little, but he didn’t really remember those.

“Do you want to?” Tony asked, looking up at him.

Bucky shrugged. “I mean, sure…wait…are you asking me to actually go there?” he said as his brain caught up.

“Sure am,” Tony replied. “I want to go and meet the team over there and I want you to come.”

“Not Wanda?” Bucky couldn’t help asking. She definitely deserved it over him, even if it pained him to say so because he was maybe getting himself left out of a trip.

“She hates flying. Plus, this is one of your projects and I hear you’re friends with my architect,” Tony commented, back to focusing on his screen.

“Steve?” Bucky questioned. “Yeah, we go running together.” He was surprised that Steve had mentioned that.

“Well you can run in Tokyo. Book us three rooms in that place I stayed in last time. We’re going tomorrow and we’ll be there for three days.”

Only three days? Bucky felt a little less excited. That wasn’t very long. He supposed it was a business trip though, and he should think of it as such. It wasn’t a vacation. “Do I need to contact Steve, I mean Mr Rogers?”

“No, Rogers knows,” Tony said absentmindedly.

“I’ll get everything sorted then,” Bucky told him. He’d ask Wanda where Tony stayed last. Tony never did seem to remember the names of places.

Wanda did remember the place. She helped Bucky book three suites. Apparently everything being last minute didn’t matter when you were Tony Stark. Bucky had been trying to book himself a regular room, but Wanda had stopped him. Tony always stayed in the best rooms and he was generous enough to put other people up just the same, she told him.

Bucky spent his evening bouncing between nervous and excited. He called his mom, who was thrilled for him and so pleased his new job was going well and Bucky felt really happy cause she sounded proud of him. She, of course, guilt tripped him into promising to come home for a visit soon though. Bucky did feel bad about that. He hadn’t been back since he’d moved, except at Christmas.

He then called Peter to let him know where he was going as he packed, and Peter said he’d miss him and to bring him a souvenir, but he didn’t seem all that excited for him. Bucky wondered if maybe he was a little jealous when they hung up.

He considered contacting Steve to tell him they’d be going to Tokyo together, but decided it might be more fun to surprise him, as he was pretty sure Tony hadn’t told him that Bucky was going too.

It turned out to be much more fun to see Steve looking so shocked and happy when he met them at the airport. He greeted Tony and then Bucky in a professional manner, but when they got to the plane and Tony went to speak to the pilot and they were left alone, Steve beamed at him.

“I can’t believe you’re coming too!” he said, sounding almost unreasonably excited.

Bucky grinned back. He liked Steve’s enthusiasm for being in his company. He had to admit, it gave his ego a massive boost. “Yeah, me either. Never been to Tokyo.”

“We can get out and explore together,” Steve offered.

“I hope so. It’s a quick trip so I might be working a lot,” Bucky said, a little disappointed, because he would really love to get to do some sightseeing.

“We’ll just have to power through and make the most of the evenings. Who needs sleep when you’ve only got three days?” Steve grinned.

Bucky laughed. “You’ve got a point there.”

Tony reappeared, walking with the pilot. “Let’s get boarded,” he told them and Bucky once again couldn’t believe his luck as his eyes widened as he entered the stupidly luxurious private jet. How had his life gotten so crazy?

 

****

 

Bucky had been right. The schedule was crazy busy. Tony was proving to be awesome though. Every time he had a meeting that he didn’t need Bucky for, he told him to get out for a bit. Steve was in a lot of the meetings so Bucky went on his own, but it was amazing, being somewhere so different to home, even if it was in these short hour or two hour bursts before he made his way back to Tony.

So sure, he didn’t have time to do any major tourist stuff, but this was kind of better, just meandering about, grabbing food or a quick drink and just getting immersed in the city. He’d never been picky about food, so he delighted in ordering new things where he didn’t know exactly what they were and just trying them. Some of his choices were better than others, but it was all part of the experience of another culture.

On the first evening, he and Steve wandered together, taking in the bright lights of the city. Tony was too busy, but told them to go ahead. Steve told him about other places he’d travelled to in Asia and how they compared to Tokyo. He’d visited a lot of places and Bucky resolved to try and save up so he could go abroad sometime, finding Steve’s adventures inspiring. On the second night, Steve picked back up with the question game and they traded questions back and forth.

“Cat or dog person?” he asked Bucky as they walked, trying to decide on a café to try for dinner. They’d had a massive work lunch with Tony and the Tokyo office, so they didn’t need anything substantial. Bucky was sort of considering just getting cake somewhere.

“Dog, I guess? Maybe both. We had a dog growing up though,” Bucky replied. “You?”

“Definitely dog,” Steve said determinedly.

Bucky thought for a moment for another question. “Longest relationship?” he asked, realising Steve had never answered that one after Bucky had.

“About six months,” Steve replied, sounding slightly embarrassed.

Bucky wondered why. He shouldn’t be embarrassed by that. It was better than putting in four years and then finding out what an asshole the—

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice cut into his thoughts. “You okay?”

Bucky must have once again been showing his emotions on his face. He tried to regulate the hurt and anger that had bubbled up and pull himself together. “Yeah,” he lied. “Sorry, just thinking about…past stuff.”

“Your ex hurt you, huh?” Steve said gently.

Steve was too perceptive. Or maybe Bucky was just that obvious. Bucky put his hands in his jacket pockets and shrugged.

“You can talk to me about it, if you want?” Steve offered. “I’m not gonna judge. Sometimes it helps to talk.”

Bucky wasn’t sure that was true, but then again, he never really had talked about it. He’d pretty much shut down and then sort of ran away to New York soon after. In the in between time, he’d spent way too much time listening to Elliott Smith and blaming himself. Well, actually at first he couldn’t even listen to music of any kind—he felt so raw, every song seemed to mock him in some way. His mom had tried to get him to talk, but he just couldn’t back then. Still, it wasn’t as raw now. It still hurt, but it was like a scar that ached every so often, instead of an open sucking chest wound. And Steve was his friend now and maybe it would help, particularly as Steve didn’t know his ex. Plus Steve was always so nice to him. Maybe it would be okay to tell him, without going too deep into it. It wasn’t really a big deal, he supposed.

“Usual story,” Bucky started, watching his feet, as they walked slowly side by side. “Cheated, lied, etcetera etcetera. Just happened to be that the cheating was with my best friend, so that really, really sucked.” Bucky had also realised eventually that there’d been some emotional abuse going on too, but he didn’t bring that up. That was private.

Steve sucked in a breath. “Jesus…”

“Yep,” Bucky agreed. “Turned out the person I thought would be there to comfort me, was the very cause of it. Hurt worse to lose him than the boyfriend, to be honest.” It really had. They’d been friends since they were kids and now Bucky would never speak to him again. It really sucked. It more than sucked.

“I’m really sorry, Buck,” Steve said, coming to a stop and putting his hand on Bucky’s arm and he stopped walking too.

“Thanks,” Bucky mumbled, looking down. He wasn’t really looking for pity.

“I can’t believe someone would do that to you,” Steve said vehemently.

Bucky let out a little huff. “Yeah, neither could I.” He looked back up at Steve.

“No, I mean it,” Steve said, shaking his head, looking disbelieving. “They’re both complete assholes and you’re better off without them both,” he said, so sure of himself, Bucky couldn’t help the little twitch of a smile that appeared on his face.

“I guess,” Bucky shrugged. “I’m doing better now. Moved to New York, got my job, got Peter now…and made a new friend,” Bucky added, giving Steve a small smile, because he did feel like Steve was part of the good things that were happening lately.

Steve beamed at him. “I’m really glad I met you, Bucky.”

“Thank the New York City subway,” Bucky joked.

Steve smiled softly now. “I mean it. Never met anyone like you,” he said quietly.

Bucky felt the atmosphere around them change in that moment. It felt a little heavy, so he ignored it and turned in the direction they’d been walking. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat,” Bucky changed the subject, reminding Steve of why they were out.

Steve nodded and they started walking again. “Sooo…” Steve started, drawing out the word. “Would you rather be too hot or too cold?”

 

****

 

Three days went way too fast. Bucky was verging on exhausted, but on the last night, Tony took them out for dinner with some of the Tokyo employees and Bucky found himself feeling very relaxed, chatting with everyone. He got even more relaxed as Tony kept pouring him sake, but he tried his hardest to both please his boss and not let himself become unprofessional.

Still, he was pretty glad and pretty woozy when they finally called it a night and eventually made it back to the hotel. Tony said goodnight and headed into his suite while Bucky and Steve carried on down the hallway.

“Want to come in and have a coffee?” Bucky offered when they got to his room. He could definitely do with one to sober up and it was their last night there, so even though it was late, he thought Steve’s company might be nice for a little while.

“Sure,” Steve smiled easily, looking a little worse for wear himself, his normally perfect golden blond hair a little on the messy side now, and his shirt a little rumpled.

He flopped down on Bucky’s bed when they got inside, even though the fancy suite had a sofa in it. Bucky managed to slowly make coffee, placing it on the bedside table when it was ready, for it to cool. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Steve.

“This has been such a cool trip,” Bucky mused as he looked over through the windows where the lights from the city extended out as far as he could see.

“I’m really glad you were here,” Steve told him.

Bucky looked over at him. Steve was staring over at him, hand behind his head, resting on the bed. Bucky felt weirdly nervous all of a sudden. “Yeah, me too. Except for the jetlag. _That_ I could do without,” he replied lightly.

“No, I mean it,” Steve insisted. “You’re such an awesome person, Bucky.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, we’ve had too much to drink, haven’t we.” He felt pleasantly buzzed and sleepy now. Maybe coffee was a bad plan if he wanted to sleep.

“You’re so funny and pretty and smart,” Steve mused as he lay there, almost as though he hadn’t heard Bucky.

Bucky wasn’t drunk enough to miss the word ‘pretty’ in that sentence. “Uh, Steve...” he started.

“I know, I know,” Steve brushed him off, waving his hand in the air. “We’re friends though. Friends can tell each other they look good.”

“Uh...” _Could they?_ Bucky thought. Probably not by calling them pretty.

“Lighten up,” Steve smiled, gently kicking Bucky’s leg with his foot. He started chatting about the building and all the progress they’d made during the trip.

Bucky relaxed and forgot the ‘pretty’ comment. They _had_ made some good progress and Tony seemed really happy with how things were coming along. And Bucky really had enjoyed hanging out with Steve. They seemed to have the same sense of humour and could talk for ages about anything that came to mind. It was nice.

Bucky tried to keep listening as Steve chatted, but eventually ended up lying down next to him as tiredness overtook him and he forgot about the coffee. He didn’t even really notice when his eyes started to close. He didn’t notice Steve getting up and wrapping the covers over him. He was almost asleep when he heard Steve whisper, “I wish you were mine”. In the morning, he didn’t remember it.

 

****

 

Steve wheeled in his suitcase as he arrived home. He went to his living room and dropped down onto the sofa. He’d unpack later. He was so exhausted from the trip, but it had been the best trip of his life. Spending each night with Bucky, if only for three nights, had been perfect, and their relationship had really developed. Bucky had even told him about his ex and Steve could tell that it had been hard for him to do so.

When he’d heard the whole story, though Bucky hadn’t gone into details, he’d been surprised at how well he managed to keep it together. He’d felt absolutely disgusted at Bucky’s ex and his ex best friend. As he’d told Bucky, he couldn’t believe anyone could do that to him. He’d kept himself from adding how beautiful and wonderful and perfect Bucky was, because he knew it wasn’t the time to tell Bucky that, but seriously…what the hell was wrong with those guys that they would treat Bucky that way? Steve was working so hard for every moment he had with Bucky and his ex hadn’t even cared how much he’d hurt him, when he’d been so lucky to have Bucky. If Steve was the one who got to hold Bucky and kiss him and love him, Steve would never let go.

It was so hard just being near Bucky lately. Every nerve in his body felt like it was on fire when he was around him. It took every ounce of strength he had to not reach out and smooth back Bucky’s dark hair when it fell across his face or stare into those beautiful gray-blue eyes for a tad too long or stroke his thumb over that perfect little chin dimple Bucky had going on.

He’d had an incredible three days with Bucky though. The best night had been the last one. Bucky had so softly and sweetly fallen asleep and Steve had watched him for a few moments before wrapping him up so he wouldn’t be cold and retreating back to his own room. He couldn’t wait for a time when he could fall asleep next to Bucky, holding him in his arms as they slept. He really needed to come up with a way to get rid of the boyfriend. He was losing patience and waiting for Peter to reveal himself as the crappy boyfriend Steve knew he was, was taking too long. It was just so hard to come up with a way to do it.

 

****

 

Bucky was exhausted. How did Tony manage all the travelling he did all the time? Jetlag was a bitch.

They’d arrived back in the early hours of Saturday morning and Bucky hadn’t even made it to his bed, instead flopping on the sofa, and now it was six am and he’d not managed to sleep and couldn’t try anymore.

Instead he dragged himself up to mainline coffee only to find that he was out. He could have wept. He moaned out loud before accepting defeat and grabbing his keys and wallet. He needed coffee. He must have coffee.

He was slumped over a table at his local coffee place before he knew it, smelling the rich coffee beans with a happy sigh. There was no way he was running today. Steve hadn’t mentioned wanting to, on the ride back to Brooklyn, but Bucky got the feeling Steve was the kind of person who would still run when jetlagged. Bucky fired off a text to him just in case.

 **Bucky:** No running today, too tired

Bucky forgot how early it was until he sent it and hoped he hadn’t woken Steve, but Steve replied a few minutes later.

 **Running Steve:** Tomorrow?

Bucky snorted to himself.

 **Bucky:** Fuck no I’m dying

 **Running Steve:** So dramatic. Go to sleep then!

 **Bucky:** Can’t sleep. Coffee will save me. I got a triple shot.

 **Running Steve:** Are you out getting coffee right now?

 **Bucky:** Yes had none at home and was going to die

 **Running Steve:** That’s probably not gonna help your jetlag

 **Bucky:** Coffee cures all Steve

 **Running Steve:** I’ll remember that

Apparently Steve did remember that, because at work on Monday a small package was delivered to Bucky. He opened it to find four bags of Starbucks coffee—one blonde, one medium, one dark roast and one caramel flavour. Steve was apparently covering all his bases. The included note just said _Don’t die! Steve x_

Bucky was so excited, he didn’t even care that Steve sending him a gift was probably a little weird if he thought about it. It was so fucking nice of him.

Wanda peered over at him. “What’s got you grinning?” she asked.

Bucky held up one of the bags to her. “My friend sent coffee cause he knows I’m all jetlagged.”

Wanda nodded in empathy. “Just one of the reasons I hate flying.”

Bucky picked out the dark roast. “Want a cup?” he asked Wanda as he headed to the kitchen.

“Yes, please,” she nodded gratefully.

Bucky pottered around in the kitchen, making the coffee, and pulled out his phone while he waited for it to brew.

 **Bucky:** You are a real life superhero. And for future reference I like dark roast best but all coffee is good coffee.

Steve replied quickly.

 **Running Steve:** Future reference huh? Am I likely to be buying you coffee again?

Oh crap, Bucky had really typed that. Oops.

 **Bucky:** Sorry, just in case you were curious is what I meant. This is awesome, thank you so much.

 **Running Steve:** I’m kidding Buck. I’ll buy you coffee anytime ;)

 _Shit_. Had he just inadvertently flirted with Steve? He hadn’t meant to. He just really loved the coffee and it was such a nice thing of Steve to do. Bucky stared at his phone for a few moments. The best plan was to ignore the winky face on the end of Steve’s message and go with simple.

 **Bucky:** Seriously, thanks :)

 

****

 

“Oh my god, this is amazing,” Peter said, mouth full of pink-coloured KitKat.

Bucky looked over at him, suppressing a smile. Peter had come over that night and Bucky had presented him with his souvenir. He’d brought back a bunch of different flavoured KitKat’s as a present for Peter. The pink one seemed to be raspberry flavour. Bucky had become surprisingly very fond of the matcha one.

“You’ve got to try the banana one,” Bucky said, digging around in the bag for it. “Steve and I almost barfed.”

“You guys hung out a lot?” Peter asked, still shoveling down the remains of the KitKat.

“Yeah, in the evenings we’d go out and wander the city a bit and grab something to eat. There wasn’t a whole lot of time, but it was amazing. Steve’s travelled a lot but he’d never been to Tokyo, so he was just as excited as me,” Bucky explained, abandoning his banana KitKat search and pulling out his phone to show Peter some snaps from his trip.

Bucky leant over to him, but Peter plucked the phone out of his hand and set it down on the arm of the sofa behind him before pulling Bucky in towards his chest, with one arm snaking around his waist, and kissed him fiercely.

“Hey,” Bucky pouted, as he pushed him away. “I wanted to show you pictures.”

“Show me later,” Peter disputed, pulling Bucky in again. Bucky went with it this time. It was nice having Peter so attentive, until he started pressing Bucky into the sofa and pulling at Bucky’s shirt and Bucky realised just how tired he was.

Bucky broke the kiss. “I’m so fucking tired,” Bucky sighed apologetically, lightly pushing Peter up.

“Seriously?” Peter frowned down at him.

“Jetlag is a real and horrible thing,” Bucky complained while inadvertently yawning.

“Jeez, sorry to keep you up,” Peter sniped at him. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come over.”

Bucky watched him looking sulky. “I wanted you to come over. I wanted to give you KitKat’s and show you pictures,” Bucky frowned. “Can’t you keep your hands off me for one night?” he pouted in that way that often made Peter give in.

Peter sighed and picked up Bucky’s phone, the pout apparently working. “Alright, show me the pictures,” he relented.

Bucky bounced up to sitting, leaning over while Peter scrolled so he could give a running commentary. Peter didn’t seem all that interested though.

“What’s with all the Steve pictures,” he complained after a while.

Bucky looked up from the screen, narrowing his eyes in disbelief. “There’s like three pictures of him.” Bucky had taken a couple of him in touristy areas and there was one of the both of them that Steve had forced another tourist to take for them because Steve hated selfies. “Are you jealous?” Bucky couldn’t help asking.

Peter actually huffed at him out loud. “No, I’m not jealous.” He got to his feet, putting Bucky’s phone down. “I better get home. You _do_ look like you need to sleep.”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “Wow, thanks,” he said sarcastically.

“I just like you better when you’re well rested,” Peter smirked.

Bucky rolled his eyes at him. “I bet you do.”

He picked up the bag of KitKat’s, passing them to Peter. He was too tired to argue about Peter going home instead of staying over, even though Peter wasn’t working tomorrow. He lazily kissed Peter at the door and then trundled off to bed, cursing jetlag, and wondering if he’d actually be able to sleep properly ever again, but was asleep this time as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

****

 

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy. Everything was going great for him, it seemed. In the few weeks since the Tokyo trip, he’d felt like everything was really coming together. Tony was pleased with his work and he and Wanda had become good work friends and even though he and Peter didn’t see each other a whole lot lately because Peter was really vying for that promotion, it was still fun and easy, which was just what he needed. He’d even managed to start paying more of his rent, so his parents were only subsidising him a little now.

Running with Steve had turned into a regular thing. They’d meet on Saturday morning and run for an hour or so. It usually ended with a drink and sometimes hanging out a bit longer, just talking for a while. It felt really nice to have a friend. And sure, Steve still flirted with him sometimes, but he never took it too far. It almost seemed like a habit now rather than anything meaningful, Bucky thought. Sort of like Tony’s flirting.

When Steve saw him on the train he’d also always come over to say hi and chat if it wasn’t too busy, catching up on what they were both up to that day. So now Bucky felt he could officially tell his mother, when she called, that he had finally made an actual friend.

Steve himself apparently had a great group of friends in the city, people he’d known for years, and Bucky sometimes found himself wishing that he’d be invited along when Steve mentioned plans that involved them. Of course, they were still just running friends though, so he knew Steve wasn’t going to invite him into his friend group just like that. Still, maybe one day.

Lately, whenever he saw Peter, they usually stuck to just the two of them instead of seeing Peter’s friends. Plus when he did go out with Peter and his friends, he was still Peter’s boyfriend and felt like he was on the edge looking in, like he wasn’t really part of their group. They were friends contingent on him being with Peter and he didn’t want that. He wanted his own group of friends.

As it happened, Steve invited him out with his friends for the first time for that weekend when they met up for their run. Bucky was both excited and nervous for a moment before he remembered he had plans with Peter, as they walked through the park, both heading to the coffee place for once.

“Sorry, I can’t, I’m supposed to be going out with Peter,” Bucky told Steve sadly. He was really looking forward to a night out with Peter, but he really did want to meet Steve’s friends and maybe, just maybe, turn them into friends of his own someday. Well, assuming they were nice people, like Steve.

“Oh,” Steve replied, looking frowny.

“I really wish I could. Maybe I could meet them another time?” Bucky suggested hopefully. He didn’t want Steve to not offer again.

“What if we went to the same place?” Steve suggested, his face brightening back up.

Bucky liked the idea for a moment, before thinking Steve was being too nice. “Thanks, but you shouldn’t have to change your plans. Plus Peter probably wants it to be just us.”

“I don’t mind,” Steve said seriously. “We weren’t planning on going anywhere special, just somewhere local for a drink or two. You could just say hi and meet them for a little while and then hang out with Peter?” he offered.

“I…” That did sound like the best of both worlds. “Okay, great. Thanks, Steve,” he smiled, and got a glowing smile back in return. “I’ll find out where Peter wants to go and text you later,” he promised, as they reached the coffee place. Knowing Peter, it would probably be somewhere that played a lot of 80s music and had a good dance floor. Peter really liked dancing.

“Great! This’ll be fun. My friends will be so happy to meet you,” Steve said, before ordering their usual drinks.

Bucky smiled, feeling a little nervous again. “Hey, thanks, Steve…for thinking of me,” he added a little shyly. He really did appreciate Steve wanting to include him.

“I, um, I’m always—” Steve got cut off, looking a little startled as the barista passed him their coffees and didn’t finish his sentence. He passed Bucky his coffee and then smiled softly. “You’re welcome.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Steve finally has a Peter plan...
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments so far :) It really is appreciated.


	5. Every single day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve puts his Peter plan into action and there's all the drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise to people who said they liked a schedule for posting. Apparently I have no self control cause when it's done, it's going up!

Steve’s heart picked up speed as Bucky finally walked into the bar. God, he was so perfect and beautiful even in the dark light of the bar, in his tight dark jeans and black v-neck shirt, his gorgeous tattooed arm out on show, and that pretty chin-length hair of his hanging loose and free around his face. Bucky almost always tied his hair up usually. Steve wanted to smell it. He wanted to bury his face in it. He tried to push down his distaste at the fact that Bucky was holding hands with Peter.

He pointed them out to Thor. “That’s him.”

Thor looked over and let out a sigh. “Are you sure about this?”

Steve had finally come up with a plan to get Bucky to break up with Peter. And okay, he could admit to himself that it was a juvenile plan and had potential to not work at all, but it was still a plan. “Yes. He’s cheating on him, but I know he won’t believe me unless he sees it himself.”

Okay, so he was lying to Thor, but he didn’t care. Peter wasn’t good enough for Bucky. And if Peter responded to Thor in the way he thought he might, then it wasn’t exactly like Steve was doing anything wrong and if he didn’t then Steve would just have to find another way. Like maybe pushing Peter under a bus. Besides, this opportunity had presented itself when he’d invited Bucky out, so fate was obviously on his side again.

“Alright, I will try. But you owe me for this,” Thor told him, downing his beer.

“Thank you.” Steve was getting a little giddy that his plan was almost being put into action. He’d asked his other friends to meet them there a little later, so he didn’t have to explain it all to them as well, so Thor only had a limited amount of time to get this done.

Now Steve just had to come up with a way to separate the two, but then they solved that for him themselves as he saw Bucky heading to the bar and Peter heading in their direction towards the dance floor. Bucky must be getting them drinks. Even that annoyed Steve. Peter should be getting Bucky his drink like a gentleman, but clearly he wasn’t one of those.

“Okay, go,” Steve told Thor. “I’ll make sure Bucky stays at the bar until Peter takes the bait.”

“He might not,” Thor said, sliding out of his chair.

“Oh please, like anyone has ever not found you attractive.” That was why Steve had picked him. He’d never seen anyone, male or female, turn Thor down. Ever.

Thor laughed. “Ah, flattery. Thank you, Steven.”

Steve practically pushed him in the right direction and then headed to the bar.

 

****

 

Bucky leant on the bar, waiting to get the bartender’s attention. He’d been right about Peter picking a super 80s-style gay bar. As soon as they’d walked in, they’d been playing one of Peter’s favourite songs and he’d gone straight to dance, Bucky waving him away. Even though they’d had a couple of drinks before coming out, Bucky hadn’t had anywhere near enough to start dancing yet. He needed liquid courage to get his dancing shoes on.

“What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?” a deep voice said and he turned to see Steve there next to him, a big grin on his face.

“Hey,” Bucky smiled, “you’re here!” He was actually really excited to see Steve, though a bit nervous at the idea of meeting a group of new people. But he could fake it. He was good at pretending to be confident when he needed to.

“Yeah, my friends haven’t arrived yet though,” Steve said with a smile. “I’m always early.” Steve leant onto the bar with one arm, facing Bucky.

“Peter’s gone to the dance floor, I’m just getting drinks,” Bucky explained as he gave Steve a brief glance over. He looked good. He was wearing a dark red t-shirt that looked so tight Bucky wondered how he’d gotten it on in the first place and jeans just as fitted, which probably explained why a twinkie-looking guy behind Steve was staring at Steve’s ass right now.

Steve nodded his head thoughtfully and gave Bucky a little grin. “That’s too bad. Would have asked you to dance.”

“Yeah, Peter probably wouldn’t be too thrilled about that,” Bucky commented lightly, peering at the bartender, who waved his hand like he’d be there in a minute.

“He a jealous guy?” Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged and glanced back over at Steve. “No, not particularly.”

Steve raised his eyebrow a little. “Wouldn’t blame him if he was, having you and all.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve was laying it on thick today. “Thanks.”

Steve chuckled. “You don’t even see the amount of guys who’ve been checking you out in here, do you?”

Bucky looked over at him, giving him a considered look. “I can clearly see one of them.”

Steve laughed, his hand on his chest. “You got me there,” he admitted with a grin.

“Hey,” a voice said, and Bucky looked to see the ass-staring guy had sidled up to Steve’s side. “Can I get you a drink?” he offered Steve as Bucky watched, feeling a little annoyed at being interrupted.

“Oh, thanks, but I’m here with my boyfriend,” Steve apologised, friendly as anything, yanking Bucky close to his side and putting his arm round his shoulders, while Bucky tried not to look too surprised.

Ass-staring guy raised his hands in apology. “Sorry, didn’t realise you were together.” He quickly hurried away, looking worried, possibly seeing the frowny face Bucky had going on.

“Sorry,” Steve said, leaning his head close to Bucky’s, not moving his arm. “Thanks for helping me out.”

“Um, yeah,” Bucky said, awkwardly shifting a little before Steve seemed to realise he was still holding Bucky close to his side and released him. “You didn’t like him?” Bucky asked.

Steve looked at Bucky in what looked like disbelief for a moment. “He’s not my type. And I’m not really looking.”

“Oh,” Bucky replied, a little curious, but decided not to ask why not, as the bartender finally came over. Bucky ordered a mojito. He liked cocktails, so sue him. He ordered a beer for Peter. Steve ordered scotch.

Bucky smirked at him. “How manly of you, Steve.”

Steve slapped down a bill on the bar. “Yeah, well your pretty cocktail is on me.”

Bucky shook his head. “That’s cool, I got it.” He reached for his wallet but Steve put his hand on his arm.

“One drink isn’t going to piss Peter off, is it?” he asked.

“No,” Bucky frowned. He thought it was kinda funny that Steve was buying his drink _and_ Peter’s but acting like he was only buying Bucky’s.

“Well then. Enjoy,” Steve said. “I better go see if my friends have turned up. When they do, I could come find you so you can meet them?” he suggested.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, lifting his drink and Peter’s. “That sounds good.”

They walked in the direction of the dance floor together, chatting as they went, and then Bucky almost dropped his drinks as he took in the scene in front of him. Peter was there, making out with some huge muscled, long-haired guy, right in the middle of the fucking dance floor.

“What the fuck?” Bucky breathed out as disbelief and anger rushed through him like a steam train, flooring him completely. He felt a little like he might be sick.

“Isn’t that your boyfriend?” he heard Steve ask tentatively.

 

****

 

Steve had kept an eye out from the bar and watched as Thor approached Peter and started dancing with him. Peter hadn’t moved away. Steve felt both elated and furious. He just knew that Peter was scum. Knew it by looking at him.

He started steering Bucky back towards the dance floor as he watched Thor lean in closer and kiss Peter. Bucky was still looking at him as they walked and didn’t see. Peter wasn’t pushing Thor away, that fucking asshole.

Bucky suddenly stopped moving and Steve knew he’d seen. Steve hated himself, truly, for the look on Bucky’s face, but it was better Bucky know what an asshole his boyfriend was. At least now he knew.

 

****

 

“Fuck.” Bucky slammed his drinks down on the nearest table. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. How could Peter do this to him? How could Peter do this to him when he was in the same goddamn room! At that moment, as Peter and the giant broke apart, Peter noticed him there.

Bucky stared at him, watching the guilt appear on Peter’s face and then he turned and started storming out. He couldn’t stay there, he had to get away. He felt like a geyser about to go off at any moment and he wasn’t sure if he’d explode with anger or tears.

Peter caught up to him, touching his arm and Bucky wrenched away from him, turning. “Get the fuck away from me, you piece of shit!” Bucky yelled at him. Anger it was then.

Peter reached out for him again but Bucky backed away. They were starting to draw attention.

“It’s not what it looked like,” Peter started.

“Right, sure,” Bucky let out a withering laugh. Was that the first thing any cheater said always? Was it programmed into them? “You making out with another guy wasn’t what it looked like,” he scoffed.

“Come on, just let me explain,” Peter said, gently grabbing Bucky’s arm at the elbow.

“Bucky, are you okay?”

Bucky turned to see Steve there, watching them. In his anger he’d forgotten he’d been right there next to him and seen Bucky’s humiliation first-hand. “Yeah, fine,” Bucky said, trying to pull his arm away, but Peter gripped him firmer.

“Let’s get out of here so we can talk,” Peter requested.

Steve was suddenly there, right in Peter’s face. “You’re gonna want to let go of him.”

Steve sounded deadly threatening, it actually sent a chill up Bucky’s spine. It was kinda nice having him try to help, but Bucky didn’t need it. He wrenched his arm away again. “Lose my number,” he said, before storming out. He could hear behind him that Peter was arguing with Steve, trying to follow him, but apparently Steve was his white knight because that didn’t happen.

 

****

 

As Bucky walked out, Peter tried to follow, but Steve blocked him from doing so.

“Can you get out my way, I need to talk to my boyfriend,” Peter said, trying to get past him.

Steve didn’t move. “He’s not your boyfriend anymore. Did you see how much you fucking hurt him?” he said angrily.

Peter at least looked ashamed. “The guy surprised me, I was just in shock for a minute.”

Steve snorted. Of course Peter would try to have an excuse. “Sure, that wasn’t you kissing him back then.” Steve stepped even closer, pulling himself up, trying to make himself as tall and threatening as possible. “If you go near Bucky again, I swear to god, you’ll regret it.”

Peter actually looked a little worried. It pleased Steve. “I mean it, Peter. Stay away from him. Lose his number, like he said. If I hear you’ve been bothering him, you’ll have me to deal with,” he said, his voice low, his words a promise.

“I knew it,” Peter snorted, narrowing his eyes. “I knew when we met that you were interested in him.”

Steve shrugged. He didn’t care about being caught out. “Maybe. Doesn’t matter either way. You’re the one who fucked up and now he’ll never speak to you again,” Steve said, smiling a little more than he really meant to.

Peter looked like he wanted to argue and then flung up his arms. “What do I care. We were just casual anyway,” he said, like he was trying to convince himself of that.

Steve really wanted to punch him in the face for that one, but resisted. “I knew you didn’t deserve him. You better hope I don’t see you again,” he threatened, before turning and leaving. He had to catch up with Bucky.

 

****

 

Bucky got out onto the street. He was so fucking furious. He was a good boyfriend, why did he keep picking assholes who fucked him over? He strode down the street, anger seeping through him. He felt stupid and humiliated. He wondered if this was the first time or if Peter had been cheating on him since the start and lying to him. Maybe all the times he had to work extra shifts at the hotel were just lies—code for “I’m busy fucking someone else”. God, he felt like an idiot.

“Bucky? You okay?” he heard Steve calling out and footsteps running to catch up with him.

Bucky turned his head slightly and caught a glance of Steve running up behind him, but kept walking. “Fine. Thanks for that in there.” He did appreciate Steve trying to help him, but he really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

Steve caught up and fell into quick step beside him. “Are you sure?”

Bucky choked out a bitter laugh. “What’s another asshole in the grand scheme of things? At least I didn’t live with this one.” That had been a fucking miserable experience, not only finding out about the cheating, but also having to move out and back in with his parents before he’d fled to New York just a couple of months later.

“Hey,” Steve stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry about him. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

Bucky turned his eyes away from Steve. He knew Steve was trying to be nice, but he just didn’t want to hear these things right now. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I mean it,” Steve insisted. “You’re so great, you should be with someone who appreciates you, who sees how amazing you are.”

And then suddenly Steve was leaning down and trying to kiss him, his lips brushing lightly on Bucky’s before Bucky moved away, practically jumping backwards.

“Seriously, Steve?!” Bucky yelled in disbelief. “I’ve been broken up for less than five minutes, _literally_ , and you do that?” Bucky was pissed. It was his own fault really. He _knew_ Steve wasn’t just wanting to be his friend, knew it the whole time.

“I’m sorry, you’re right, I didn’t mean to,” Steve stuttered at him, looking sort of frozen.

“You didn’t mean to?” Bucky said incredulously, glaring at him. “What were you trying to do?”

Steve looked ashamed now at least. “I just wanted you to know how special you are. Peter’s a dick, he didn’t deserve you.”

“And you do?” Bucky said meanly. “Just leave me alone, alright?” he said, storming off down the street.

“Just let me make sure you get home safely,” Steve implored, following after him.

“I can take care of myself. Go home, Steve.” He strode off faster, leaving Steve behind, his anger rolling over him in waves, threatening to drown him.

 

****

 

Bucky got to work early on Monday. He just knew that Steve would be on their normal train, waiting to apologise, and he didn’t want to deal with it. He’d spent most of Sunday in bed, feeling miserable, taking naps at odd times and eating cereal for dinner. Then he’d had to pull himself together for Monday morning. Sometimes being a grown up really sucked. He just wanted to live in his bed forever and eat Lucky Charms.

At around lunchtime, the grouchy security guy turned up, carrying a small bouquet of lilies. “We checked ‘em,” he said, dropping them on Bucky’s desk.

For a moment Bucky thought they were from Peter. But no, they were from Steve with a card that simply said _I’m sorry_.

Bucky balled it up and chucked it in the bin. He put the flowers in one of the office vases, filling it with water in the kitchen, and left them in the seating area. No use wasting flowers and they’d look nice for visitors.

He left the office at seven. No Steve on the train. That asshole Peter hadn’t even tried to contact him to apologise, not that it would make a difference, but was Bucky that easy to just forget about? He put his headphones in and tried to zone out. He refused to wallow. He was _not_ going to listen to Elliott Smith. Peter _so_ did not deserve Elliott Smith. No, angry punk music was the key here.

He took the earlier train the next morning too and the day after that. It was fine. Maybe he’d just get this train for now on.

On Thursday night, he left at six. He just wanted to go home and lie on his sofa and watch horror movies, because that was all he could deal with right now. It was usually his least favourite genre, but there was something satisfying about watching people getting their hearts ripped out. As he waited for the train, suddenly Steve was there next to him. He didn’t usually get on at the same stop.

“Hey, Bucky,” he said softly, as though Bucky was a skittish animal he was trying not to spook.

Bucky had just been turning his music on. “Hey, Steve,” he replied, not bothering to look at his face before firmly and clearly putting his headphones in.

Steve sat opposite him on the train. Bucky could feel him looking, but he didn’t meet his gaze. He looked away the whole time.

It took him over a week to give in. Each time when Steve happened to be on the same train, he did the same thing, tried to say hi and then stood or sat looking sad. Bucky may have glanced at him a couple of times to see what he was doing.

“Hi, Bucky,” he heard Steve’s sad and defeated voice say as he got on the train around five-thirty that night.

“Hey, Steve,” he replied like usual, but then found he really couldn’t be bothered with this anymore. “How are you?” he added, actually looking at Steve for once.

Steve’s eyes widened. “I’m...I’m okay, how are you?” he asked.

“Craving coffee actually,” Bucky replied lightly. “Want to grab one?” he offered the olive branch.

“Yeah!”

Jeez, if Steve nodded his head any harder, it would fall off. “As friends,” Bucky added, just in case Steve got the wrong idea.

His nod was more subdued this time. “Of course.”

They got off at Bucky’s stop and went to Bucky’s local independent coffee shop, a few streets from Bucky’s place. They chatted a little about work on the way there and about Steve’s Tokyo building progress. It was a little stilted, Steve clearly being cautious with him, worried about saying something wrong.

Once they were sitting with their drinks, Steve looked a little hesitant before he opened his mouth to speak again. “So…how are you?”

Bucky shrugged, looking down at his drink, running his fingers along the outside of his cup. “You know…not all that great.” It was an understatement. Even though it wasn’t like he even saw Peter all that much really, he still felt lonely. Probably because now he was actually alone.

It didn’t help that the first guy he’d liked since his ex had gone and done the same thing as him. Well, okay, a kiss, assuming it _was_ just that one time, was different to a full-blown affair with your best friend, but the premise was the same. They hurt in very different ways, but that didn’t mean the kiss was something Bucky could forgive. Maybe if they’d been years down the line and in love, it would have been different, but this was the early part, when your boyfriend was supposed to be infatuated with you and only you, so to be going off kissing someone else now was just…Bucky was better off cutting his losses.

“I really am sorry,” Steve told him, his voice cautious.

Bucky sighed. “Yeah, I know.” He did know. He could see it in Steve’s eyes when he looked up. He really did care about Bucky and that at least made Bucky feel a tiny bit better. He had so few people who actually gave a damn about him, it seemed.

“About Peter and about…the other thing,” Steve continued softly.

“It’s cool. Let’s just forget about that,” Bucky replied, giving his coffee cup a little jiggle to mix up the liquid a bit more.

“Can I just say one thing?” Steve asked, and when Bucky looked up again he was looking a little nervous.

“What?” Bucky asked suspiciously. He really hoped Steve wasn’t going to take this to a weird place again. He could really do with Steve’s friendship.

“Just…I know he hurt you. But I don’t want you to let one guy get you down. This is all on him, you know? He’s an idiot and it doesn’t reflect on you at all.”

Bucky blinked at him. Steve sounded so passionate about what he was saying and he’d hit the nail on the head. Bucky did feel like crap and had been wondering what was wrong with him. His self-confidence was shot to hell. His heart gave a little twinge at Steve’s words. “Thanks, Steve,” he said after a moment, a little disbelieving.

Steve smiled kindly at him. “So are we on for running on Saturday?”

Bucky managed a small smile. He’d missed them running last weekend. “Yeah. I’m gonna beat you this time, you know.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? You think so?”

Bucky nodded as though completely certain. They both knew he wouldn’t have a chance in hell of beating Steve if they raced. “I’m just gonna be a blur out there, so fast you can’t even see me.”

“I’ll look forward to not seeing you then,” Steve laughed.

After that, everything got a little easier, and they chatted like they normally would. It helped. Bucky could push away his thoughts better when he talked to Steve. Plus Steve offered to split a giant piece of homemade chocolate and caramel cake with him when Bucky felt a little too guilty to order it and then didn’t say anything when Bucky ate a good two-thirds of it himself. When they said goodbye later, Bucky felt just a little bit better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo do you think Steve was bad, very bad or not even that bad?
> 
> Also I keep forgetting to say I'm on tumblr at [deadto27](https://deadto27.tumblr.com/). I mostly just like stucky pics, but come be my friend if you like or whatever tumblr has? I don't know how to tumble.
> 
> Ooh also - super sneak preview of Bucky and Steve's apartments on my tumblr :D


	6. Every word you say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to cheer Bucky up. Such a soft chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real estate porn time! 
> 
> Steve's apartment, which if you look at the listing is designed by Marvel Architects, I kid you not! Let's pretend it's a two bedroom place though, Steve ain't that rich.
> 
>   
> [Steve's apartment](https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/130-Furman-St-APT-S-108-Brooklyn-NY-11201/245071445_zpid/?fullpage=true)

Bucky did not win their race. He didn’t win the week after that or the one after that either. But it didn’t matter. He still enjoyed running with Steve, though he knew he hadn’t been the best company lately. He just didn’t feel like talking as much. He felt like he was in a rut that he couldn’t get out of. But still, at least he showed up for their runs and tried.

“So we have an extra runner with us today.” Steve’s voice made him jump as it came from behind him and Bucky turned to see Steve and then noticed the beautiful one-eyed dog next to him.

“Oh my god, who’s this?” Bucky squeaked in joy, his mood instantly brightening, as he crouched down and carefully reached his hand out for the dog to sniff.

“His name is Lucky. Clint asked me to look after him while he’s away,” Steve explained. “He’s friendly, don’t worry.”

Bucky could see that. Lucky had already pushed his face onto his hand and Bucky was gently scratching his head, warmed from the sunshine. “Hi, Lucky,” he murmured. “You are such a good boy, aren’t you?”

He wasn’t sure how long he spent petting Lucky—he was sooo soft—but when he finally looked up, Steve was looking down at him, completely bemused.

Bucky stood up. “What?” he frowned at Steve, fake defensively. “He’s cute.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve smiled, reaching down to pet Lucky too.

“What happened to his eye?”

Steve shrugged. “Was like that when Clint got him at the rescue place. He does just fine without it. Runs a tiny bit lopsided sometimes.”

“Can I hold his leash while we walk him?” Bucky asked gleefully.

Steve huffed in amusement at his excitement. “Sure. Just do not let go of that,” he said, as he passed the leash over, shifting the strap of the little backpack he had on. “My life won’t be worth living if I lose this dog.”

Bucky promised and kept a firm grip as they started jogging with Lucky happily running alongside. After they’d been going for a while they stopped for a rest and Steve did like he usually did and went to get drinks.

Bucky sat on the grass, with Lucky’s face in his hands, ruffling his fur and then Lucky started licking him, while Bucky laughed, delighted.

“I’m so glad I brought him along,” Steve said, and Bucky looked up to see him smiling at them, two iced coffees in hand and a bottle of water tucked under his arm.

“Me too,” Bucky replied joyfully, laughing again as Lucky practically sat on him.

Steve chuckled and sat down with them, putting Bucky’s coffee down on the grass and also pouring some water out for Lucky into a travel bowl, which Lucky ignored. “It’s really good to see you smiling,” Steve said softly.

Bucky’s laughing smile became something a little softer. “Thanks, Steve,” he replied quietly. He rubbed Lucky’s ear. It really was cheering him up. “I wish I could hang out with him all day,” Bucky admitted.

“Do you like pizza?”

Bucky was surprised by the out of the blue question, pausing in his petting and looking over at Steve. “Um, yeah? Who doesn’t?”

“Well me and Lucky are having pizza for lunch. Want to join us?” Steve offered before taking a sip of his coffee, while Lucky let out a bark as though he knew what they were talking about.

“You’d let your friend’s dog eat pizza?” Bucky admonished him.

“No, my friend lets his dog eat pizza. His nickname is pizza dog,” Steve told him with a laugh.

“Pizza dog?” Bucky said doubtfully, except Lucky perked right up at the name and sat down on Bucky’s legs, tongue hanging out, looking happy. “Pizza dog it is then,” Bucky said with an incredulous smile at Steve.

“So? Pizza? You in?” Steve pushed.

Pizza after a run. Bucky did like the juxtaposition. “Sounds good to me,” he smiled.

Steve got Lucky off Bucky’s legs, taking the leash and passing Bucky his coffee as Bucky got up. “Let’s go then,” Steve said happily.

They walked along, sipping coffee while Lucky smelled everything he came across. When they got to Steve’s apartment, Bucky was surprised by how close they lived to each other. It was probably only a fifteen-minute walk or so.

“We live at the same number,” Bucky mused as Steve unlocked the door.

“Oh yeah?” Steve replied with a little eyebrow raise. Steve led him through the open kitchen, dining and living area and damn, Steve must be doing really well for himself, because the place was gorgeous.

“Wow, your place is stunning,” Bucky told him, looking around at the room as Steve unhooked Lucky’s leash and he bounded into the living room. Bucky took everything in. He loved the dark wooden dining table the most, along with the cool staircase and the massive kitchen island and hell…he loved it all.

“Thanks,” Steve replied easily, moving around in the kitchen and switching the oven on.

Bucky wandered further into the living room, putting his coffee cup down on a coaster on the coffee table. Three artworks on one of the walls caught his eye as Lucky jumped up on one of the sofas. “Are these yours?” he asked, peering at them. They were really cool looking. Bucky didn’t know much about art, but he thought they were good. They were abstract, Bucky wasn’t sure what they were supposed to be, but they followed on from one another and seemed to be done in shades of blue and red paint and maybe charcoal? Bucky thought they seemed sad somehow—they made him feel kind of forlorn.

“Ah, yeah. They’re not the best,” Steve commented as he walked over to stand near Bucky.

“I think they’re great,” Bucky said honestly, turning to look at him.

Steve went a little red. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Hey, sit, make yourself at home,” he told Bucky gesturing to the sofa. “Just like Lucky has,” he added, frowning at the dog, but Bucky could tell he didn’t really mind.

“Thanks.” Bucky sat and patted his lap to try and get Lucky to come over to him.

“I’m just going to change, I’ll be right back,” Steve told him, but Bucky was too preoccupied with Lucky to pay that much attention. This dog was way too cute. He wrapped his arms round Lucky and gave him a soft hug. He hadn’t had a hug in a long time, he realised. He needed it, even if it wasn’t from a human. In fact, he decided, dog hugs were way better.

“You really love dogs,” Steve commented, laughter in his voice as he came back downstairs.

Bucky lifted his head to see he’d changed into a clean white t-shirt. “I love _this_ dog,” he corrected, sadly releasing Lucky from his hug.

“Here,” Steve said, and Bucky caught a glimpse of something dark blue being thrown at him, which he realised was a plain blue t-shirt when it landed on his lap. “In case you wanted to change?” he offered.

“Oh cool, thanks.” Bucky could do with it. His running shirt was a little sweaty, even though they’d been running slower than usual because Lucky was with them. Though he was sure Lucky could have kept up if they hadn’t been.

Steve moved back to the kitchen and Bucky watched him getting pizza out the freezer as he stood and stripped off his shirt, pulling on Steve’s. He wasn’t sure where to put the sweaty one, so he placed it out of the way on the floor, next to the arm of the sofa.

“Hey, do you want to watch a movie or something?” Steve offered as he opened the oven, looking over at Bucky.

And that was how Bucky ended up spending almost the entire rest of the day with Steve and Lucky, watching movies, playing with Lucky and eating pizza and more pizza and feeling troubled that a dog was enjoying pizza that much.

Bucky glanced over at Steve where he was sitting on the other end of the sofa, with Lucky sleeping between them. This was just what he needed without even knowing he needed it—for a friend to hang out with, keep his mind off the recent crap in his life and just have a relaxing day with, without any weirdness. He felt a rush of affection for Steve. It was really nice. He was glad Steve was cool with them just being friends.

Lucky let out a weird snorty snoring sound between them and Steve looked over in amusement, looking down at Lucky and up at Bucky with a little smile. Lucky made the noise again and Bucky tried to stifle his laugh.

“That is too cute,” he whispered.

“Probably dreaming of pizza,” Steve stage whispered back at him, his eyes sparkling.

Bucky gazed at Lucky fondly. “You think your friend will notice if I steal his dog?”

 

****

 

Bucky’s dog high lasted until Sunday afternoon, when the emptiness of his apartment started to seem emptier than usual. He’d spent the morning actually being productive, doing laundry and grocery shopping and even cleaning his bathroom, but as the day wore on, his mood started to worsen. It was hard getting used to being alone again. Usually Peter would have texted him something cute if he hadn’t been over and Bucky had gotten used to the habit. It was hard finding no messages every time he looked at his phone.

He tried to stay positive at work and remain upbeat, but the week dragged on where it usually went too fast. At least he had his Saturday run to look forward to. It was depressing to think that this was his routine now though. Just work, a run with Steve once a week, and sitting home alone. Bucky knew he needed to make more effort to meet people, but all he felt like doing was crawling into bed.

His phone vibrated on his desk and Bucky got pathetically excited at knowing he had a message, but then resigned himself to the fact that it was probably his mother. Except when he picked up his phone, the message was from Steve.

 **Running Steve:** So I was thinking, do you want to do something other than running on Saturday?

Bucky frowned. The only thing he had to look forward to was running. Still, he was curious.

 **Bucky:** Like what?

 **Running Steve:** It’s a surprise. Meet me in the park at 9.45, usual spot?

Bucky really didn’t like surprises, but then again, Lucky had been a surprise and he’d liked that.

 **Bucky:** Are we hanging out with Lucky again? :D

 **Running Steve:** No. I know you’ll like it though :)

Bucky figured what the hell, he’d happily be surprised by Steve instead of staying in his apartment alone.

 **Bucky:** Alright, do I need to bring anything?

 **Running Steve:** Just you :)

 

****

 

The rest of Bucky’s week was a little more positive as at least he had curiosity keeping him going. On Saturday he was actually excited to get up. He pulled on a white tee and his sage green jeans, pairing them with sneakers, a black cap and shades as he left the house.

It was already starting to get hot out, even though it was early. He’d been warned about how hot New York got in summer, and it was really true. Bucky hoped whatever they were doing involved iced coffee, as he made his way to the park and found Steve already there waiting for him.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted him, taking off his shades and hanging them from the collar of his shirt. Steve was also in jeans and a t-shirt so at least there wasn’t any dress code for the surprise.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve smiled. “You ready?”

“Uh, you still haven’t told me what we’re doing,” Bucky reminded him.

Steve looked gleeful. “I know. Follow me,” he grinned.

Steve started walking and Bucky followed along, wondering where exactly they were going and then found himself feeling a little let down when Steve took a turn to the entrance of the Prospect Park Zoo.

“The zoo?” Bucky asked, trying to not sound as disappointed as he actually was. It was nice of Steve, he supposed, but he would have rather gone somewhere they hadn’t been before.

“Not really,” Steve told him as he got to the counter and then started talking with the person there, as Bucky frowned in confusion.

After a few minutes of waiting, where Steve still refused to explain himself, a zookeeper appeared. “Hi,” she greeted them with a handshake each, “I’m Carol. Great to meet you.”

Steve introduced them both as Bucky wondered what was going on.

“I’m told this is a surprise for you?” she commented to Bucky.

“Uh, yeah, I’m not really sure what’s going on,” Bucky admitted, glancing at Steve, who had the _most_ pleased look on his face.

“I’ll let Steve tell you then,” Carol grinned.

That was probably a good idea because Steve looked like he was about to burst anyway and was grinning like a crazy person now. “We’re going to feed the red pandas!” he exclaimed finally.

Bucky looked at him in disbelief as his lips quirked up into a smile. “Are you serious?” He couldn’t believe it.

Steve nodded while Carol grinned at his expression as he looked between the two of them.

“Oh my god!” Bucky was too excited.

“Now, you can’t hug them—” Steve told him.

“Aww,” Bucky complained while Carol laughed.

“—but we get to feed them and take pictures and stuff, right?” Steve asked Carol.

“That’s right,” she agreed. “We’ll have a chat when we get to the house so you know what to expect.” She started walking and Bucky and Steve followed along with her.

Bucky bounced as he walked. “This is so cool.” He couldn’t believe Steve had done this. It might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.

After a little briefing, they were taken into the red panda enclosure and Bucky thought he might die from cuteness overload. They approached one of the red pandas that was walking slowly across a branch nearby. It was incredible to be up close to them.

Carol passed him some food to hold out and the red panda was so cute when he took the food from Bucky’s hand, Bucky had to hold back a squeak of excitement.

Carol told them all about the red pandas as they fed them and took photos of them and Bucky was having the _best_ time. He turned to grin at Steve as another panda took food from him and found Steve looking at him fondly. He held Steve’s gaze for a minute, trying to convey how grateful he was with a smile.

“Now then, if you want to sit here,” Carol interrupted, startling Bucky. Steve’s eyes left his and Bucky looked to see Carol gesturing to a large rock in the enclosure.

“Go on,” Steve smiled at him. “And give me your phone,” he requested.

Bucky did as he was told and Carol passed him the bowl of food she’d been holding. Within a minute, one of the red pandas clambered down to him until it was right next to him and then Bucky really had to hold back a squeal because the little guy stepped onto Bucky’s lap to get to the food.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…” Bucky rambled softly. He sort of felt like he might cry. He looked up to see both Carol and Steve looking fondly at him now. “Steve,” he whispered, “look at this!” He could feel his heart melting.

“You can stroke him,” Carol told him.

Bucky looked over at her. “Are you serious?” he breathed.

She grinned widely at him. “Yep, just be gentle.”

Bucky lowered his hand slowly and carefully until it rested gently on the red panda’s back. The little guy didn’t seem to mind, too focused on eating, so Bucky softly stroked along his back. “Oh my god, Steeeve,” he practically whimpered in joy.

Steve looked maybe the happiest Bucky had ever seen him, when he looked over. “Smile,” he told Bucky as he lifted his phone and Bucky was sure his face wasn’t smiling so much as it was blindingly joyful.

“Steve, you’ve gotta come pet him.”

Steve looked over at Carol to make sure it was okay and then came to sit next to Bucky. He had to squish right next to him to fit on, his firm leg pressed up against Bucky’s, and then Steve leant in close to Bucky so he could pet the red panda without disturbing his eating.

“Oh wow,” Steve said softly. “This is amazing.”

“I think this might be the greatest day of my life,” Bucky told him, eyes wide.

“Smile guys,” Carol called out and Bucky noticed Steve had given her his phone as well as the zoo camera she had to take an official picture. She took a few pictures before the food finally ran out and the red panda moved from Bucky’s lap and started climbing back up the tree.

Bucky was just in awe for a few moments, sitting there next to Steve. “I got to touch a red panda,” he breathed.

Steve chuckled. “I know you did.” He squeezed Bucky’s knee as he got up from the rock.

When they finally left the enclosure, after Bucky said many, many goodbyes to the pandas, he was still buzzing and so absolutely thrilled. Carol printed them the official zoo picture to take home as a souvenir as Bucky heard himself babbling about their fur and their cute little teeth and paws, and Steve just listened to him with a bemused smile on his face.

Carol handed Steve the picture and he chuckled as he looked at it. “I don’t think anyone has ever looked that happy, Buck.”

Bucky leant over and looked at the photo in Steve’s hands. He was beaming at the red panda on his lap, Steve by his side, grinning at him. Bucky knew already that he was going to frame it.

As Carol escorted them out and they said their goodbyes, Bucky thanked her profusely for the best day ever, before he and Steve were left alone as Carol went back to work.

“Good surprise then?” Steve questioned with a quirk of his lips as they started walking towards the exit.

“That was the best thing that has ever happened,” Bucky said, still giddy. “I can’t believe you planned this.” He paused and thought for a moment. “Did it cost a lot?” he asked. “You have to let me pay you back, I bet it cost a lot.”

Steve waved him off. “Don’t be dumb, I wanted to.”

“But Steve—”

“You smiling like that is payment enough,” Steve chuckled. “You want to get brunch?” he asked as they left the zoo, before Bucky could reply to his previous comment.

Bucky was touched. Steve knew he was down and had figured out that apparently animals were the key to cheering him up. They’d only known each other for little over a couple of months, but he couldn’t remember another time a friend did anything like this for him. But Steve had brushed quickly past his comment so Bucky didn’t bring it up. “Sure, I could eat. It’s on me though,” Bucky promised.

“Deal.”

At brunch, Bucky looked through the photos and videos Steve had taken and continued to rave about the whole experience, while Steve was endlessly patient, listening to his rambling over waffles. When they finally said goodbye, Bucky felt like he still hadn’t thanked Steve enough as they stood just outside the restaurant.

“This was amazing, seriously, thank you,” he told Steve again.

“Wait, you liked it?” Steve teased him. “I had no idea,” he grinned.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he mumbled. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Steve for the first time, pulling him into a hug. After a second, Steve’s arms squeezed him back. When Bucky pulled away, Steve had this slightly stunned look on his face and Bucky hoped he was okay with the hug and that he hadn’t crossed a line.

“Um, here, don’t forget the picture,” Steve mumbled, holding out the photo print he’d been holding onto.

Bucky supposed the hug was fine then, and took the photo gratefully, deciding he was going to go and shop for a frame for it straight away, though he didn’t even need the picture. He knew he’d remember this day forever.

 

****

 

Bucky had hugged him. His actual arms had been around him. His hands had stroked along his sides. His neck had been right there near Steve’s lips. Bucky had said the red pandas had been the best day of his life, but Bucky hugging him…that was the best moment of Steve’s.

He could remember Bucky’s smell, like sandalwood and amber, and the way he’d got to press his hands to the small of Bucky’s back. He’d been completely overcome, stammering like a fool when Bucky pulled away.

He arrived home so so happy. His only plan that day was to make Bucky smile, because it hurt him how down Bucky had been lately and the guilt seeped over him, because he knew it was his fault. So he decided that he would do everything in his power to get Bucky to be happy again and Lucky had been such a success that he’d taken the animal idea and run with it.

Steve was so ecstatic that it had worked. He’d never seen Bucky look like that before—he’d had pure joy on his face, his usual barriers completely down as he grinned at Steve. Steve had loved it. He wanted Bucky so badly, but he was so grateful that Bucky had forgiven him and remained his friend. Steve could admit to himself that he’d completely fucked up when he’d tried to kiss him, and dear god, just the faintest brush of their lips together had made Steve’s head spin and he was dying to do it again, but thank god he hadn’t driven Bucky away entirely.

Steve scrolled through the pictures he’d taken of Bucky with the pandas, smiling fondly at the screen and pausing on one of them. The way Bucky had smiled at him…Steve melted. He wanted that every day and he would do anything to make it happen. Anything at all. It was all he wanted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive shoutout to Jaded_Queen who commented about Steve getting Bucky a red panda and inspired this addition :D Prospect Park Zoo doesn't actually do a red panda encounter but other zoos do so I went with it.
> 
> Feedback so far has been wonderful, please send me your thoughts, cause who knows, I might steal your good ideas and put them in the story! lol :D
> 
> I'm on [tumblr at deadto27](https://deadto27.tumblr.com), come be friends. Currently has a sneak preview of Bucky's apartment too :)


	7. Every game you play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve invites Bucky to meet his friends.

Bucky was going to make his entire family jealous. He’d bombarded them with red panda pictures on the family group chat his sister had made them set up but no one ever used. Bucky finally had a use for it though. Of course, his mom didn’t reply back via the chat but started calling him a little while later.

“Hey, mom,” he picked up, while he was finishing making green tea in his kitchen.

“Honey, those photos!” she cooed down the phone. “You’ve made everyone jealous!”

 _Mission accomplished_ , Bucky thought, grinning. “Ugh, they were so cute,” he told her, trapping the phone between his ear and shoulder while he poured the tea.

“Who is the handsome man with you though? That’s not Peter,” she questioned.

Bucky paused and gripped the phone again. “Umm, Peter and I broke up,” he admitted. He hadn’t told her yet. Frankly he felt kind of ashamed about it.

“Oh honey, what happened?” his mom asked in that comforting way only she managed.

Bucky moved from the kitchen with his tea and dropped down onto the sofa. “He turned out to be a cheating bastard,” Bucky said, unable to keep the vitriol out of his voice.

There was silence for a moment. “Do you want me to come and stay with you, sweetheart?”

Bucky sighed. “No, mom, it’s okay. I’m fine.” He did feel like he was doing better. “It’s not like last time, we were just dating, it’s not a big deal.”

His mom let out a “hmm” like she maybe didn’t believe him, but luckily didn’t push it. “Well, he’s a wanker anyway, sweetheart.”

“Mom!” Bucky sniggered in amazement. “Where did you even learn that?”

“Your father and I are watching this British show, I can’t remember the name—you know the one with that man with the brown hair?”

Bucky rolled his eyes to himself. “Sure, mom.” She always seemed to think Bucky knew every very vague thing she referred to.

“Are you dating the handsome man in the photos now then?” she continued.

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “No, that’s just Steve, you know the running friend I told you about? He took me to meet the red pandas as a surprise to help cheer me up.”

“Does he not swing your way, dear?”

Bucky almost choked on the tea he’d just sipped. “God, mom, yes he does, but we’re just friends.”

“Well, Becca says you should…what’s that Becs?” she yelled away from the phone. “Ah, get all up on that, she says.”

Bucky groaned and felt himself blushing, which was dumb because he wasn’t even in the room with them. “Becs is there? Tell her to shut up.”

“I will do no such thing,” his mom scolded.

“I would climb him like a tree!” Becs shouted in the background.

“Remind her she’s married, huh?” Bucky yelled back down the phone.

“James!” his mom reprimanded him for the loudness. “Well, I’m glad Steve is such a good friend then. Plus it must be nice to have something so pretty to look at.”

Bucky groaned again in embarrassment. “I’m hanging up now.” He heard Becs still yelling at him to hook up with Steve and his mom shushing her as he disconnected, rolling his eyes to himself.

 

****

 

“Are we really just running today?” Bucky fake complained the next Saturday when he met Steve down by the water. “Cause just FYI, I would really love to feed tigers too.”

Steve chuckled at him. “I guess everything we do now will just be one big disappointment to you, huh?”

“Yep,” Bucky agreed. “You’ve obviously peaked.”

Steve rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “At least I went out on a high.”

“My family are so jealous, by the way. I sent them some of the pictures,” Bucky smiled, crouching down to retie his shoelace.

“You did?” Steve turned his head towards him, looking curious.

“Yeah. My sister thinks you’re hot,” Bucky smirked as he stood up.

Steve went a little red, which Bucky thought was hilarious. As if Steve didn’t know that people checked him out wherever they went.

“Anyway, quit being lazy and let’s get going,” Bucky teased, running off without warning, while Steve let out a surprised noise behind him and ran quickly to catch up.

Running sadly now felt far less fun without Lucky. Bucky wondered if Steve could convince his friend to let them borrow his dog every Saturday. Not that Steve wasn’t enough, but without Lucky, Steve was back to running like a machine. Bucky was pretty sure he almost died on their run and collapsed down on a bench while Steve looked apologetic and went to get drinks.

He was just about recovering when a guy sat down next to him. He looked like he’d been running too and was a little out of breath.

“Hey,” the guy said, looking over at Bucky.

“Hey,” Bucky replied, glancing over at the guy. He was cute. Kinda lanky and a little bit hipster looking, with floppy bangs, like the complete opposite to Peter.

“I’m Harry,” the guy continued.

“Bucky,” Bucky replied, sitting up a little bit from his previously hunched over position.

“Went too hard, huh?” Harry commented.

“Something like that,” Bucky said with a smile and shake of his head at his own stupidity.

“I’ve seen you running here a few times,” Harry continued with a smile. “I’ve only just started getting into it. Have you and your friend been running a while?”

“I have, but we’ve just been running together a couple of months,” Bucky explained.

“So he’s not your boyfriend then?” Harry asked frankly.

“Oh. Umm, no.” Bucky hadn’t been expecting someone to be that forward with him. He could feel himself almost blushing. He also wondered if he was that obviously gay, because the guy seemed very sure of himself.

“Would you maybe want to grab a coffee sometime?” Harry offered.

Bucky was surprised but he tried to remember Steve’s words of encouragement that he’d given him after his breakup, and this guy was cute and he could do with a date to help him move on. It didn’t have to be a big thing. “Sure,” he told Harry.

Harry smiled, a little more shyly now. Bucky liked that. “Can I get your number?” he asked, offering his phone out.

Bucky nodded and typed it in before passing it back.

“I’m away for a week on business, but I’ll call you when I’m back,” Harry promised, standing up and pushing his hair back. “Better get back to it,” he sighed then smiled a dazzling smile, showing off his perfect white teeth.

“Cool. See ya,” Bucky said lightly and Harry started running just as Steve approached with their coffees.

“Friend of yours?” he asked as he sat down and passed Bucky his drink, watching Harry go, while Bucky took the iced coffee gratefully.

“Nah, he just asked me out,” Bucky said, taking a sip of his drink that he had managed to pay for this time.

“Oh.” Steve’s voice sounded hollow. When Bucky looked over, he was frowning.

Bucky turned back to look at the water and the way the sun was reflecting off it, making it shimmer. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised by Steve’s reaction—he’d made it clear he liked Bucky, but Steve was basically his only friend and he didn’t really see him in that way and Bucky thought he’d been pretty firm on that. Steve hadn’t even been flirting with him lately.

“Did you say yes?” Steve asked stormily.

Bucky frowned at his tone. “Yeah, I did. He seems nice.”

Steve huffed out a laugh.

That irked Bucky and he turned to look at him. “What’s that noise for?”

Steve shook his head. “Nothing. Just you thought Peter was nice too,” he commented lightly, sipping his drink.

Bucky felt anger bubbling up in him. What a dick thing for Steve to say to him. “Yeah, well, it’s just a date. But maybe you’re right, maybe I’m not so good at telling if someone is a nice guy,” he said pointedly, standing up. “I’m going home, I’ll see you later, Steve.”

Steve was instantly on his feet, following him. “Wait, Bucky, I’m sorry,” he said, touching Bucky’s arm.

Bucky paused and looked at him, interested in what he had to say for himself.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again.” Steve looked at him with those big blue eyes, all sad and imploring.

Bucky felt a little anger dissipating. “Yeah, alright, I get it. But it’s just a date.” He sighed. “I need to get going anyway. I’ll see you next week?” he offered.

Steve looked like he wanted to argue and get Bucky to stay, but he just nodded. “Okay. Have a good day.”

Bucky nodded and started walking. He was pretty sure Steve was watching him until he got to the street and turned the corner.

 

****

 

Steve got home from their run completely miserable. Everything had been so good and now it was horrible. He didn’t know what he had to do to get Bucky to see him as an option. He seemed to hardly even notice Steve in that way.

He’d been trying to be patient and let Bucky recover from his breakup, even though Steve couldn’t understand anyone being sad over Peter, but it had been over a month and nothing had changed between them. Steve had thought they’d been growing closer, but clearly he was wrong. And now Bucky was just getting asked out by random guys? How was that fair? Why the hell was fate doing this to him?

He let out a noise of frustration. Maybe Bucky just needed to see what was out there before he realised Steve was perfect for him? Maybe he just needed to keep doing what he was doing. Or maybe he should step it up a bit. But he didn’t want to make Bucky mad again.

Steve sat and thought for a while, his thoughts twisting around in his head, before he finally came up with a new strategy. Bucky had seemed interested in meeting his friends before, which hadn’t worked out due to the Peter plan, but he could see if Bucky wanted to again. Maybe if Bucky felt more integrated into Steve’s life, he would start to see how great they could be together.

Yes, that was a good plan, Steve decided, picking up his phone to message his friends on their group chat to arrange something. This would work.

 

****

 

Bucky was feeling pretty nervous as he walked up the steps to Steve’s apartment. All Steve’s friends were going to be inside. Bucky had arrived early though, so maybe his friends wouldn’t be there yet. That might be better, so he could meet them as they turned up, rather than walking in to all of them.

He’d been pleased though, that Steve had invited him. He hoped he’d make a good impression after he’d missed out on meeting them before because of the whole Peter is a cheating asshole thing.

Steve answered the door with a beaming smile and Bucky put Peter out of his mind. “Bucky! Come on in!” Steve said, holding the door open as Bucky walked inside. “You’re the first one here.”

Bucky felt a little relieved. He wished he’d brought something with him, like wine or beer or something, but Steve had told him not to. Steve moved around in the kitchen, offering him a drink and passed Bucky a beer as requested.

Bucky moved further into the room to look out at Steve’s terrace, where a nice breeze was coming in through the open door.

“So how many people are you expecting?” Bucky asked, but Steve’s doorbell rang while he did.

“Just a handful. Be right back,” Steve said, and Bucky’s nerves came back.

When Steve returned, he was followed by a couple of people. “Bucky, this is Nat and Clint,” he said as they approached and Steve moved into the kitchen.

Nat, a stunning redhead, put out her hand and gave Bucky’s a firm shake. “Nice to meet you,” she said with a cat-like smile.

Clint, who was also pretty cute, but not Bucky’s type, shook his hand too. “Steve’s told us lots about you.”

Bucky felt stupidly shy. “Yeah, we, uh, go running together.”

Steve brought them drinks over and joined them. “Nat works for the government, but she can’t tell us what she actually does, and Clint runs a delivery service,” he said, giving Bucky a little introduction to them.

Bucky nodded. “Cool. I, um, I work as a personal assistant.” He felt a little bit lame compared to Steve and his friends.

“We know,” Nat said, and Bucky saw Steve frown at her slightly and then the doorbell went again.

“Be right back,” Steve said again, leaving Bucky alone with his friends.

“Um, so how do you know Steve?” he asked, before taking a sip of his beer.

“Well, I met him at work since we work in the same office building, and Clint met him at an archery class,” Nat explained.

“Archery?” Bucky repeated, raising his eyebrows.

“So fun, dude, you should try it,” Clint told him.

Steve returned with another two people. “Bucky, this is Sam,” he said, gesturing at a guy who had a friendly smile on his face, “and Thor,” who was the biggest, most muscled guy Bucky had ever seen. He was pretty smoking hot, with his short-cropped hair and neat beard.

Bucky said hi and they both shook his hand too. “You know, you look familiar, have we met?” he said, looking at Thor before realising how much that sounded like a line. But he did think maybe he’d seen him somewhere, but couldn’t place him.

Thor glanced over at Steve. “No, I don’t believe so. Must just have one of those faces,” he said, with a loud laugh.

Nat sunk down onto one of the sofas. “So c’mon, Rogers, you gonna feed us or what?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Pizza is on its way. I’ll get some nachos,” he said, walking back to the kitchen.

The others joined Nat sitting and Bucky found himself next to Sam on the smaller sofa, trying to not look as awkward as he felt.

“So how are you liking the city?” Sam asked him. “Steve said you’ve not lived here that long?”

Steve really _had_ been talking about him. “I love it. Feels like home already,” Bucky said with a small smile. “Do you guys live in Brooklyn too?”

Steve appeared holding nachos smothered in cheese, with dips on the side, and offered what Bucky thought was an encouraging smile as he set them down on the table and perched on the arm of the larger sofa.

“I live about two blocks away,” Sam told him. “Nat and Clint are all fancy and live in Manhattan.”

“Not fancy,” Nat said as she grabbed the nachos. “Practical.”

“And I’m living with Sam while I’m looking for a new apartment,” Thor chipped in. At Bucky’s curious look, he continued speaking. “My ex-girlfriend was cheating on me. I had to move out in a hurry,” he explained, not really sounding sad, just matter-of-fact.

“That sucks,” Bucky commented with a sympathetic smile. It felt terrible to think it, but it sort of made him feel a little better. If even Thor, looking how he looked, could be cheated on, then anyone could. It was a depressing thought, but also made Bucky feel like maybe Steve was right, and Peter cheating wasn’t about him.

“I look at it as an opportunity. Now I’m free to meet the right person for me,” Thor declared.

“I’ll drink to that,” Sam exclaimed, tapping his bottle against Thor’s. Bucky smiled at their positivity—he’d never thought of it that way—and he toasted with them as well, looking over to see Steve watching with a soft smile on his face.

“Where are you looking to move to?” Bucky asked, sipping his drink.

“I have not yet decided,” Thor replied.

That started a conversation among them all about the merits of Manhattan versus Brooklyn and Bucky found himself relaxing a little. Steve kept smiling at him even as he argued vehemently for his hometown. It helped. Bucky felt a little calmer.

When the pizza arrived, they moved outside to the terrace to eat and Bucky found himself pulled into a more one on one conversation with Sam. He learnt that Sam and Thor were both personal trainers, and that made sense considering how buff they were. Bucky had thought he was in good shape until he hung out with Steve and his friends. Even Clint, who was the smallest of the guys, wasn’t actually small, and had a good set of arms going on.

Nat eventually sauntered over and stole his attention from Sam, asking him about where he grew up. They were all being friendly and kind to him and Bucky was having a good time. He hoped he’d maybe get invited to do more things with them.

“Steven, more drinks please!” Nat called over to him and Steve sighed exaggeratedly, but headed back inside to do as she said, as Nat smiled sweetly at him.

“So are you seeing anyone, Bucky?” Nat asked him casually.

“Oh, um, I was, but not anymore,” Bucky said, the change of topic taking him by surprise.

“That’s too bad,” she said lightly. “Steve’s single too. Has been for a good long while now,” she said as Sam seemed to overhear and approached them.

“Nat, what are you doing?” he said, with a pained expression.

Nat looked at him with wide eyes and an innocent look on her face. “I’m just talking.”

Sam rolled his eyes and clapped Bucky on the shoulder. “Sorry about her.”

“Oh, come on, like you don’t think they’d look cute together,” she said, turning to look through the glass doors where Steve was busy in the kitchen.

Bucky felt his face getting red. “Oh, we’re, ah, just friends,” he said, stumbling a little over his words. _Nat thought they’d look cute together?_

“I’ve had some great relationships develop out of friendships,” she continued, giving him a curious look.

“I, um…” Bucky started. Luckily Steve returned at that moment and Nat seemed to drop the subject as Steve passed her a fresh drink. Sam wandered back to Clint and Thor, who were still gathered round the outside table, finishing the last of the pizza.

“Has Nat been third-degreeing you?” Steve asked with a frown, probably noticing Bucky’s slightly panicked expression.

“I’ve been an absolute angel, haven’t I, Bucky?” she said with a smile that reminded Bucky of the Cheshire cat.

“Oh, sure, like I’ll believe that,” Steve replied, passing Bucky a drink as well. “Don’t worry, I’m here to rescue you,” he told Bucky with a grin.

Bucky smiled back. Steve was ridiculous. He dropped his smile and sipped his drink when he noticed Nat watching him.

“Did you know Steve visits the children’s hospital to do art classes with the kids,” Nat commented, seemingly out of nowhere, her attention on Bucky.

Bucky watched Steve’s face turning red. “No, I didn’t know that,” he replied, giving Steve a curious smile. He’d never mentioned it, but what a nice thing for Steve to do.

“He donated the whole of his Christmas bonus last year to them too,” Nat added.

Bucky nodded, impressed, even though he could tell Nat was talking Steve up and sort of acting like a wingman right now. “Well, Steve’s a great guy like that,” he commented.

“Uh, Nat, can you help me inside with something,” Steve said, not waiting for a response, but already heading inside. Nat just smiled and shrugged at Bucky, before following Steve inside.

“Are they getting more food?” Clint asked as he noticed them leave, coming over to Bucky.

“I’m not sure,” Bucky told him. He could see them in the kitchen, but they seemed to be talking rather than doing anything. Bucky turned to Clint. “Oh hey, your dog is so cute by the way,” Bucky told him, remembering Lucky was his.

“Ah thanks man, he’s the best. I was happy to lend him out so Steve could cheer you up,” Clint grinned.

 _Wait, what?_ Steve had told him he was looking after Lucky as a favour to Clint. Bucky looked over at Steve through the glass, where he was still in conversation with Nat. He felt a rush of fondness for Steve. It was so nice of him. Sure, Bucky felt a little embarrassed that he’d probably told Clint about his break up, but the fact that Steve had tried to think of a way to cheer him up and borrowed a dog for him was really sweet. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised—it was exactly what he’d done with the red pandas after all.

“Well, he’s a great dog,” Bucky replied. “By the way, anytime you need a dog-sitter, I’m available,” he grinned.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Clint chuckled.

“Oh hey, before I forget, are you free next Wednesday?” Sam asked quietly as he and Thor joined them.

“Me?” Bucky startled, assuming he’d been talking to Clint, before realising Sam was looking at him. “Um, I think so, why?” He didn’t think so—he _knew_ he was, but he didn’t want to seem like a friendless loser.

“It’s Steve’s birthday, we’re doing a thing and watching the fireworks,” Sam explained. “I bet he’d love it if you could come.”

Bucky felt himself frowning. Steve hadn’t said anything about his birthday. “What fireworks?”

Sam looked at him like he’d said something funny. “It’s the fourth of July.”

Damn, how had July rolled around so quickly? That was pretty fun though, Steve’s birthday being the fourth—they could pretend all the fireworks were for him. But maybe Steve didn’t want him there, seeing as he hadn’t mentioned it? That hurt more than Bucky thought it should have.

“I mean, I don’t want to crash…” Bucky mumbled, feeling a little out of place all of a sudden.

“Are you kidding? Steve’ll be thrilled,” Clint chipped in. “Here, I’ll give you my number and I’ll text you the details,” he offered.

“Okay,” Bucky nodded, a little tentative still, handing over his phone. Crap, now he had to think of a present for Steve. How was he ever going to think of something as good as red pandas? That didn’t exist.

He didn’t get a chance to ask the guys for ideas as Nat and Steve returned from the house, both carrying a few ice cream sandwiches each.

“Scream!” Clint exclaimed joyfully when Nat gave him one and offered the other to Bucky.

“You’re a child,” Nat said drolly.

“And proud of it!” Clint told her, ripping the packaging open with his teeth.

Bucky opened his with his hands, but enjoyed the ice cream and cookies as much as Clint seemed to. He licked round the edge to capture the slightly melting ice cream, still trying to think of ideas for a birthday present for Steve, while listening to the others making fun of Clint.

“Man, you okay?” Sam said, as Steve suddenly seemed to be choking on his drink and Sam started patting him on the back.

Steve nodded, coughing and catching Bucky’s eye before looking away. “Just went down the wrong way,” he sputtered.

“That’s what she said!” Clint smirked.

Steve rolled his eyes once he’d stopped coughing. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

Clint paused and looked confused for a minute, like he was trying to figure out who was right.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Nat patted Clint on the head condescendingly, with a grin.

Bucky grinned as they continued to good-naturedly mock each other. They were obviously all pretty close, but even so, they never made him feel like the odd one out and he felt like he could be himself around them as the night wore on. He stayed later than he’d expected to, eventually leaving when Sam and Thor did, after Nat and Clint had already gone.

When they hugged Steve goodbye, Bucky thought it would be pretty weird if he didn’t too, but he still caught a glimpse of Steve’s surprised face as he leant in. He felt Steve’s hand linger at the small of his back for a moment before they pulled away.

“Thanks for inviting me, it was really fun meeting your friends,” Bucky told him honestly.

Steve looked pleased. “Anytime, Buck.”

Bucky smiled to himself as he walked home, having waved goodbye to Thor and Sam as they headed in the opposite direction. It was the first time since moving to New York that he’d hung out with a group of people and felt like they could eventually be his friends. He’d had a good time and, not for the first time, he was really grateful that he’d met Steve.

 

****

 

Ice cream was evil. Steve had decided. Whoever had invented it clearly hadn’t thought about Bucky Barnes licking it slowly while they had to watch, unable to touch him or themselves. It was basically all Steve had been able to think about since—he’d actually been grateful when Bucky had left because he couldn’t handle being around him any longer and then he’d retreated to his room to attempt to take care of his problem. But that only worked for a little while, until his brain thought about it again and then the whole vicious cycle repeated itself.

After he’d pretty much exhausted himself, he tried to pull his thoughts away to a decidedly less dirty place and thought about how the rest of the evening had gone. Nat had been so awfully blatant in her attempt to help him, he’d been mortified and had to beg her to tone it down. Bucky had seemed to get on with his friends though, so Steve hoped that would help in making Bucky feel closer to him. Thankfully he hadn’t recognised Thor either, not that Steve had thought he would—it had been dark in the club and Bucky had been so focused on Peter, Steve didn’t think he’d really taken a proper look at Thor. Plus Thor, in the throws of post-breakup distress, had gone and got a radical haircut, so he barely looked like himself anymore anyway.

So all in all, Steve was glad it had gone well, but he really didn’t know what his next move should be. Maybe he’d call Nat tomorrow for some advice. He had to play a delicate balance of showing Bucky he was interested, without overwhelming him so he pulled away again, so Bucky could go ahead and start falling in love with him. Was that too much to ask?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to those hoping for Bucky to recognise Thor! The Thor issue will arise again...but not for a loooong time I'm afraid.
> 
> Up next...Steve's birthday. Also we're getting somewhere finally...the slow burn may be getting less slow very soon...
> 
> SweetPaprika - hope your exam went well and this chapter was something nice to read after :)  
> Op - you commented about jealous Steve and I got v excited, cause this was all ready to go, so hope you liked the little bit of jealous Steve, and there's more jealous Steve in the next chapter too :D
> 
> In case you're wondering, Harry is Harry Osborn. Why's he running down in Brooklyn, who the fuck knows? lol. There's some X-Men in the next chapter, cause why the fuck not, am I right?
> 
> All your comments make my day! Repeat commenters, you know who you are, I love you guys! Did you like meeting Steve's friends? 
> 
> As always, I'm on [tumblr](https://deadto27.tumblr.com). Recently posted a deleted scene from my other long fic, The Sweetest Spark, in case anyone wants to go read that :)


	8. Every night you stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's birthday thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter on a Friday, what?

The “thing” for Steve’s birthday turned out to be going to Coney Island. Bucky had forgotten, but he had the day off work due to the holiday, as did all of Steve’s friends. Bucky was excited as he got ready that morning. He’d never been there before. Plus it was the first proper friend group activity he’d been invited to.

Steve’s friends were apparently really dedicated to surprising Steve, because when they pulled over to pick up Bucky in Thor’s jeep, Bucky opened the door to find Steve was wearing a blindfold in the backseat.

“Why are we stopped?” he questioned, before letting out an “oof” as Nat clambered over him to sit on Clint’s lap, putting her finger to her lips as Bucky got in to sit in her now vacant seat next to Steve.

Bucky grinned at her. He didn’t mind surprising Steve with his presence as well. Clint had been certain that Steve would want him there, when he’d asked again if he was sure it was okay for him to tag along.

“Bucky?” Steve questioned, head turning in his direction as he buckled up.

Well there went that plan. “How did you know?” Bucky asked, as Nat groaned in disappointment.

“Your smell,” Steve replied, before suddenly clamping his mouth shut and turning to face forward.

“You saying I stink?” Bucky half-teased. He sure hoped he didn’t.

“No, you smell great!” Steve exclaimed, as though he thought he’d offended Bucky. “I mean…umm…I’ll just shut up now,” he mumbled, as Clint laughed and Nat smirked.

“Well, you’ve ruined one surprise, so don’t you dare take that blindfold off,” Nat warned.

“Happy Birthday by the way,” Bucky told Steve.

“Thanks. When did they rope you into this?” he asked dryly.

Bucky patted Steve’s leg, seeing as he couldn’t convey anything with his eyes. “Hey, I wanted to come. You should have said it was your birthday.”

“Nah, I don’t like to make a big deal of it. Fourth of July kind of overshadows it anyway.”

“Fourth of July? Never heard of it,” Bucky deadpanned and Steve grinned.

The car journey took twice as long as it was supposed to due to all the holiday traffic, but Bucky found he really enjoyed it. He learnt more about Steve’s friends and at one point when they were stuck in traffic, Thor had put some classic rock on, refused to not sing, and they’d all eventually joined in for the rest of the journey. It was really fun, plus Bucky learnt that Steve had a surprisingly nice singing voice.

They finally got parked and Nat pushed Steve towards him when Bucky opened the door, so he got out and grabbed Steve’s hand to help him from the car, making sure to shield his head so he didn’t smack it on the roof.

“Okay, ready?” Nat said, as she came round to their side and Bucky realised he was still holding Steve’s hand and let go when Nat reached up to pull the blindfold off from behind.

Steve blinked his eyes, focusing on Bucky, and gave him a sweet smile, before he took in the surrounding area and realised where he was. “You guys…this is amazing,” he smiled at them all.

“We know how much you love it here,” Sam said, thumping Steve on the shoulder, before going to start unloading the car.

They’d brought along things for the beach and then they were going to go to Luna Park and hit some rides. Bucky had asked if he needed to bring anything and Clint had put him in charge of sunscreen, which Bucky figured was his way of including him without actually making him do anything. But Bucky took his task seriously and had come armed with three different factor sunscreens in his bag.

Once they were all loaded up, they started walking to the beach, which was already massively crowded. “So why do you like it here?” Bucky asked Steve as they walked behind the others.

“Oh, I, um…I used to come here with my mom,” Steve answered quietly.

“Used to?” Bucky asked stupidly before his brain caught up with his mouth.

“Yeah, she passed away when I was twenty,” Steve said, looking at his feet.

Bucky felt terrible. He reached out and gave Steve’s upper arm a squeeze. “I’m really sorry.” He couldn’t imagine losing a parent so young. His parents were a constant in his life, always there whenever he needed them. He felt extra guilty thinking that, seeing as he still hadn’t gone to visit them.

Steve looked down at his arm. “Thanks.” He didn’t speak for a few moments and then continued, his tone a bit brighter. “I always loved coming here with her, it was a special place.” He smiled softly at Bucky. “I’m glad you came with us.”

“I’m glad I was invited,” Bucky replied, smiling back.

When they got to the beach, Nat picked a spot near to a volleyball game, laying out beach blankets and towels, while Thor put down the cooler they’d brought and Sam started setting up their beach umbrella.

“Oh I see why you picked here,” Clint drawled, and Bucky followed his eye-line to see he was looking at the shirtless guys playing volleyball. Hmm…a couple of them _were_ pretty hot.

Nat smirked at him. “There’s no harm in looking.”

“Like you don’t have enough hot men with you to look at,” Sam chipped in, puffing his chest out and tensing his arms, with a cheesy grin on his face.

“You’re all wearing shirts,” Nat pouted back.

Well, god bless Nat, because Thor pulled his shirt off over his head as he settled down on the blanket. “Better?” he grinned up at her.

Bucky tried not to stare, but really how was he supposed to not. Thor was made of endless muscle, all bronzed in the sunshine. Bucky was definitely not going to be taking his tank top off next to that.

“Who brought sunscreen?” Thor asked and Bucky jolted from his staring and rummaged in his bag, offering all three to Thor.

When he started applying the factor fifteen, rubbing it over his chest, Bucky felt his eyes widening. At least he wasn’t the only one staring though—Nat was full on happily leering at him, though Clint and Steve were frowning.

“Someone get my back?” Thor requested and Bucky stopped himself yelling “I volunteer as tribute!”, biting his bottom lip while Nat happily moved over to Thor, grabbing the sunscreen from his hand.

Bucky settled down onto the blanket, kicking off his shoes, watching the ocean to stop himself watching Thor getting all lotioned up. Clint sat next to him, frowning a little in Nat’s direction, and then Steve stepped in front of them, blocking Bucky’s view of the water, and pulled off his shirt too, dropping it on the blanket near Bucky’s feet, and Bucky had another frozen staring moment.

Steve was a work of art. Where Thor was almost bodybuilder muscly, Steve was big, but somehow lean—his muscles were defined and gorgeous, somehow without being bulky and he had these broad shoulders, but a tapered narrow waist, and fuck, was Bucky drooling? He thought he might have actual drool going on. He looked up to find Steve watching him, a little smile playing on his lips.

Shit, he’d been caught. “Um…sunscreen?” Bucky lifted the two other bottles he had towards Steve, trying to cover for his blatant ogling.

“I’ll do it,” Nat offered, finished with Thor, so Bucky started a very important conversation with Clint about if he played volleyball, so he didn’t have to watch Steve getting lotion rubbed into his soft-looking skin, though he couldn’t seem to stop himself glancing over a few times.

Thankfully Steve sat down next to Clint as soon as Nat was done, and they lazed around for a while after that, some of them baking in the hot July sun, others, like Bucky, hiding under the shade of the umbrella they’d brought, eating snacks and drinking sodas. Bucky was having a great time once he remembered he’d brought his sunglasses with him. Once he’d put those on no one could see if he took an occasional moment to look at Steve or Thor or even the volleyball guys. He really was enjoying the view out here. Like Nat had said, there was no harm in looking. Except maybe he wasn’t sure how he’d be able to still look at Steve on their runs and not remember what was under his shirt. But the damage was already done, so he may as well enjoy looking, he figured.

“Hey, do any of you guys want to play?” a voice rang out, and Bucky looked to see hot volleyball guy number one had approached them, talking to Sam. “A couple of our guys have abandoned us,” he continued.

Sam looked over at them. “I’m in, what about you guys?”

Thor was asleep so that ruled him out and Nat waved her hand like she wasn’t interested. Steve shrugged and Bucky figured it could be fun, so he nodded. “Sure, sounds fun.”

Bucky got up, taking off his sunglasses, and Steve and Sam followed. “Clint?” Sam asked.

“You go ahead, I’ll switch out with you at some point,” he said, clearly having actually taken note of how many players they needed.

“Awesome, I’m Scott, and that’s Logan and Bobby,” Scott said, gesturing to his friends as they walked over. Bobby came over to say hi, while Logan just gave them a head nod and Sam introduced them all as they approached the net.

“Let’s do mixed teams?” Scott suggested and Bucky somehow ended up on a team with him and Logan, versus Steve, Sam and Bobby.

As they started playing, Bucky was happy to find that he wasn’t completely awful compared to the others and was managing to hold his own most of the time. Their teams seemed pretty evenly matched. Logan was super quiet, really focusing on the game, though swore loudly whenever he missed a shot, but Scott was talkative and encouraging, always commending Bucky on a great shot. Bucky was really enjoying it. He’d missed having people to hang out with.

Bucky’s team was winning when he dived for the ball that Sam had just spiked at them. He accidently collided with Scott as he went for it too, both of them missing and landing with an “oof” in the sand, Scott practically on top of him.

Scott laughed as he clambered off Bucky, grabbing his hand to help pull Bucky to his feet and dusting the sand off his arms. “Sorry about that,” he grinned, reaching down to pick up Bucky’s cap that had fallen off, then ruffling the sand out of Bucky’s hair before putting the cap back on his head.

“Uh, thanks,” Bucky said, finding himself a little tongue-tied. Scott was cute and he kept touching him and it felt kind of flirty. He tucked his hair back behind his ears as he pulled his cap down a little more.

“Steve!” he heard Sam calling, and turned his head from Scott to see Steve walking back over to their blanket. Bucky looked over at Sam questioningly.

“Uh, I guess he’s switching with Clint,” Sam told him.

“Cool,” Scott replied, introducing himself when Clint walked up and they started to play again, but not before Bucky noticed Nat jogging to keep up with Steve as he strode in the direction of the boardwalk.

 

****

 

They eventually tired and gave up on volleyball.

“Thanks for playing, guys,” Scott said as they said goodbye, giving Bucky a cute smile before they headed back to Thor. Scott was just visiting the area from out of town, Bucky had found out, so while there was no point getting his number, it had been pretty fun to have a cute guy flirting with him for a while.

“Steve and Nat are grabbing food,” Sam told them as he checked his phone when they reached the blanket and then kicked Thor to get him to wake up.

“Is it time for Luna Park?” Thor asked as he blinked against the sun.

“Yeah, may as well,” Sam decided and Thor pulled his shirt back on. Bucky thought he heard a collective sigh of disappointment from the entire beach.

“Nat doesn’t like rides, so we’ll stay here with the stuff,” Clint told them, as Bucky pulled his shoes on.

“Cool, we’ll go find them and send Nat back over,” Sam offered and they started heading up the beach, discussing the volleyball game as they walked.

They eventually found Steve and Nat sitting on a bench on the boardwalk, Steve with his back to them as they approached.

“…touched his fucking hair,” Steve was saying as Bucky caught just the end of his sentence and wondered what they were taking about. Steve sounded a bit upset.

“Hey guys,” Sam called out loudly and Steve startled and turned, his eyes finding Bucky. “Ready to go on some rides?”

Nat grimaced and said she was going to join Clint back at the beach, giving Steve a weird look that Bucky couldn’t interpret, but Steve nodded. He really did look a little blue, Bucky thought. Maybe he was thinking about being here with his mom.

Bucky decided to stay by his side as they wandered Luna Park, hoping to cheer him up, as the tried their hands at some of the games and ate cotton candy. Steve and Thor got super competitive during a shooting game, but Steve eventually won and then gave his prize of a teddy bear to a little girl nearby. Bucky’s heart squeezed. It was so cute. She got all wide-eyed and happy and her mom looked really grateful too. Steve was such a good guy.

They continued meandering about, and went on a few of the smaller rides together and Bucky was pleased as they walked along, because Steve seemed to have cheered up again, and was smiling and talking like usual.

“Wanna go on the Cyclone?” Bucky suggested as they approached the rollercoaster. He knew it was the famous attraction there.

“I want to try the Thunderbolt,” Thor said. “I’ve not been on that one before.”

Sam agreed, but Steve looked up at the Cyclone. “I’ll go with you,” he offered.

“You sure?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded.

“It’s getting late now anyway, why don’t we finish up here and meet back at the beach for food and fireworks after?” Sam suggested.

“Sounds good,” Steve agreed and they went their separate ways.

While they stood in the queue, Bucky couldn’t help but notice that Steve looked a little pale. “You okay?” he asked.

Steve nodded. “Just a little nervous,” he admitted.

“Don’t worry, you can grab my hand up there if it’s too scary,” Bucky joked.

Steve did grab his hand. In fact, he held it the entire ride, looking like he was terrified, but not making a sound. Bucky’s hand actually felt a little crushed when they finally disembarked the ride.

Steve wobbled a little as they walked out, looking a little pale, before he suddenly ran over to the nearest bin.

“Shit, Steve, are you okay?” Bucky asked, running after him, as Steve hunched over the bin, retching.

Steve waved his hand as though he was okay, even though he was still puking and had gone pale white.

Ugh, this was all his fault. He shouldn’t have made Steve go on the Cyclone with him. He rubbed his hand along Steve’s shoulder blades, trying to be comforting. Steve stopped throwing up quickly, thank god, and Bucky fumbled for the water bottle in his bag, passing it to him.

Steve rinsed his mouth out as Bucky also found a couple of tissues and passed him them. “I’m really sorry,” Bucky apologised, feeling awful.

“Not your fault,” Steve shook his head gently. “God, this is embarrassing.”

Now Bucky shook his head. “Nothing embarrassing about it, alright?” he said firmly. “You wanna go sit for a bit?” he offered. He felt really bad. Steve had obviously just gone on the ride for him, even though he probably didn’t like rollercoasters.

Steve nodded gratefully and Bucky put his arm round Steve’s shoulders to lead him out towards a bench, still concerned about whether he might throw up again. Eating cotton candy before a rollercoaster was probably not a good idea, he realised. Not everyone had the iron stomach Bucky had.

They sat on a bench on the boardwalk, looking out at the beach for a few minutes while Steve seemed to regain his colour, drinking a little more water.

“Oh hey,” Bucky said, reaching into his bag again. “Let me give you your birthday present.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Steve said disapprovingly.

“It’s just something little,” Bucky told him, passing him a card which he’d managed to only squish a little bit. He hoped Steve would like it, seeing as he’d only had a couple of days to find anything.

“Thanks.” Steve opened the card, smiling at the red panda illustration on the front, and two blue passes fell out onto his lap.

“They’re passes to this art show, Art New York,” Bucky explained as Steve picked them up. “I thought we could go together. I mean, I don’t know if it’s any good or anything…”

Steve’s lips turned up into a huge smile. “I’d love to. This is a great present, thank you.” He looked kind of tentative as he reached out and gave Bucky a hug.

Bucky patted him on the back. “You’re welcome.”

Steve squeezed him tightly before he pulled away and opened the card again and read it. “Thanks,” he said, lifting his eyes to meet Bucky’s.

Bucky shrugged, feeling a little weirdly shy at having Steve’s blue eyes so focused on him. “We should probably go and meet your friends,” he realised. “You feel better?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

They got up and headed down the boardwalk, eventually finding the others back at the beach. Clint had already started getting their little disposable barbecue set up and Sam was already arguing with him as to what to cook first. Bucky watched Steve and his friends fondly as they continued arguing and eventually all settled down on the blanket, joking and laughing, and eating overly charred food—because Clint said over was better than under. At one point Sam told Bucky he was nuts because he preferred barbecue sauce to ketchup and Bucky couldn’t help smiling to himself, because if Sam was insulting him, he was pretty sure that meant he was accepting him and that was all Bucky wanted.

When the fireworks started a couple of hours later, they all stood and watched as they sparkled and boomed overhead.

Bucky bumped his hand against Steve’s as they watched and Steve turned his head towards him. “Look at all these fireworks just for you,” he yelled over the noise.

Steve smiled brightly in the darkness.

“Happy Birthday!” Bucky yelled at him with a grin. He really hoped Steve had had a great day, because Bucky really had.

 

****

 

All in all, Steve had a great birthday. His friends had planned a great day _and_ they’d been extra amazing and brought Bucky along. The only black spot marring an otherwise perfect day was that pretty boy Scott flirting with Bucky.

Steve had watched them as they played and Scott kept flirting and touching Bucky in between points and Steve had felt himself getting enraged, and then the last straw was when Scott had touched Bucky’s hair. Steve had never got to touch Bucky’s hair before. He’d felt sick with jealousy and stormed off the court before he could stop himself.

Nat had chased after him to try and calm him down and had managed to an extent, but it still blackened Steve’s mood and the image of it remained in his mind even now. And then he’d been stupid and gone on the Cyclone with Bucky and ended up looking like an idiot when he got sick afterwards. But there had been a bright side to making a fool of himself at least. Bucky had been so sweet, holding his hand on the ride, though Steve could barely enjoy that because he was busy trying not to throw up, and then Bucky had tried to look after him when he got sick. It was nice. Steve didn’t often feel looked after and he found that he liked the feeling.

There had been one other bright spot to the day too. When Bucky had been staring at Thor’s bare chest, and Steve had got stupidly jealous and whipped off his own shirt, he hadn’t missed the way Bucky had then looked at him in the same lustful way. Steve had found that very interesting indeed. He’d been starting to wonder if maybe Bucky was just not attracted to him, but today seemed to prove otherwise and Nat definitely agreed with him. Her advice had been to give Bucky some time, and keep doing what he was doing, and she was sure he’d come around on his own, so that was Steve’s new plan. He may have hated the plan, but he was willing to try anything at this point. _Something_ had to work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art New York is in May or something, but for this it's not. Not sure if you can barbecue on Coney Island beaches either, but I don't care, Steve can do what he wants.
> 
> I had to get this chapter up, cause I'm excited, cause next chapter...ya'll have been patiently slow burning for so long...:D Tell me what you hope happens, I love theories!


	9. Every vow you break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky keeps being irresistible so Steve has to step up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buttersquashing this is your fault...you said you bet I would post it today and then I did :(

Bucky couldn’t help but wonder if there was something in the air. The same day that Harry called to arrange a coffee date, someone at work also asked him out, while he was at lunch of all places. Bucky liked the self-confidence boost it gave him and figured why not, so he said yes to that guy too.

His name was Eddie and he worked in the science division with Bruce. Bucky asked Wanda if she knew anything about him and also checked company policy on dating co-workers, but she said it was fine, particularly as they would basically never even see each other at work. Wanda didn’t know anything about him, but she pulled up his file to see his picture, which Bucky told her was a total violation, until she lamented how cute he was and Bucky was pleased that she agreed with him.

So suddenly he had two dates, with two different guys, which was completely unlike him, but he figured his old way of dating wasn’t working so well for him, so maybe he should try dating lots of people. He didn’t particularly want to get into a new relationship anyway, so casual dating seemed like a good plan. Plus he was starting to miss sex, like a lot. He’d never really done the whole casual sex thing, but maybe he should give it a go.

Steve seemed particularly perturbed when Bucky mentioned he was going out with Harry that night, as they made their way home from work, meeting on the same train by chance, but Bucky figured he was just worried about him still. Steve hadn’t really been himself lately either—since his birthday he’d seemed a bit subdued, but Bucky didn’t want to push and ask him about it.

On the Saturday when they went running, Bucky could tell Steve was dying to ask him how his date had gone, so he wasn’t surprised when he finally did as they, or at least Bucky, was recovering from the run.

“So, did you have your date?” Steve asked casually, as Bucky took a sip of water.

Bucky let out an amused huff of air as he capped his water bottle. “Yes, I did.”

“Did you like him?”

Bucky shrugged. “He was alright.” He’d actually been kind of boring. “Didn’t have much in common.”

“You think that’s important?” Steve asked curiously.

Bucky looked at him. “Well yeah. You’ve got to have some common ground, right?”

Steve nodded slowly, looking deep in thought.

“It’s cool. I’ve got a date with Eddie for tonight, so maybe that one will go better,” Bucky mused. Eddie was maybe more his type anyway and if not, then at least he had a passion for science and maybe Bucky would learn something.

“Who is Eddie?” Steve asked sharply, his head snapping up.

Bucky frowned at him in amusement. Steve’s reaction was a little over the top, even for him. “Just a guy from work.”

“Work,” Steve muttered to himself as Bucky frowned at him.

“I just figured, may as well play the field now I’m single.”

“Right,” Steve murmured. “Well, you better go and get ready for your date and I better be getting home,” he said, standing up abruptly.

Bucky followed with an amused smile. “My date isn’t for seven hours.”

Steve shrugged. “Yeah, well…” He looked down for a moment. “Have a good time then.”

“Thanks,” Bucky replied. Was it his imagination or did Steve’s smile look kind of strained, he thought as Steve left.

 

****

 

Steve was so done with this. He was so so done. Except he couldn’t be done, because it was Bucky and he loved him, but this was killing him. Why was the universe making him suffer this way? Had he done something awful in a past life to deserve this? Who the fucking fuck was Eddie and why did he get to date Bucky when Steve didn’t. How was that fair?

Steve pulled out his phone and called Nat’s number as he walked. “Eddie,” he said as she picked up.

“I’m sorry?” Nat’s voice said.

“Bucky has another date with some guy called Eddie. _Another_ date, Nat!” he growled down the phone at her.

“Crap, I’m sorry, Steve. Where does he keep meeting these guys?” she mused.

“This one at work apparently. There are hundreds of people in that building, what if they all ask him out!” he complained.

“Well, the percentage that are men, that are gay and also single cuts that number down immensely, but—”

“Not funny, Nat,” Steve warned her.

“Okay, okay, I know. I know you like him and I know I said to give him some time after his break up, but that doesn’t seem to be working. I think you might just need to lay it all out there. Just tell him you want to date him,” she advised.

Steve sighed. “I tried that. He got really mad.”

Nat snorted. “In fairness, Steve, all you did was try to kiss the guy not two minutes after his break up, right?” Steve had told her the whole story. Well, except the Thor part. “Maybe try again, but with words this time,” she continued.

“I guess I’ll have to. If I’m not careful he’ll have another five dates by tomorrow,” Steve sighed again.

“It’s your own fault for liking someone so hot,” she teased.

Steve paused as he felt nerves flooding him. “What if…what if he says no?” he asked Nat quietly.

“Look,” Nat started slowly, “I don’t know what’s in Bucky’s head, and I’ve only met him twice, but I’ve watched him. And he watches you sometimes, with this little smile on his face, and honestly, I don’t think he even realises, and maybe he hasn’t quite figured it out yet himself, but I really think he does like you. If I didn’t think there was a chance, I would advise you to give up. But I think there’s a very good chance.”

Steve’s heart beat wildly at Nat’s words. “You think?”

“I do,” she replied.

”I better go there tonight, just in case,” Steve realised. He wasn’t going to risk Bucky taking this guy home with him.

“Good luck, Steve. Let me know how it goes, if it goes well. If not, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from you,” she said before hanging up.

Steve took a deep breath as he arrived home. He could do this. He could tell Bucky how he felt and lay himself out there. He just had to stay calm and hope it all worked out.

 

****

 

Bucky did learn a lot about science. That was unfortunate because it was due to the fact that Eddie was a talker. As in, Bucky couldn’t get a word in edgewise. So he learnt a whole bunch about what they did at Stark Industries, so that was good he guessed, but as a date, Bucky left feeling disgruntled and annoyed. When did dating get so hard? Was it so hard to find someone to get on with, who could hold a decent conversation and hopefully looked like that actor from the superhero movies Bucky liked?

Ugh, Bucky supposed at least he was trying. That was better than nothing and would keep his mother off his back at least. She’d sounded really worried when he’d told her about Peter after all, even though he’d told her he was fine, which was only a mild lie at this point.

Still, maybe he should just give up on dating for a while. His job kept him busy enough anyway and it seemed like Steve would probably invite him to more things with his friends, so maybe he should just focus on those things. But he missed having someone to hold and be held by.

He stopped into his favourite café on his way home to grab a caramel macchiato to cheer himself up and put his headphones in. He may as well drown his mood in sugar and Bright Eyes.

When Bucky got back to his street, as he approached his apartment he could see a figure sitting on the steps and as he got nearer he realised it was Steve, sitting there on his doorstep. Bucky was surprised to find that he was only mildly surprised.

“Hey, Steve,” he said slightly wearily as he approached, taking his headphones out and tucking them into his pocket.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, looking Bucky up and down, no doubt taking in Bucky’s date outfit. “How was your date?”

Bucky sighed and sat down next to him on the steps, putting his coffee cup down by his side. “It was fine. What are you doing here?”

“Just in the neighbourhood. Remembered you said you lived at the same number as me.” Steve was grasping his hands together. He looked sort of stressed. Bucky was thinking about inviting him in for a drink but then Steve kept talking.

“Bucky?” he said, turning to look at him, meeting his eyes. “Why will you date literally anyone but me?” he said, and damn he sounded really, really sad.

Bucky didn’t know what he’d expected from Steve sitting on his doorstep, but it wasn’t this. He let out a breath and tore his eyes away. “That’s not true.”

“But it is,” Steve cut in. “You know how interested I am, but you don’t even seem to see me as an option. Why is that? Are you just not attracted to me?”

“That’s not it,” Bucky started. “You’re…you’re very attractive,” he said, feeling himself blushing. Of course he was attractive. Steve was gorgeous.

“Then what is it?” Steve pushed.

Bucky rubbed his hand over his face. He guessed he couldn’t avoid this conversation. “I thought we were just sort of flirting sometimes.” He said ‘we’, because he could admit to himself now that sometimes he did flirt back a little. He hadn’t meant to tease Steve or anything, it had just seemed like playful banter sometimes. “And I guess it’s just...I...we’re friends, right? I like that. If I dated you, we wouldn’t be friends anymore,” he continued, feeling pained.

“I don’t want to just be your friend. You know that. You’ve known that since we met,” Steve replied frankly. “I thought maybe you might not be dating anyone for a while, but now you’ve been out with two other guys and I’m just sort of sitting here hoping you’ll notice me.”

God, he sounded really sad. Like heartbrokenly sad. “Ste—” Bucky started but he didn’t get far. Steve leant in and wrapped his hand round the back of Bucky’s head before kissing him desperately. Bucky sputtered in surprise and firmly pushed against Steve’s chest, breaking them apart.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Steve said instantly, hanging his head into his hands.

“It’s okay,” Bucky said gently, feeling terrible that he’d somehow caused this amount of sadness in Steve. He reached out and placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder, which he’d curved inwards, hunching over.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have done that,” Steve replied, looking at Bucky’s hand for a second. “It’s just so hard to be around you and not do that. But that’s no excuse. I won’t do that again, I promise.”

“Steve,” Bucky said softly with concern.

“I can just...I’ll just love you from afar, it’s fine,” Steve continued, seemingly talking to himself more than Bucky.

Bucky moved his hand. “You...you think you love me?” he said in shock. He thought Steve just had a little crush on him. He stared at Steve, wide-eyed.

Steve actually looked surprised by the question. “I thought that was obvious?” he said with a sad smile. He fixed his eyes on Bucky’s. “I think I’ve loved you since I first saw you.”

And even though Bucky knew that he hadn’t, because that was stupid and you couldn’t love someone at first sight, he found himself suddenly really seeing Steve, maybe for the first time, and Steve was a fucking catch. Okay sure, he was a little eager sometimes, but when had Bucky ever had anyone look at him how Steve was right now. It was like he was the centre of this guy’s world and why had it taken him so long to realise that?

 _Fuck it_ , Bucky finally thought. He launched himself at Steve’s face, pressing their lips together. He felt Steve stiffen in surprise before he started very eagerly kissing Bucky back. And damn, Steve was a good kisser. His lips were soft and he wasn’t all sloppy about it like some guys. He chased Bucky’s lips, mixing up the pressure, his tongue running across Bucky’s lip until he opened his mouth for him so Steve could explore further.

Bucky let out a little moan and ran his hand into Steve’s hair. Shit, that was soft too. Steve’s hand was on his cheek, stroking softly, and wow that was nice. It made Bucky feel wanted. It made the rest of the world fall away. Steve didn’t stop. He just kept kissing him until Bucky finally pulled away, panting for air. Steve was already reaching for him to try to pull him back.

“Okay,” Bucky said, making Steve pause.

“Okay?” Steve repeated, confused. Even confused he still had this look on his face, like pure lust mixed with a huge burst of happiness.

“Okay, let’s go on a date,” Bucky replied.

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Bucky stood up, Steve following the motion. Steve was still staring at him in wonder as they stood opposite each other on the steps.

“Wednesday?” Bucky suggested, because Friday seemed a bit too far away to wait. He tried to keep his nerves from showing, because suddenly he was nervous. This was a big step and could completely fuck up their friendship. And then he’d be left with no one again. Fuck, this was a bad idea, he was already starting to panic.

Steve nodded eagerly. “I’ll plan something.”

Bucky couldn’t help smiling. Steve was so enthusiastic and sweet, it made the panic fade away again. “Okay,” he said softly.

And then, because Bucky was apparently irresistible to him, Steve leant in, hand threading through Bucky’s hair, and kissed him again and this time Bucky got to experience the thrill of having Steve’s strong muscular body pressed against his. It felt pretty damn good.

When Steve pulled away, he stroked his hands down Bucky’s face. “I’ll see you on Wednesday then,” he said with that beaming smile. “I can’t wait,” he added.

Bucky chuckled a little. “Goodnight, Steve,” he said, giving him a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Steve looked like he’d just been blessed by god or something. He gave Bucky a happy smile, and Bucky retreated to his door and unlocked it.

“Oh, wait,” Steve called out and Bucky turned to see him holding out the coffee Bucky had left on the step. “Can’t let you forget your coffee,” he grinned.

Bucky stepped forward, a step above Steve, and took the cup, his fingers tingling when they brushed against Steve’s. “Thanks,” he smiled, and hell, when had he suddenly started feeling like a giggly schoolgirl with a crush. How had that happened?

Bucky held his coffee to his chest and turned to his door, feeling himself smiling stupidly shyly at Steve as he watched, eyes sparkling at Bucky, until Bucky finally shut the door.

 

****

 

“Nat, Nat, Nat, Nat, Nat!” Steve babbled excitedly down the phone.

“Um, yes, Steve?” Nat said with a laugh.

“He said yes!” Steve told her triumphantly. “We’re going on a date on Wednesday!”

“Aww, Steve, I’m so happy!” she exclaimed and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“And we kissed, Nat, and it was wonderful. It was the most amazing kiss of my life and I just…” Steve let out an involuntary sound of delight. “I can’t believe this is happening!”

He really couldn’t. Kissing Bucky was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. His whole body had trembled as he memorised the feel of Bucky’s lips and the perfect curve of his mouth and the little barely audible helpless noises he made when Steve pressed against him. He’d got to touch Bucky’s hair like he’d been dying to for so long and it was perfect. And god, Bucky had run his hand through Steve’s hair and those fingers of his were incredible and Steve was just so over the moon he’d practically reached Pluto.

Now he just needed to plan the perfect date so Bucky could see how much better he was for him than those other guys. He wanted to treat Bucky right and give him the best evening he could.

“I’m coming over tomorrow night and we can talk it all out,” Nat told him. “I’ll help you pick what to wear too.”

She sounded excited. Nat always loved dressing him, like her own personal real life doll. But Steve didn’t care. He was too thrilled. “Okay! Thank you, Nat,” he said in a sing-song voice. He felt like he could practically skip down the street. He had a date with Bucky.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I make you squee? I hope I did. I hope this was worth waiting for :) Comments make me so happy, thank you to everyone who leaves them, it means a lot! 
> 
> Sorry this one's a little shorter, but I split the chapter cause it got huge.
> 
> Oh and it’s Eddie Spider-Man Venom in case you wondered :)


	10. Every smile you fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More house porn. Bucky's apartment:
> 
>   
> [Bucky's apartment](https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/108-Pierrepont-St-APT-8-Brooklyn-NY-11201/79711532_zpid/?fullpage=true)

It was already weird. Bucky felt like he clearly hadn’t thought this thing through. Seeing Steve on the train on the way to work on Monday, Tuesday and date night Wednesday morning was just strange. Usually they’d say hi as they made their journey into Manhattan, but the train would be too busy for talking. It was the same now, except when Steve said hi, he gave Bucky this _look_ that made Bucky think of Steve’s lips on his and it was very distracting. Bucky found that he kept looking away and then back at Steve again as he listened to his music and every time Steve smiled this little smile at him and Bucky found himself staring at Steve’s lips.

And now he was panicking because Steve was going to be over to pick him up for their date soon and what the hell had Bucky been thinking? This was a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad. Bucky picked up his phone to call his sister in a panic.

“What’s up, Bucksey?”

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “What’s up, Becsey?”

“Just got the kids to bed. To what do I owe the honour of having my own brother actually call me?”

Bucky sighed. “Yeah yeah, I know I never call. But what is family for if not to call on when you’re having a crisis and never any other time,” he joked.

“What’s the problem then? Lay it on me,” Becca said.

Bucky flopped down on his bed, which he’d managed to cover with almost all his clothes. “I have a date.”

“Okay?”

“With Steve,” Bucky continued.

“Oooh hot panda man? Glad to see you followed my advice,” she said approvingly.

“Hot panda man?” Bucky laughed, already feeling calmer and they hadn’t even talked about the problem yet. Becca somehow always managed that.

“Yeah, so what’s the problem, cause I see no problem with him at all,” she said, and it sounded like she’d put him on speakerphone.

“Are you looking at pictures of Steve right now?” Bucky said in disbelief.

“I am, and you are one lucky man, bro,” she said in an admiring voice.

“Okay, stop perving on Steve and help me,” Bucky whined.

“Okay, okay, what’s the problem?” Becca said, back off speakerphone.

“Well, we were friends and then he asked me out and I said yes,” he explained. “And now I’m freaking out because what if it doesn’t go well and it ruins our friendship? He’s the only friend I have here.”

“Why are you always so negative?” Becca complained at him.

Bucky frowned. “No, I’m not.” He wasn’t negative. He was realistic.

“Alright, look at it this way then. You’re friends and he asked you out and what if it goes well and then you have a really strong relationship because you were friends first and then you end up getting to be with your best friend forever?” she said in an overly positive voice.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh shut up, and don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Seriously Bucksey, you’ve gotta just see what happens. It might be really great. Don’t over think and sabotage yourself.”

Bucky sighed again. She was right. He knew she was right. It didn’t make it easier though. “Okay, okay, I’ll try,” he said as he finally gave in.

“Glad to hear it,” she said happily.

“You know you’re really good at this, I should call you more often,” Bucky smirked.

“Yeah, I won’t hold my breath,” she sassed back before they hung up.

Bucky took a deep breath. She was right. He needed to look on the positive side. Steve was great. Steve really liked him and Bucky, well…he hadn’t really managed to forget about that kiss, so that was a good sign. Besides, a date with Steve would probably be pretty much like hanging out with friend Steve and he’d done that plenty. It would be fine.

 

****

 

When the doorbell went, Bucky was feeling remarkably calmer. He buzzed Steve through the main door and then opened his front door a moment later.

“Hi,” Steve said, giving Bucky a smile brighter than the sun as Bucky opened the door. He was holding a large bunch of yellow flowers, because of course he was. What had Bucky expected.

“Hey,” Bucky replied. Steve looked good. He was wearing dark gray pants and a dark blue button-down shirt. Those muscles of his were very visible under the thin fabric. He was holding a brown leather jacket in his other hand. “You look great,” Bucky said with a shy smile.

“You look incredible,” Steve told him, looking Bucky up and down.

Bucky was wearing a dark blue and gray plaid shirt and simple black jeans with boots. He highly doubted he looked incredible.

“These are for you,” Steve continued, holding out the flowers.

Bucky took them, feeling a little overwhelmed. “You really didn’t have to do that, but thank you. Come on in, I’ll put them in water.”

Steve followed him happily and Bucky noticed him staring round his apartment as they moved through to the kitchen. “Nice place,” he commented.

“Thanks.” It was a lot smaller than Steve’s place, but still so much nicer a place than he really deserved to be living in. Bucky didn’t have a vase, seeing as no one had bought him flowers before, so he filled up a glass jug he had and unwrapped and put the flowers in. Irises, he noted. They were pretty. He put them down on the coffee table in the living room. “So where are we going?” he asked Steve.

“I made a reservation at this great French place over the bridge. I thought we could ride over on my bike, if you’re comfortable?”

Huh, Steve had a motorcycle. He’d never mentioned that before. That was pretty cool. “Sure. Give me a sec,” Bucky said, heading up the stairs to grab his leather jacket from his wardrobe.

“Okay, let’s go,” Bucky said as he came back down, fixing the collar of his jacket, which had tucked in on itself.

Steve gazed at him like he was enjoying the view and Bucky tried not to blush as he grabbed his keys and opened the door. When they got outside, Steve passed Bucky a helmet and seemed pleased to find out that Bucky had ridden before. Bucky found himself pretty pleased that he got to wrap his arms around Steve. It was as though agreeing to go on a date with him had somehow made it okay to be attracted to him and now it was sort of rising up from where Bucky must have been pushing it down without really realising.

It turned out that a date with Steve was not pretty much like hanging out with friend Steve—there were some big differences. For one thing, Steve was a complete gentleman, holding open doors for him and generally treating him like he was really special. Guys had never really acted that way around him before. Bucky wasn’t sure what to do with it.

They were shown to a table in the corner of the room and Bucky couldn’t help but feel underdressed as he looked round the room. He wished Steve had told him they were going somewhere so fancy. As Bucky perused the menu he was shocked at the prices as well. He knew restaurants in Manhattan could be pricey, but this was crazy. Bucky ordered a glass of the cheapest red wine he could find when the waiter came over and Steve ordered the same and water for the table.

Bucky was trying to figure out what the cheapest meal was when he glanced up to see Steve looking at him, smiling. “What?” Bucky asked, frowning slightly. “Do I have something on my face?” He put the menu down and lifted his hand to touch his face.

Steve chuckled. “No, you just…you look really beautiful tonight,” he said softly, his eyes fixed on Bucky’s.

Bucky never loved the waiter more than when he returned with their drinks right at that moment. He had no idea how to respond to that.

“Do you want to share some bread?” Steve asked as the waiter took their order.

“Oh, um, sure,” Bucky said, still trying to pick a main course as Steve ordered fougasse, which was some sort of fancy bread, and ordered himself a steak. Bucky went with the chicken in a minor panic at making the waiter wait too long and then the waiter was gone with their menus, so now Bucky didn’t even have that to hide behind. He could swear he wasn’t usually this awful on dates, but Steve made him nervous.

“So, um, how’s the Tokyo building going?” Bucky asked, because he couldn’t for the life of him think of anything else to say.

Thankfully Steve started chatting about that, so Bucky sat back and listened and took a couple of large sips of wine, hoping to calm himself down. After a while it seemed to work. Steve asked how his work was and how Tony was and Bucky relaxed.

When the food arrived it was amazing, if a little bit fancy for Bucky’s tastes, as well as kinda small, but he didn’t feel so awkward anymore. They chatted and ate and they just got on so well, it was like just talking to friend Steve, like he’d hoped.

Except friend Steve probably wouldn’t suggest they share a dessert, and he definitely wouldn’t be staring at Bucky with those lustful eyes like he was right then when Bucky licked crème brûlée off his spoon. It was like now Steve had permission, the compliments and flirty comments just rolled off his tongue, along with the very flirty looks at him across the table.

It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t like it—it was just weird to go from friends to flirting in one step. He sort of felt like he needed to ease into it. Steve on the other hand clearly didn’t feel that way. At one point he even reached across the table and put his hand on Bucky’s, natural as anything, and Bucky had carefully slid his hand away under the guise of reaching for his drink. He liked Steve’s hand—he did—it was just a little much for him, and they were in public, and Bucky had had his fair share of homophobic comments in his life and he preferred to keep his displays of affection private.

When they finally got the check, Steve insisted on paying, which was so nice of him, but the place was so expensive it made Bucky feel bad. When Bucky stood to pull on his jacket, Steve rushed over to hold it for him.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, feeling a little awkward.

They headed out the restaurant, walking side by side back to where Steve had parked his bike. Bucky felt a bit calmer again once they left the restaurant.

“That jacket really suits you,” Steve told him as they walked.

Bucky looked down at himself. “Thanks, it’s really old.”

“I mean, everything suits you,” Steve added offhand, smiling.

Bucky didn’t know what to say again. “Umm, thanks,” he managed.

When they reached Steve’s bike, Steve pulled on his own jacket and slid onto the bike. Bucky climbed on behind and gripped Steve’s slim hips, feeling himself breathe a little faster. God, he was just all over the place tonight.

After an awesome bike ride home, where Steve rode around a bit longer at Bucky’s request because he really was enjoying being on a bike again, they were stood by Bucky’s front door. Bucky could see the hope in Steve’s eyes, mixed with downright lust, but Bucky had already decided that he wasn’t coming inside. At least not yet. Because while they’d had a good time at dinner, Steve was so doting and eager, it had felt a little too over the top. He couldn’t get a read on how Steve was really feeling, it was more like he was playing the part of romantic first date. Bucky needed time to think.

“I had a good time,” he told Steve as they stood on his front steps.

“Me too,” Steve said instantly.

“So, um, it’s getting pretty late, I should probably get inside,” Bucky said, because he couldn’t think of another nice way to say “sorry you’re not getting any tonight”.

Steve’s face fell. Bucky could see his disappointment blatant on his face before he pulled it together. “Maybe we could do it again?” Steve offered.

Bucky tucked some hair behind his ear. “Yeah, I’d like that,” he said honestly. Maybe Steve had gone over the top because it was a first date and he’d calm down for the second. Bucky had had a good enough time to warrant a second date.

Steve’s smiled returned. “Great! I’ll be in touch then,” he said but still didn’t leave. Instead, he leant forward and cupped Bucky’s face and kissed him.

Bucky kissed Steve back for a few moments before pulling away. “Night,” he said with a smile. Steve was really good at that.

Steve smiled back, but it was a little more subdued than his usual smiles. “Night, Buck,” he said and Bucky opened the door and headed inside.

 

****

 

“Maybe you could get your crap delivered to your house?” the grumpy security guard said as he all but thrust a large bouquet of white flowers at Bucky.

Bucky took them and the man walked back to the elevator.

“Who are those from?” Wanda asked with curious eyes.

Bucky looked at the card even though he was sure he knew who they were from.

_Thank you for a wonderful evening, x Steve_

“I went on a date last night, they’re from him,” Bucky explained as he smelled them.

“Wow, he must have really liked you, orchids are expensive,” Wanda commented.

They sure did look expensive. Bucky was starting to wonder if maybe he didn’t appreciate romance, because Steve had literally given him flowers last night and now there were more and delivered to his office of all places. It just felt like a bit too much.

“Don’t you think it’s too much?” he voiced his concern to Wanda.

She shrugged. “Seems nice.”

“If you went on a date with me, I’d get you a car,” Tony said as he walked in from his office, clearly having heard their conversation.

Bucky chuckled. “Come on, Tony. We both know you don’t want to lose me as your assistant.”

“Well, you’ve got me there,” Tony admitted as he took the flowers from Bucky’s hand and sniffed them. “Gotta say though, Barnes, if a man sends you flowers, you can probably get him to do anything.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Maybe he could get Steve to calm down.

 

****

 

“So how was it?” Nat asked Steve when they met for lunch in their building. “I was surprised you didn’t call me straight afterwards.”

Steve sighed and poked at his salad with his fork. “I don’t know. I mean, I thought we were having a good time and he seemed to be enjoying himself, but…I don’t know? He seemed kind of hesitant.”

“Did you get a goodnight kiss?” Nat asked curiously.

“Yeah, and it was great, but it was nothing like the other day and he didn’t invite me in,” Steve admitted. He really wished Bucky would have invited him in.

Nat was frowning at him when he looked up. “Is that why you’re moping? Sex?”

Steve felt himself blush a little. “No. But if he’d had a good time I would have thought maybe he’d invite me back at least for a little while…for more kisses,” Steve said shyly. He was beginning to think he was obsessed with the idea of kissing Bucky. It was almost all he could think about since last Saturday. And before that.

Nat fixed him with a look. “Steven,” she said sternly, “just because he didn’t invite you in, doesn’t mean anything. Also the fact that you wanted kisses and not sex just shows me once again what a rare find you are. Bucky will see that.”

“Well, it’s not like I’d say no to sex,” Steve admitted with a small grin.

Nat rolled her eyes. “It sounds like you had a good time together. Count that as a win. Maybe he’s just cautious because of how his last relationship turned out? You’ve got to let things develop on Bucky’s timeframe.”

Nat was always so smart. Steve wasn’t sure what he’d do without her. “Okay, okay, you’re right. I’ll try.” He could do that. Just stay cool and let Bucky come to him. That could work.

 

****

 

Steve called to ask him out for Friday night, just two nights after their first date, so Bucky guessed he’d really have to hope Steve settled down and became less eager. Still, he agreed and he was looking forward to it. He was only a little concerned about what it meant for their Saturday run, because what if it didn’t go well this time? Did that mean no more running together? It was exactly what Bucky had been worried about, but he tried to stay calm. He was sure they could stay friends somehow if the dating thing didn’t work out.

The Friday date did seem to be going better than the first. It was more casual, which Bucky liked. Steve had picked him up again, and hadn’t brought flowers again, thank god. Then they had taken a ride over Brooklyn Bridge to eat at a casual burger joint and then onwards to an ice cream place for dessert. It was much more Bucky’s speed. And he liked Steve showing him cool places to eat. Lately he hadn’t had much time for exploring the city, but they’d walked for a bit with their ice creams and it had been nice. Talking to Steve was still easy—it was just the other stuff Bucky found harder.

By the time Steve took him home, Bucky still wasn’t sure how he was feeling. Steve had toned it down a little, but he’d still been so eager and attempted to hold his hand a few times, which Bucky wasn’t really that comfortable with in public. Bucky just wanted him to calm down sometimes and just let things flow, like it had when they were hanging out as friends.

“Maybe I could come in for coffee?” Steve said with those hopeful eyes again, as they found themselves back on Bucky’s front steps.

“Not tonight,” Bucky said lightly with a little smile. It was kinda cute, Steve’s attempt to invite himself in. Bucky probably should have found it rude, but Steve was so endearing, he sort of got away with it.

Steve managed to hide his disappointment fairly well this time. Bucky only saw it for a fraction of a second.

“Can I take you out again?” Steve asked, a little more subdued now.

Bucky grinned a little. “I don’t know, _can_ you?”

Steve frowned at him a little.

“Goodnight, Steve,” Bucky said, smiling shyly. He leant forward and gave Steve a quick kiss. He could tell by the way Steve’s lips tried to linger that he wanted more. It wasn’t like Bucky was trying to tease him, he just wanted to take things slow. It still felt strange for him to go from being friends to this. He gave Steve another quick kiss because he hadn’t pushed it and tried to kiss Bucky more, and then said goodnight again and turned and went into his building.

Bucky started pottering around, getting ready for bed. He was almost getting too used to being tired all the time, what with his busy job and the late nights that seemed to happen a couple of days a week.

He settled down, flicking on the TV to watch something to unwind and then frowned as his doorbell rang. Was there anything worse than having to get up again when you’d just sat down? Bucky didn’t think so. He huffed and pulled himself up and made his way over to the window to see Steve standing out there. He frowned to himself, wondering why he was back, before opening his door and going through to the main door. He opened it to find Steve cradling his hand. His hand which was covered in blood.

“Steve! What happened?” Bucky asked, already ushering him inside and reaching for his hand.

“I tripped, cut it on a broken bottle on the sidewalk,” Steve said. “Not very cool of me.”

Bucky looked at his hand with concern. It must hurt a ton. “Come on, I’ve got a first aid kit.” He led Steve inside and to the kitchen and got him to wash his hand so Bucky could see the damage. It wasn’t as bad as it had looked so Bucky got to work disinfecting it, padding it, and wrapping it. Steve watched him the whole time with a grateful look on his face.

“Thanks for this,” he told Bucky.

Bucky let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, of course. You should wait till it stops bleeding before you try to ride your bike. I’ll make coffee,” he offered.

“Thanks,” Steve said again. “You weren’t already sleeping, were you?”

Bucky looked over at him as he turned on the coffee maker. “No?”

Steve gestured to him. “I thought maybe…”

Bucky looked down. He’d forgotten he’d changed into his pyjama pants. They were threadbare green plaid and usually Bucky wouldn’t wear them in front of anyone. That was embarrassing. “Oh. No, I was just going to watch some TV before bed.”

“Sorry I interrupted,” Steve said.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, how dare you go bleeding and interrupting my TV time.”

Steve smiled, his eyes lighting up.

Bucky brought his coffee over to him where he was standing by the fridge. “Here you go,” he said, placing it on the counter.

Steve didn’t look at the coffee, he just looked at Bucky and then suddenly Steve was crowding him against the opposite counter, kissing him hard. Bucky had not been prepared at all.

“Steve...” Bucky said gently as he broke the kiss.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, frowning at him.

And wasn’t that the question. What _was_ wrong? Bucky wasn’t sure. “I just thought we were taking this slow,” Bucky told him.

Steve nodded. “Right. Sorry. You just...well, god, look at you, I can’t help myself. You’re so perfect.”

And that. _That_ was what was wrong. “Steve,” Bucky started gently. “I’m gonna say something and please don’t take it the wrong way, but all this attention? It’s sorta weird, I’m not used to it. It’s really sweet and all, but you don’t have to try so hard.”

Steve gave him a confused smile. “You’re not used to it? What kind of assholes have you dated?” he said bluntly as Bucky frowned. “I’m just trying to show you how much you mean to me.”

“And that’s nice of you, but we’re just casually dating, ya know?” Bucky replied. He really wasn’t trying to hurt Steve, but he wanted to be honest. He just couldn’t let himself dive headfirst into this thing. He always did that and it always ended badly.

Steve’s face fell. He pressed his lips together and nodded his head slightly. “Yeah, I get it.” He backed away from Bucky. “I’ll get going,” he said, already heading away from the kitchen, coffee abandoned.

Bucky followed him. “Steve, don’t be mad,” he said as Steve reached the front door.

“I’m not mad,” Steve replied with a small smile that didn’t meet his eyes. He opened the door. “I’ll uh...see you around,” he said before walking away, leaving Bucky feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet as he watched Steve go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! But it's okay, I promise. Next chapter...let's kick this up to E.
> 
> Comments make my day sparkly, thank you so much if you take the time to comment! I also love everyone who kudoses and reads this :D


	11. Every claim you stake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat teaches Steve about reverse psychology and Bucky misses Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew I put that E rating there for a reason...

Steve spent the weekend moping before he asked Nat to come over. She gave him this pitying look as he told her what had happened. He really didn’t like her pitying look.

“What happened to taking it slow?” she admonished him.

“It was too hard!” Steve complained. “You don’t get it, it’s like Bucky has some kind of weird forcefield around him that means I don’t think properly.” It was true. Bucky messed up his brain—he couldn’t seem to just act normal with him, he always ended up doing something stupid it seemed.

Nat smirked. “I think that’s called lust, Steve.” She curled her feet up under herself on Steve’s sofa, settling in some more as Steve passed her a glass of red wine.

“He’s so beautiful,” Steve sighed as he sank down on the sofa next to her. “Why does he have to be so beautiful?”

Nat sighed and placed her wine glass down on the coffee table. “Okay. What I think you need to do is back off.”

“Back off?” Steve asked in disbelief. He wanted to be with Bucky all the time.

“Play it cool. Sort of like what I told you before, but actually do it this time,” Nat explained. “Let him come to you.”

Steve frowned. “What if he doesn’t?”

“Okay, number one, have you seen you? He’d have to be crazy,” she scoffed. “And number two, you need to give him time to miss you. He seems like he’s pretty independent, moving to New York by himself and all, so maybe he needs time to himself so he can really appreciate time with you?” she suggested. “You _have_ been coming on pretty strong,” she added, wincing a little.

Steve narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you give dating advice for a living? Is that what you do for your ‘government job’?” he teased, making air quotes.

“Well, if you keep asking me, I might start charging you,” she smirked back. “But seriously. Just wait. Don’t contact him until he contacts you. Maybe even make him wait a bit.”

Steve sighed. That sounded awful. But maybe he _had_ been coming on too strong. Maybe he was scaring Bucky off. He’d just been so excited to finally get to be with him after all these months. But at this point he was willing to try anything anyway. He could _not_ mess this up. “You’re sure?” he questioned one last time.

“Yes,” Nat said firmly. “Trust me.”

 

****

 

For the next week, Bucky didn’t hear from Steve. They didn’t go running together. He didn’t even see him on the train, which was weird because he practically always saw him on the train, at least a few times in a week. At first it was kinda nice. He didn’t feel so much pressure. But as half a week turned into a week and then a week and a half, he started to really miss Steve. He was nice and sweet and Bucky seemed to have run him off by being an asshole. He missed his friend as well. He felt like he should contact Steve, but he didn’t know what to say, and the longer he left it, the harder it seemed to get.

Not having seen Steve in eleven days meant he was especially surprised when he spotted him shopping in Whole Foods. Tony had asked him to pick him up a specific donut that the catering at Stark Tower didn’t have and seeing as Tony never normally asked him to do that sort of thing, he was more than happy to do it. Bucky had just picked up a box of them when he saw Steve across from him in the fruit section. He was in work clothes, probably picking up his lunch, Bucky figured. Bucky watched as Steve’s muscled arms bulged under his shirt as he reached to pick up various fruits. He felt his mouth getting dry.

Without thinking properly, Bucky pulled out his phone and called Steve. He watched as Steve fumbled for his phone, pulling it from his pocket, and looked at the screen. He watched the little smile that appeared on Steve’s face, and god, wasn’t that nice, that him seeing Bucky was calling made him smile like that.

So he wasn’t prepared when Steve clicked a button and put his phone away and he got Steve’s voicemail. Bucky hung up the phone in shock. Steve had just completely ignored his call. And because Bucky apparently had no self-respect, he found himself walking over to Steve before he could stop himself and tapping him on the arm.

“Well that was kinda mean,” he said, as Steve looked startled to see him there.

“Bucky? What are you doing here?” Steve said, his eyes wide.

“Tony wanted donuts,” Bucky replied, holding up the box as evidence. “Why are you ignoring my calls?” he asked bluntly, feeling a little put out, even though this was his own fault and he totally deserved it.

Steve’s face got red. “I wasn’t, I just don’t really have time to talk right now. I’m just grabbing lunch and getting back to the office,” he explained.

“Oh,” Bucky replied. He guessed that made sense even if it still kinda hurt.

“Was there...did you want something?” Steve asked carefully.

Bucky looked down at his donuts. “No, just saw you there and thought it would be fun to call you and be like, surprise!” God that sounded lame.

Steve was nodding when he looked back up. “Right. Well, it’s good to see you. I better go finish shopping.”

Bucky felt disappointment flood through him. “Right, sure. Good to see you too.” And with that Steve was wandering off to another section of the store and Bucky felt like crap. Steve had really liked him and he’d fucked it up.

Bucky felt like there was a black cloud over his head. He paid for the donuts and went outside. Why had he been such a jerk to Steve? Steve was so nice and Bucky had actually found that off-putting? What the hell was wrong with him?

He knew what was wrong with him if he really let himself think about it, he realised. Steve was so nice, Bucky couldn’t trust it. He was so used to guys hurting him after they seemed so nice at the start and Steve was so damn kind that Bucky’s subconscious must have been telling him how much more it would hurt if he revealed himself to be just like the others. It all really boiled down to one fact. Bucky was scared. Scared to be hurt again, and very aware of the fact that Steve had the potential to be someone Bucky could really see himself with, someone he could let in, which meant he had even more potential to hurt him.

Bucky hated himself. He scrunched his eyes up and took a breath. He didn’t want to be like this. He didn’t want his previous shitty relationships to have this sort of control over him. He had to take a leap of faith and land wherever he landed and try and trust Steve. He was going to lose Steve if he didn’t and he’d realised he didn’t want to lose Steve.

Bucky tried to steel himself and push away the doubts and fear. He ended up waiting outside the store until Steve came out. “Steve!” he called out and Steve turned to see him there.

Steve lifted his bag. “Bucky, I’ve really got to get back...”

Bucky moved a few steps so he was in front of him. “Are you free tomorrow night?” he asked, more confidently than he felt.

Steve looked surprised. “I, umm...yeah I think so.”

“You want to come over?” Bucky offered. “I’ll cook.” And why had he said that, he was a shit cook. It sounded better than “I’ll order in”.

Steve looked hesitant for a moment. “I...yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

Bucky smiled, trying to not let his nerves show. “Cool. Seven-thirty?” He would probably be able to get home by then after work and have time to cook whatever he was now going to have to plan to cook.

Steve nodded. “Okay.”

Bucky nodded and started to step away. _Screw it_ , he thought. He stepped back in and boldly pressed his lips to Steve’s, pressing his body in close before he pulled away, leaving Steve looking dazed. It was the first time he’d ever kissed someone that blatantly out on a crowded street.

“See you tomorrow,” Bucky said with what he hoped was a confident smile, as he left Steve standing there.

 

****

 

Steve turned up right on time. Bucky had been weirdly excited waiting for him, more so than he was nervous. He guessed maybe that thing about absence making the heart grow fonder was true. It was either that or Steve was actually looking more gorgeous than ever before as Bucky invited him in.

Steve, it seemed, never turned up empty-handed, this time having brought an expensive-looking bottle of wine with him, handing it to him as Bucky tried to stop his eyes roving over Steve. Bucky especially liked the tight gray t-shirt he had on under his brown leather jacket that he was now pulling off. God, those arms were a gift to mankind, Bucky thought.

“Buck?” he heard Steve question.

Bucky tore his eyes away and up to Steve’s face. His beautiful, beautiful face. “Yeah?”

“I asked what you’re cooking,” Steve told him, a little confused smile on his face.

“Oh. I don’t know if it counts as cooking, seeing as I’m using jar sauces, but lasagne’s in the oven,” he explained. He was actually pretty proud of himself, even if he hadn’t really had to make much for it. It looked pretty good when he’d checked on it just before Steve had arrived.

“Smells amazing,” Steve replied with a smile.

Bucky was pretty sure it could have smelled like rotting garbage and Steve would still tell him that. But instead of finding that idea a little overwhelming like before, it just felt sort of sweet to him now.

“So, do I get a tour?” Steve asked.

Bucky forgot he’d only really ever been to his place briefly. He smirked as he put down the bottle of wine and lifted his arms out. “Sure. Here it is,” he joked. His living area and kitchen were adjoining and they could see the really little terrace area though the glass doors at the end of the room. “Bathroom,” Bucky said, pointing to the one other door. “Bedroom,” he continued, pointing up the exposed black metal stairs at the end of the room.

“Can I see it?” Steve asked with a little sly smile, a little bit of flirty Steve clearly coming out.

Bucky smirked back at him. “Maybe later if you’re lucky.”

Steve’s face sort of froze, like he’d expected a completely different answer. He seemed to recover quickly, though his eyes were looking a little lustful now. Bucky was pretty sure his eyes might be looking the same, because honestly, he’d missed Steve and if he was going to stop being scared and do this, then he might as well _really_ do this.

Bucky moved closer to Steve. He couldn’t seem to stop looking at Steve’s lips.

Steve apparently noticed. “Can I…can I kiss you?” Steve asked, his voice low and delicious sounding to Bucky’s ears.

Bucky stepped forward into his space, looking Steve right in the eyes, trying to make his intentions clear. “I don’t know, _can_ you?”

Steve leaned in slowly, as though giving Bucky a chance to change his mind, but Bucky was done with that. He pressed his lips to Steve’s. Steve’s hand slipped onto his neck as their lips joined and Steve let out this little moan of pleasure. Bucky deepened the kiss and wished he hadn’t been so hesitant before, because kissing Steve was so good and felt so nice.

Bucky let his hands roam over Steve’s back, enjoying the solid feel of him. Steve was by far the hottest guy he’d ever kissed. And god his lips…his lips were just perfect. Bucky got lost in the kiss, forgetting where they were, his focus narrowed down to just Steve and the tingling and arousal running through his body. He didn’t want to stop.

Bucky pulled Steve over to the sofa between kisses, before dropping down onto it, pulling Steve down next to him and then kissed him again. Steve let Bucky manhandle him, pliant as anything, just making these sweet little groans occasionally.

Steve eventually pulled back. “Bucky…” Steve moaned. “We should stop.”

Bucky pulled away so he could see Steve’s face fully and frowned. “Why?”

“Because you usually stop me anyway?” Steve replied. There was no accusation in his tone, just a little worry, like maybe he was waiting for Bucky to push him away again.

“Who says I’m stopping this time?” Bucky murmured back, pressing his lips to Steve’s neck, tasting his soft skin. It didn’t seem so weird anymore, to be kissing his friend. In fact, it was pretty fucking hot. He suddenly wanted to find all the secret places on Steve’s body that made him let out those little moany noises he’d been making.

“Are you serious?” Steve murmured.

Bucky pulled back. “Yeah I’m serious, why, do you not want to?” he asked, suddenly concerned and slightly embarrassed. He thought Steve would be enthusiastic.

Steve looked incredulous. “Oh course I want to…fuck, I’ve hardly been able to think of anything else since I first saw you,” he practically growled, his hand threading through Bucky’s hair.

That was more like it. Bucky climbed onto his lap and Steve’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god,” he muttered.

Bucky cupped Steve’s face in his hands and kissed him. He let his tongue trace across Steve’s lips, before Steve let him delve inside. God, Steve was so, so good at this. Bucky wondered if he’d be good at other things too.

Bucky moved his kisses down Steve’s neck again and the man shuddered beneath him. Fuck, Steve was such an ego boost, he seemed to delight in every touch Bucky gave him. Steve leaned his head in. After a moment, Bucky pulled away to look at him.

“Did you just smell my hair?” he said, a smile playing on his lips.

Steve looked caught out. “Umm…maybe?”

Bucky furrowed his brow, but smiled, a little bemused. “You are so cute.”

Steve’s face relaxed and he stroked a hand down Bucky’s cheek. “You smell good, what can I say?”

Bucky chuckled.

“God, you are so beautiful,” Steve continued, his thumb tracing over Bucky’s bottom lip.

Well damn. Bucky could get used to being looked at like that. He was suddenly very tired of going slow. He leant back for a moment and pulled his shirt off over his head.

Steve’s face got even more adoring. “God damn,” he muttered, his eyes all over Bucky. “That’s what was hiding under this?” he said, fingering the edge of Bucky’s shirt that he’d dropped to the side of them. “I should burn all your shirts,” he murmured.

Fucking hell, Bucky loved the compliments. All the praise was going right to his dick. No one had ever been this reverent with him before. He took Steve’s hand and placed it on his chest because Steve still seemed a little hesitant. Steve instantly started stroking his hand over Bucky, feeling his pecs and tracing down to his abs. His other hand moved to Bucky’s arm, tracing down along his tattoo.

“Take off yours,” Bucky told him, his skin feeling electric where Steve touched him.

Steve did as he was told immediately, peeling off the overly tight top he was wearing.

Bucky could have whimpered. He’d forgotten how perfect Steve’s chest was, like it was carved out of fucking marble—better than any model or porn star Bucky had ever seen. He was way too turned on. He needed to fuck or be fucked by Steve right now, and he didn’t much care which, it just had to happen _right now_.

“Take off the pants too,” he ordered.

“Take off yours,” Steve shot back, even as he undid his belt and started on his fly.

Bucky did the same, clambering off Steve and shimmying out of his jeans, leaving him in only his black boxer briefs and very clearly aroused, but he didn’t feel embarrassed or nervous now. He wanted Steve to touch him.

Steve paused in his motion to stare at him. “Fuck,” he choked out. He also got up off the sofa after kicking off his shoes and pulled off his socks and his pants. He was also in boxer briefs, but navy ones, and damn, Steve looked like he was packing. Bucky stared shamelessly at the bulge.

“So…you’ve got me, what are you gonna do with me?” Bucky teased, his voice low, his eyes still roving over Steve’s body. Damn, Steve had nice thighs too. Bucky wanted to sit on them. Or maybe have them wrapped round his waist. Or maybe straddling him.

Steve approached, gripping Bucky’s hips, pressing them together, and god damn, his bulge pressed up against Bucky’s cock and Bucky did whimper then.

Steve stared into Bucky’s eyes, his eyes almost black with pure unbridled lust. “Please,” he whispered, “please, let me….I need…I want to be inside you…”

Bucky felt himself get even harder at Steve’s words. He gripped the waistband of Steve’s boxers and pulled him along, leading him to the stairs and all the way up to the bedroom, where he slid Steve’s boxers down. Oh dear god, he was fucking huge. His cock was all reddened, the tip cut and leaking beads of pre-come and Bucky wanted it, holy shit, did he want it.

Bucky reached out and stroked across the head, smearing pre-come across the top. He loved the contrast between how soft Steve’s skin was and how rock hard he was.

“Bucky, fuck…” Steve groaned as he did.

Bucky gripped the head firmly and tugged a little, literally leading Steve by the cock to the bed. “I want this in me, right now.”

“Fuck, are you trying to make me come right this second,” Steve moaned out.

Bucky let him go and pulled out lube and condoms from his bedside table, dropping them onto the bedspread. Then he slid his own boxers down and sat back on the bed. “Fuck me,” he told Steve bluntly. His body was crying out for it now, his cock aching.

Steve was busy staring at his cock. “Oh god, I want to swallow you down so badly,” he murmured as he approached and climbed over Bucky.

“Another time. Get me ready and then get in me,” Bucky ordered, dropping back onto his elbows.

Steve stroked his hand down Bucky’s cock even so. “Fucking gorgeous. Shit, I could come just looking at you.”

Bucky moaned at the feeling of Steve’s warm hand stroking along him softly. “C’mon Steve, I’m dyin’ here.” It had been too long.

Finally Steve uncapped the lube and Bucky moaned in approval, and then Steve’s lubed finger was tracing around his hole and Bucky was shuddering. Steve teased for a moment and then carefully eased a finger in. Bucky made a choked gasp as the air seemed to leave his body.

“God, Buck, you are so tight, I can’t wait to be inside you,” Steve stuttered, eyes lidded with lust as he started to work his finger in and out slowly.

Bucky dropped his head back on the bed. “Fuck, that’s good, Steve.”

Steve worked him gently with one finger before finally adding another. Bucky shut his eyes, his mouth opening in a little soundless gasp. He felt like he was floating or something, he was that turned on.

“Do you have any idea how good you look right now, fuck…” Steve murmured reverently at him, taking his time before Bucky felt the press of another finger.

“Fuck…” Bucky breathed out, lost in the feeling of Steve’s fingers stretching him out. God, three was tight, but Steve’s cock was definitely bigger. Bucky knew he was letting out pornographic moans now and he didn’t care.

When Steve finally withdrew his fingers, Bucky was so close he thought Steve could probably get him there in one stroke. He vaguely heard a condom wrapper and a bottle click and then Steve’s blunt cock head was nudging against him and Bucky’s eyes flew open and he watched as Steve pushed, wrapping his hand around Bucky’s knee and pushing his leg up, moving slowly but not stopping until he’d sunken down into Bucky completely. Bucky let out a broken sob as Steve buried himself to the root of his cock.

“You okay?” Steve asked, voice full of concern, his eyes searching Bucky’s.

Bucky had never felt this full before. The stretch was a little painful, he had to admit. “I…can you just, just wait there a minute,” he breathed out.

Steve nodded. He pressed kisses to Bucky’s chest. “You feel so amazing,” he mumbled into Bucky’s skin. “Never felt anything like you.”

Bucky breathed heavily, letting himself relax, Steve’s compliments washing over him. He lay there letting himself adjust and enjoyed the hot kisses Steve was pressing into his skin. “Okay, okay, I’m good,” he finally said.

Steve moved his hips a little, pulling just a little way out and Bucky’s breath hitched. Steve pushed in again and kept up these little strokes that were still powerful enough to take Bucky’s breath away as Steve kept rubbing over his prostate, overstimulating it. Bucky heard himself making these little helpless noises as the feeling overtook him and Steve slid in and out of his body. On every stroke he kissed a different part of Bucky’s body, wherever he could reach. Bucky felt like he was being worshipped. His world narrowed down to just this—the feeling of Steve fucking him and the sound of Steve panting and the slick noise of skin on skin.

Steve started pulling out a little further and thrusting a little deeper and Bucky watched as the muscles of Steve’s body rippled over him. God, it felt good now and Steve looked so ridiculously hot, and shit, he was going to come already. Fuck, that was pathetic but he couldn’t stop it. He felt himself getting lightheaded and he clenched around Steve before his orgasm racked his body, his toes curling, legs stiff, and he tried to keep breathing with these little stuttering breaths coming out of him, while his cock spurted all over his stomach.

“Oh fuck, Bucky, fuck,” Steve panted as Bucky came. He paused his movements. “Do you want me to stop?”

Bucky was still all blurry and coming down. “No…fuck me…come for me…” he managed to pant out. His body felt like lead, but at the same time he felt relaxed now.

Steve didn’t need telling twice. He started moving again, a little faster this time, until he was soon panting and groaning over Bucky, thrusting hard and Bucky just lay there and took it with a whimper, wrapping a leg round Steve’s waist.

“Fuck…oh god,” Steve stuttered out as his movement became erratic and then he was stiffening and collapsing on top of Bucky and Bucky could feel himself fluttering around Steve’s cock as Steve came with a full body shudder.

What should have been a blissful moment was interrupted as Bucky abruptly realised something and pulled away from under Steve, letting out a moan as Steve’s cock slipped free, and he gingerly stumbled to get to his feet.

“Bucky?” Steve said.

He sounded so worried, Bucky froze in his panic and turned back to him. “No, no, it’s…that was amazing…it’s just the fucking lasagne’s probably burning,” he explained, before running off naked down the stairs, and okay, running was not the best idea when he was still feeling a little lightheaded.

As soon as he switched off the oven and pulled out the slightly charred lasagne, he all but ran back up the stairs though. Steve was naked, sitting up against the headboard and Bucky immediately climbed over him to settle on his lap on top of those delicious thighs, watching as Steve’s eyes went wide with happiness.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, nuzzling into Steve’s neck. He could feel Steve let out what sounded like a relived breath.

“Did you burn my dinner?” Steve asked, a smile in his voice.

“It’s maybe a little blackened,” Bucky admitted, relishing the feeling of Steve’s hands on his body, where they were slowly stroking paths along his back, as Bucky planted little kisses on his neck.

“Worth it,” Steve breathed out, shuddering beneath him.

“I’ll say,” Bucky agreed, before getting the breath knocked out of him as Steve rolled him onto his back and claimed his mouth again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It happened. It finally happened! 
> 
> Thoughts, responses, things you want to happen next...comment me up! I'd love to hear from you :)


	12. I'll be watching you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky blissing out in their honeymoon period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have ruined everything by making this too long and running out of my excellent 'every' chapter names. Balls.

Steve was ecstatic. He felt like he’d stepped into a dream because Bucky had finally, finally surrendered himself to Steve and let Steve love him. And holy hell, it had been the best moment of Steve’s life, getting to hold Bucky and explore his beautiful body and hear the moans and whimpers that Steve got out of him. He wished they could have stayed there forever.

He replayed it over and over in his head that night and for a good section of that day at work. He couldn’t believe that after all this time he finally got to be with Bucky. It was just too perfect to be real. Except it _was_ real and Steve had the bite marks to prove it. Bucky had been a lot wilder in bed than he’d imagined after he’d recovered from the first round.

Steve had to wait two whole days to be with Bucky again, when they’d promised to meet for their usual run on Saturday and Steve couldn’t wait. Hopefully he could get Bucky to come back to his place afterwards.

His phone buzzed on his desk. He expected it to be Nat. She’d already texted him to see how his date went, and while he’d told her it went very well, he refused to give her details, because he was a gentleman. She was probably texting to bug him some more.

When he picked up his phone though, his heart practically burst from joy.

 **Bucky bb:** Hey how’s your day? Thinking bout you

Steve could have practically squealed in glee. Bucky was thinking about him! He typed a reply quickly, a giant smile on his face.

 **Steve:** Better now. But I’m trying not to think about you. Leads to embarrassing things at my desk.

That was true. He was never so pleased to have his own office.

 **Bucky bb:** *eggplant emoji*

Steve chuckled at his phone.

 **Steve:** Can’t wait to see you

 **Bucky bb:** You saw me this morning on the train

 **Steve:** Doesn’t count

It didn’t count. Bucky wasn’t keen on PDA, Steve knew that now, so in the morning he’d only been able to smile and brush his hand against Bucky’s, when all he wanted to do was kiss him so much that they’d be arrested for public indecency.

 **Steve:** Though you did look exceptionally gorgeous this morning

 **Bucky bb:** That’s your *eggplant emoji* talking. Now stop thinking about me and get back to work :p

Steve shook his head, happiness blooming through him. He was so gone for this man, he actually did start focusing on his work again.

 

****

 

Why had Bucky never noticed how distracting Steve was when he was running? Like really, how was he supposed to run next to that? Steve had this light sweat going on and all his muscles were flexing and moving with each step and Bucky had dropped slightly behind him and now he could not take his eyes off of that ass.

He knew it would be a problem to go from friends with Steve to dating Steve. He just thought it would be in different ways to this…this pure distracting, hot Steve that was turning him on far too much for running.

Steve had been so fucking cute when they’d met up too. He’d seemed all nervous, like he wasn’t sure how to greet him anymore, though he’d had a massive, but still somehow shy smile on his face. Bucky had sort of melted and greeted him with a tight hug, which was the least he wanted to do, but hey, they were in public. Bucky would greet him properly later, hopefully.

Steve slowed to a stop and Bucky quickly drew his eyes up as he stopped as well. “Phew, I’m tired,” Steve groaned.

Bucky frowned as he looked at Steve. He looked completely fine and they’d only been running for half the time they usually did. “Really?” Bucky asked doubtfully.

Steve nodded and made a show of wiping the back of his hand across his face. “Yeah, think it might be a good idea to call it a day.” He looked over at Bucky. “Oh, hey,” he said, as though he’d just had a brilliant idea, “why don’t you come over for a bit, I just got this new coffee maker and I bet you’d love it.”

Bucky felt himself smirking, because Steve was saying that with a straight face, as though he really thought Bucky would believe his offer was genuinely about coffee. “Oh you do, huh? I guess I have to then, I mean, you know I can’t resist coffee.”

As soon as they arrived at Steve’s, Bucky made sure to stay out of his reach and settled down at his dining table.

As Steve approached him, he tapped the table. “Where’s my coffee then?” he tutted, because he felt like being a little shit, and especially enjoyed it when Steve paused and his eyes darkened, looking both lustful and annoyed.

He let out this breath, like he was frustrated, but flicked on the coffee maker with a determined look at Bucky and then kept glancing over at him the whole time as he made it, while Bucky did his best to look innocent.

Steve eventually came over and placed a mug down in front of him. He apparently hadn’t bothered making himself any.

Bucky picked up the coffee and blew lightly over the top, lifting his eyes to meet Steve’s as he did. Steve was leaning against the kitchen counter now, watching him, and Bucky watched with glee as his hands sort of clenched the counter when he did that.

“Could I get a spoon please, Steve?” he asked politely as he set the mug back down.

Steve’s eyes narrowed a little, but he moved away to pull open a drawer and returned with a silver teaspoon.

“And sugar?” Bucky added as Steve placed the spoon on the table.

Steve gave him this _look_ and then went to retrieve him some sugar, which he placed next to the spoon.

“Thank you.” Bucky gave him a sweet smile, and then made a show of slowly adding a little sugar and then slowly stirring his coffee with the spoon as Steve returned to leaning on the counter.

He purposefully let a tiny bit of coffee spill over the lip of the mug. “Oh, oops,” Bucky said, as though he couldn’t believe how careless he was, then ran his finger up the side of the mug to catch the drip before licking his finger, while looking directly at Steve. He turned his head away to try and hide his smirk when he noticed Steve white-knuckling it again.

He lifted the spoon out and licked that slowly too, being sure to make eye contact with Steve, before placing it down, and then finally lifted the mug in both hands and took a sip of the coffee. Then he made sure to make a loud moan. “Mmmm…that is delicious, Steve,” he said, closing his eyes as though in bliss.

When he opened them again, Steve was staring at him like his head was going to explode, which was exactly the look Bucky was going for. “Mmmm…I think I’m really going to savour this,” Bucky moaned again, taking another small sip.

He watched as Steve pushed away from the counter and moved over to him, leaning over and taking the mug from Bucky’s hands and placing it down. “I think you’ve had enough coffee,” he said darkly.

“I don’t know,” Bucky replied, putting on his best innocent smile, while internally smirking. “You were so excited about your new coffee maker…”

Steve shook his head at him. “You are so…”

Bucky didn’t get to find out what he was, because Steve practically launched himself at him, a hand wrapping round the back of his head, pulling him in for a rough kiss. Bucky smiled against Steve’s lips. God, it was fun teasing Steve. He had to crane his neck at this angle though, so he broke the kiss and pulled himself out of his chair.

“You seem a little riled up,” Bucky commented with a sly smile.

“I wonder why,” Steve said dryly, reaching for him again, but Bucky backed away teasingly. He kept stepping backwards as Steve moved forward like a predator, until he was at the bottom of the stairs.

“Gonna give me the tour?” Bucky questioned, tilting his head, moving up a step backwards, carefully. He felt like he was leading a hungry lion to its food, Steve was following him slowly, like he was on the prowl.

Bucky managed to make it all the way up, moving carefully, as Steve followed, looking just about ready to pounce, which he did the minute Bucky managed to navigate his way to what was clearly Steve’s bedroom. Steve almost growled at him before getting him in his arms and pressing him against the wall.

“Jesus Christ, Buck, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” Steve murmured at him.

Bucky tried not to smile and failed spectacularly. “I have some idea, yeah. But you deserved it.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at that. “I deserved it?”

“Yeah, for looking so hot when we were running.”

A little smile came over Steve’s face. “Speaking of which…I’m all sweaty,” Steve complained, before moving back and pulling off the stupidly tight exercise shirt he was wearing, and fuck, Bucky could not _not_ stare at that chest. He wanted to run his tongue over it and bite down on his pec. Which actually had a faint mark on it from the other night when Bucky had done exactly that.

Steve kicked off his running shoes and pulled off his shorts and socks too, leaving Bucky to just stare at him as he now stood there in just his tight boxer briefs that were leaving almost nothing to the imagination, not that Bucky had to imagine, because he’d already been up close and personal with that dick and fuck, he really, really liked that dick.

“You seem a little riled up,” Steve smirked at him, obviously noticing Bucky’s staring.

Bucky grinned back, because he really liked playing with Steve like this and having him respond in kind. He didn’t reply, but slowly peeled off his clothes, copying Steve move for move, watching Steve’s eyes as they trailed down his body and Bucky realised he’d never felt more wanted than when Steve looked at him.

“You should lie down,” he told Steve, glancing at Steve’s very large and comfy-looking bed. “You were so tired from the run after all.”

Steve gave him that look again—the look that said “you’re a menace, but you really turn me on” but he did as he was told and Bucky wasted no time clambering over him, straddling Steve’s hips and bracing his hands on his chest, before leaning in to kiss Steve’s neck.

Steve moaned beneath him, and practically turned to putty in his hands as Bucky kept up the kissing and Steve ran his hands all over him, making Bucky shiver in delight.

“Steve, can I ask you something?” Bucky murmured as he made his way down Steve’s chest.

“Mmmm…” was the only reply he got before a breathy little groan as Bucky licked over his nipple.

“Do you only top?”

“N…no,” he heard Steve stutter out as he sucked a little on the other nipple.

“So you’d let me…” Bucky trailed off, stroking his hand down Steve’s side.

Bucky was suddenly jolted as Steve grabbed his arms and hauled him up his body so he could slam their lips together in a kiss.

“You can do whatever you want with me,” Steve said, when he finally removed his tongue from Bucky’s mouth. His voice sounded so lustful, and Bucky believed what he said, but still he thought it best to really check.

“I can fuck you?” he said softly, moving back so he could see Steve’s eyes.

“Hell yes,” Steve breathed out at him, eyes shining and honest.

Bucky felt himself get harder, as if that was even possible at this point. He shimmied down Steve’s body, grabbing the waistband of his boxers and pulling them down, Steve lifting his hips to help, as he moved down the bed until he was standing on the floor and Steve was fully naked.

“God damn,” Bucky breathed out, looking at the gorgeousness that was Steve naked. And he was actually allowed to look at that. Steve wanted him to. Bucky could hardly believe it.

“Bedside table?” Bucky asked, once he could think again, and Steve nodded. Bucky moved over to it and rustled around until he found lube and condoms. He divested himself of his own boxers before he climbed back onto the bed, enjoying the way Steve’s eyes widened.

“Do you even know how hot you are, Steve?” he murmured as he uncapped the lube and spread some onto his fingers.

“Look who’s talking,” Steve retorted.

Bucky leant down and pressed some kisses to Steve’s hipbones and then trailed down until he finally left a few soft kisses on Steve’s cock and Steve’s hips jerked. He took the head of Steve’s cock into his mouth, enjoying the surprised noise that came out of Steve, and lowered his hand, teasing slowly along the way, until he was tracing over Steve’s hole. He suctioned around the head of Steve’s cock, tonguing under the head, as he gently eased a finger in and Steve jerked and groaned.

“Fuck, Bucky…” Steve moaned out as Bucky started a rhythm with both his mouth and his finger.

Bucky lost himself in it. He hadn’t topped in so long, not since his delightful college days, before he’d met his asshole ex. The fact that Steve was down for it was fucking wonderful, because Bucky liked to do both, but he was really going to enjoy this after it had been so long.

“God, Steve, look at you…” Bucky breathed out when he released Steve’s cock from his mouth, focusing on the three fingers he’d now buried in Steve. Steve was lying there panting and writhing and Bucky wanted…god, he didn’t even know what he wanted. Everything frankly. He wanted to pin Steve down and fuck him hard, and he wanted to lick every inch of that chest and mark up that beautiful delicate neck of his with his mouth…

God, Bucky was hard. “Are you ready?” he whispered to Steve, twisting his fingers a little, reaching just the right spot.

Steve made a delicious keening sound, which Bucky made sure to store away in his brain for later. “Yes,” Steve hissed out at him.

Bucky slipped his fingers free, straight away missing the feeling of Steve all tight around them, but aching to have the same feeling on his cock. He moved up Steve’s body to mouth at his neck. Steve’s hands wrapped into his hair. “You know, I’m pretty tired from that run,” Bucky teased. “Maybe you could ride me, hmm, baby? Think you could do that for me?”

He felt Steve nodding against him before he let out a whiny little “yes” as Bucky sucked a little bit on his neck like he’d been wanting to. Bucky finally moved, flopping down onto his back next to Steve, quickly grabbing a condom and rolling it on, before making use of more of the lube. He wanted this to be good for Steve.

He saw Steve watching him, his eyes heavy and staring at Bucky’s dick, before Steve moved over to straddle him. Bucky’s breath caught as Steve wrapped a hand round his cock and then straight away lined himself up and pressed against him.

“Fuck…” Bucky groaned as those tight muscles worked against him before they finally gave in and Steve sank onto him. He moved so slowly, Bucky felt every inch as heat enveloped his cock. God, he had missed this and hadn’t even realised how much. And Steve was incredible and looked like every wet dream he’d ever had, head thrown back, eyes shut as he lowered himself, his hands pushing down against Bucky’s abs.

When Steve was finally sitting flush against him, taking all of Bucky inside, his eyes finally opened and he looked at Bucky with what looked like awe. Bucky was trying very hard to focus on anything except what Steve was doing, because it was too damn good and Bucky could not come as quickly as last time, he wouldn’t. It would be too damn embarrassing.

“Bucky, you feel so fucking big, god, you feel good…” Steve moaned, because of course he wasn’t going to make this any easier for Bucky.

Then Steve started rising himself up and Bucky gripped his hips and just watched the gorgeous man impaled on his cock as he started to ride him. “God damn, Steve…” Bucky moaned as Steve slid back down and then started moving a little faster with every bounce. Bucky lifted his knees, giving Steve something to hold onto and lean back on a little as he fucked himself on Bucky’s cock.

Steve made a little whimpering noise that was an incredible contrast to the large man it came out of, before he leant forward trying to get Bucky to kiss him. Bucky pushed up onto his elbows so he could bring his head up and snaked his tongue into Steve’s mouth as Steve shuddered on him.

Steve let out another whimper and Bucky couldn’t help himself, he snapped his hips up the next time Steve lowered down and got practically a howl out of Steve. When their eyes met, Steve started moving faster and Bucky met every move with his own thrusts now, until everything was just blinding sensation and the sounds of panting and moaning and Bucky could feel sweat rolling down his neck.

“Buck, I’m gonna…” Steve cried out.

Bucky wasn’t sure how it was possible at this point, but he felt even more turned on by that. He hadn’t even touched Steve’s cock and Steve was going to come on him, untouched? Fuck, that was hot. “Yeah?” Bucky murmured. “Gonna come on my cock, squeezing round me, get so tight I can barely move?”

Steve did just that, letting out a strangled groan as he came, streaks of come landing on both their stomachs, Steve shuddering and then practically collapsing on him, as Bucky came too, Steve’s clenching round him too much for him finally. Bucky couldn’t think anything in the moment as he came hard, panting and moaning Steve’s name, but afterwards he thought it might just be the best orgasm of his life.

 

****

 

Steve lay snuggled next to Bucky. Bucky had drifted off, but Steve was too busy watching him to be able to do so himself. He was so goddamn happy. Bucky had revelled in the sex they’d had, making all these perfect noises and saying filthy things to Steve, and god, Steve had come so hard.

He felt a little sore, but he was completely content. The truth was, he’d never actually bottomed before. He’d not been with that many guys to begin with, but they’d always seemed to want him to top. But Bucky had asked, and Steve would give him anything and it had been so intimate, having Bucky be his first in that way. And Bucky had really got into it, being all confident and in control. Steve would let him do that whenever he wanted. He hoped he’d want it a lot.

Steve watched the soft rise and fall of Bucky’s chest and the way his long dark eyelashes slightly fluttered as he slept. He looked so beautiful, like this perfect angel sent just for Steve, to belong to Steve, and Steve knew in that moment that he would never let him go. Bucky was it. He was everything Steve had ever wanted and Steve felt a quiet sense of peace at knowing that.

He lay there next to Bucky, his heart full to bursting, and then Bucky blindly reached out for him in his sleep, grasping across Steve’s chest and rolling to curl inwards against him, settling his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve looked down at Bucky resting on his shoulder and felt his eyes getting wet with emotion. This was just too much. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and held him, completely overcome, before he eventually managed to fall asleep.

 

****

 

One glorious nap later, Bucky sat on the floor eating cool ranch Doritos, nestled cosily on a cushion between Steve’s legs where he sat on the sofa, while they watched _Jurassic Park_. It was one of Bucky’s favourite movies. He could watch it again and again. They’d already watched _Terminator 2_ —another one of his favourites—and two episodes of _Planet Earth II_ —because Steve hadn’t seen it yet. In between, Steve had made him both lunch and dinner and Steve was a really good cook and Bucky was pretty sure he could get used to this. It was the best day he’d had in a long time.

Steve stroked his fingers through Bucky’s hair again and he felt a little shiver go down his back. God, he loved having his hair played with like that and Steve seemed to love his hair. In fact, Bucky could feel him gathering strands up now, on the left side of his head. He kept his eyes on the screen, waiting to see what Steve was doing and then figured it out.

“Are you braiding my hair?”

Steve’s hands kept moving, gently playing with the strands of hair. “Maybe,” he murmured.

“Making me all pretty, huh?” Bucky laughed while still enjoying the sensation.

“Like you need any help with that,” Steve told him.

“Such a smooth talker,” Bucky grinned.

Bucky wasn’t sure how many braids Steve managed to put in his hair by the time he was done—all he knew was that he felt like he’d had an hour-long scalp massage and his head was all floaty feeling. He leant back into Steve’s hands where they were still gently stroking over his hair as the movie finished and Bucky bit back the urge to sing the theme music loudly like he usually would.

“Can you stay over?” Steve asked him softly, as though he was afraid the answer might be no.

Bucky let out a “hmmm” as though he really had to consider it, when really there was nothing he wanted more. “I don’t know…will you make me breakfast?”

He felt Steve move, leaning over him, before he felt soft lips on his neck and he practically shuddered into the touch. “Anything you want,” Steve murmured back.

Bucky smiled to himself, because the thing was, he was pretty sure that Steve really meant that and it was so nice to have someone dote on him for once. He thanked god that his brain had finally gotten a clue, because Steve’s sweetness wasn’t overwhelming like he’d thought—it was adorable.

Bucky pushed himself up from the floor and turned to clamber onto Steve’s lap, where he did that wide-eyed can’t believe this is happening look he liked to do when Bucky did anything physical with him. He stroked his hand through Steve’s hair. “You know, you’re really good with your hands…”

“Oh yeah?” Steve said, a little pleased smile appearing on his face.

“Yeah…so here’s what I’m thinking…we go upstairs, I get all naked again, lie down on your bed…” He paused for a moment, taking in Steve’s lustful eyes, the blue only a tiny bit visible now. “And then you give me a really, really good…massage,” he finished with a grin.

Steve let out the breath he’d apparently been holding and gave him a dark look. “You are trouble, aren’t you.”

Bucky grinned. “Am I?” he replied happily.

Steve gave him a downright sexy smile back. “You know, you think you’re teasing me, but me getting my hands all over you while you’re all naked…” he hissed out a breath, “I’m really not seeing the downside here.”

Bucky felt the grin on his face turn into a softer smile at his words. “I’m just kidding, you don’t really have to.”

“Oh, no,” Steve shook his head, his hands running up to hold Bucky’s waist. “You can’t offer me that and then change your mind. I’m going to give you the best damn massage of your life,” he promised, before leaning in to press his lips to Bucky’s.

Bucky lost himself in the kiss, in the slow glide of Steve’s lips on his, making his mouth tingle and his body respond in delight. He wrapped his arms round Steve’s neck, pulling them together more securely, their chests pressed against each other, Steve’s hands settling on the sides on his thighs, gripping him tightly.

When Steve pulled away, Bucky almost whined, except Steve abruptly stood, lifting Bucky with him, taking Bucky’s breath away, because damn, no one had picked him up like that before.

“Damn, Steve,” he whispered as he automatically locked his legs round Steve so he felt more secure, Steve’s hands gripping his ass now.

Steve just grinned at him and started carrying him towards and then up the stairs, not even looking like it was much of a strain, and it wasn’t like Bucky was exactly small, he was just not as big as Steve.

Steve proceeded to make good on his promise and gave Bucky the best massage of his life, not that he’d had that many, but damn, Steve really did have good hands, and he seemed endlessly happy to use them to relax Bucky’s body. Bucky lost concept of time and had no idea how long Steve kept going, as he massaged his entire body, including making excellent use of the body oil he was using and giving Bucky a slick handjob too, until Bucky all but passed out on the bed, completely blissed out. He remembered thinking he could get used to this too as he drifted off.

 

****

 

Steve watched Bucky sleep again for a little while, unable to help the soft smile on his face as he looked at that beautiful angel in his bed. He snapped a picture with his Polaroid camera because he just couldn’t help himself—Bucky was the most beautiful thing in the world and he looked so sweet, his face pressed against Steve’s pillow, the little braids he’d put in his hair almost all entirely fallen out, except for a few sections towards the top of each.

Steve actually felt a little concerned for himself because how was he supposed to function day to day when he knew that this view existed. It was all he wanted to look at for the rest of his life. His heart was singing with happiness and he just didn’t know what to do with himself. He got up quietly and tiptoed across the room for his sketchbook, then settled down next to Bucky again and started drawing. He knew it would never do justice to Bucky, but he wanted to capture every tiny detail of his face on paper and for once Bucky was there in the flesh, sleeping peacefully, so Steve didn’t have to rely on memory and photos alone. Bucky was his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been ill :( Comment to make me feel better maybe? I'd appreciate it. I mean I'm pretty much better now, but still :D
> 
> We return to more plotty than porny next. I'm fast catching up to the bit in my doc where it just says 'WHAT HAPPENS HERE DUMBASS?' so you know, wish me luck with that :p


	13. I've been lost without a trace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky runs into Peter. Steve and Bucky discuss their relationship.

Bucky woke feeling completely relaxed and warm. Then he realised he was warm because Steve was wrapped around him like a blanket. It was really nice. Bucky hadn’t realised how much he liked being touched until Steve, because Steve seemed to love touching him. And sure, other guys, like Peter, they liked touching him too, but not in the same way. Not in the ‘can’t actually stop myself I have to touch you somehow’ way that Steve did and not in the same tender way as Steve.

Bucky felt like more touching, so he purposefully started to move a little, ensuring he would wake Steve up, his plan working perfectly, because once Steve had opened his eyes, Bucky was on him, kissing him fully awake. It didn’t take much to get Steve riled up and then Bucky got to have some nice, lazy morning sex with Steve, which he had to admit, he might even prefer to the passionate, got to have you now kind of sex they’d had before.

After they both collapsed and recovered, Steve promised to make good on his offer to make breakfast as soon as he showered, so Bucky got to laze in bed longer, which was just fine with him. Steve kissed him again before wandering off to the bathroom, naked, so Bucky enjoyed the view again, before leaning over to Steve’s bedside table to grab a sip of water from the glass Steve had left there.

Steve’s phone beeped at the same time and Bucky saw the screen light up and he froze in shock. Steve’s lock screen was a picture of him. Him sitting on the subway, apparently oblivious to the picture being taken. He picked up the phone to take a closer look before dropping it back down.

That was weird, he thought to himself. It was weird, right? Steve had obviously really liked him from the beginning, but taking a picture like that...that took things from cute to weird, right? Or maybe it was just romantic and Bucky wasn’t used to that. He wasn’t sure.

He pulled on his boxers and waited until Steve was out the shower. As soon as he entered the room, Bucky was on his feet and held his phone up to him, screen on. “What is this?” Bucky asked him.

Steve froze. “Umm...it’s a picture of you.”

“Taken without my permission, without me knowing,” Bucky replied sternly.

Steve suddenly smiled at him. “Oh come on, it’s not like that,” he said, reaching to take the phone from Bucky. “Look how beautiful you looked that day,” he said, showing Bucky the picture. “I just had to get a shot of you. It doesn’t even do you justice though.”

“Steve,” Bucky felt his face getting hot.

Steve placed the phone down behind him on the dresser. “You’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen. I just needed any little part of you I could have,” he murmured, his hand running into Bucky’s hair.

“Steve...” Bucky moaned as the nerve endings in his head tingled.

“You know how lucky I feel every second that I get to be near you, touch you?” Steve continued, leaning to nibble a little on Bucky’s earlobe.

God, that was nice. Both the ear thing and the things Steve was saying. “Fuck me,” Bucky whimpered.

Steve chuckled. “I just got all cleaned up from the last round.”

“Don’t care,” Bucky said, running his hands along Steve’s firm waist.

“How about I suck you off?” Steve offered, his voice low, a naughty smirk on his face.

Bucky nodded, his words turning him on so fast. Steve thought he was beautiful. Who cared that he took a picture of him, it was sweet. Steve dropped down to his knees and Bucky forgot about the picture entirely.

 

****

 

The next few weeks passed by in a blissful haze. Bucky saw Steve a lot. At least a couple of times a week, if not more. They had sex a lot. _A lot_ a lot. Their Saturday runs always ended at Steve’s place now, where one of them always ended up on their back, or other various positions. Saturday was basically Steve day now for Bucky, because once he was over there, Steve was very good at not letting him leave. Not that Bucky wanted to anyway.

Steve usually came to Bucky’s place during the week, never getting mad if Bucky was running late because of work, or if he occasionally had to cancel. Steve always turned up when Bucky had time. And Steve really had calmed down. There had been no more overblown romantic gestures or flowers, which Bucky felt bad for not wanting, but he felt much more relaxed with Steve now. They still went on occasional dates, but mostly Bucky spent those times looking forward to getting to be alone with Steve again, preferably in bed.

Steve seemed to love getting Bucky to stay over with him as well, which was why Bucky was rummaging through Steve’s closet for something to wear that morning. He was really going to have to start leaving clothes there if staying the night was going to be a regular thing.

Steve was padding around behind him, getting dressed, as Bucky suddenly found a familiar item. He frowned in confusion as he picked it up.

“Is this my shirt?” Bucky asked outright, holding up the item in his hand, turning round to Steve.

Steve looked caught out. “I...umm...”

“Why do you have my shirt?” Bucky asked, confused.

“I, umm, I sort of kept it after you left it here?” Steve said, a scared look on his face. “It...it smelled like you and I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry, I know that’s super weird, please don’t freak out,” he said, voice panicked.

That was pretty weird, Bucky thought. But it was also sort of sweet. Steve really liked him. “It’s okay,” he said with a shrug. He remembered leaving the shirt there now, when Steve had let him borrow one of his after their run with Lucky.

“It is?” Steve asked, eyes widening.

“Well, it’s not like it’s my favourite shirt so it’s cool. Want me to rub myself on your pillow or something?” he joked.

Steve blinked at him like he couldn’t believe Bucky was so cool with it and then his eyes darkened. “I can think of other things I’d rather you rubbed on.”

Bucky laughed. “Oh yeah?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

Steve smiled slyly. “Yeah. Now get over here.”

 

****

 

“Barnes?” Tony said as he appeared from his office, walking over to Bucky’s desk. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”

“Umm, no, I don’t think so,” Bucky replied. Steve had a work thing so Bucky was facing a Friday night alone for the first time in a while. He was sort of looking forward to sleeping. Wanda was on vacation and work had been madness, trying to cover her work as well as his own.

“Would you want to come with me to another snooty function?” Tony asked, fiddling with a leaf on Bucky’s Peace Lily. He’d managed to keep it alive, which was a miracle considering he was _so_ not a gardener.

“Sure, I can do that,” Bucky agreed easily. The last time had been okay. He’d basically just stuck by Tony’s side the whole time and run interference when needed.

“It’s a black tie, awards thing, so you’ll have to dress up,” Tony warned him.

Bucky shrugged. “I have a special occasion suit.”

“Okay.” Tony seemed relieved. “You should be able to get all the details from Wanda’s calendar. Send yourself a car to get you,” he said with a grin, before heading to the elevator to go down for a meeting with Bruce on the fifty-third floor.

Bucky pulled up Wanda’s calendar and felt his heart sink. The event—some kind of business awards thing—was taking place at a fancy hotel in Tribeca. The same fancy hotel that Peter worked at. Bucky hadn’t really thought about him in a while, but he still didn’t want to run into him. But he couldn’t let Tony down. Peter probably wouldn’t even be working, it would be fine.

Bucky hoped he was right as Friday night rolled around and he put on his nicest suit—an all black one—hoping he wouldn’t look out of place and also hoping he could fade into the background a little.

When he arrived, he felt a lot more out of place than he had at the lunch he’d gone to with Tony. Everyone was really dressed up and Bucky could tell their outfits probably cost ten times what his had. At least Peter hadn’t been on the front desk so Bucky hoped he wasn’t around.

He met Tony in the lobby, waiting with one of his security guards, with people already trying to talk to him. Tony seemed to be doing fine, though Bucky could tell he was hamming it up when he greeted people with gusto. When they finally sat at their table, that had yet to be filled by other guests, Tony seemed to deflate.

“You okay?” Bucky asked him.

Tony looked over at him. “I just hate these things. Having to play the game and pretend like I like any of these people.”

Bucky could understand that. Tony might be in charge of Stark Industries, but he still had investors he had to keep happy. “Well you hide your distaste for them well,” Bucky joked, taking a sip of the champagne that had just been placed in front of him, not that he’d asked for any.

Tony stayed pretty quiet through dinner, only talking when someone else on their table spoke directly to him. Bucky was mostly busy being amazed by the tiny portions of pretentious food to notice too much.

Tony dragged himself up after dinner to mingle some more and Bucky made sure to stay with him, as the security guy lurked in the background. Bucky found the change in Tony incredible as he went back to being loud and vivacious when talking to people. As they moved to the next group of people, Bucky was surprised to find himself looking at Steve.

As Steve noticed him, his face changed to a confused smile. “Bucky?”

Man, Steve looked handsome all dressed up in his navy blue suit and his hair sort of slicked back. Bucky almost forgot where he was for a moment. Then he remembered and remembered that Tony only thought they were running buddies, not dating and fucking a lot. With Steve basically working for Tony on the Tokyo building, it was probably inappropriate that they were dating, Bucky thought.

“Hi, Steve,” he managed to say without too much of a pause. He figured he’d keep up the illusion that they were just friends.

Luckily, Steve went with it. “Hi, Tony,” he said, turning his attention away from Bucky. They chatted a bit about work, while Bucky mostly listened, and then excused himself to go to the bathroom, because the awards ceremony was going to start soon and that meant sitting for a long while.

As Bucky made his way down the corridor, he suddenly cursed the fact that he had a bladder, because Peter was walking along in his direction. Of course he just _had_ to be working tonight. Bucky felt an annoying little twinge as he looked at him. He looked good.

“Bucky?” he said, his eyes widening as he approached.

Bucky considered turning around, but then thought, no, who cares. He wasn’t going to be run off by some douchebag ex who never even called him. Bucky slowed to a stop, moving to the side in case anyone wanted to get past, as Peter stopped in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked. He looked nervous.

“Got a work thing,” Bucky mumbled. Why was he mumbling? _Stand up straight, damn it, Bucky_ , he yelled at himself.

“The awards dinner?” Peter questioned and Bucky just nodded back, but did manage to stop hunching over. “I…um…it’s good to see you,” Peter said.

Bucky raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Yeah?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, I mean it.” He paused for a second. “Look…I know I was an ass and I just…I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

It wasn’t what Bucky expected to hear. He stood there in silence for a moment, looking at the ground. “You…you never even called,” he said, his voice softer than he wanted it to be.

“I know.” Peter looked shamefaced when Bucky looked up. “I just…I was mad.”

“ _You_ were mad?” Bucky said, his voice dripping in disbelief. What exactly did Peter have to be mad about? Bucky wasn’t the one who cheated.

“You were always taking about that guy, Steve, and I just…I didn’t feel important anymore. I saw him put his arm around you at the bar that night and I guess…I just got annoyed and that guy kissed me and I…didn’t stop him,” Peter admitted, as Bucky stood there staring at him.

“There was nothing going on between me and Steve,” Bucky hissed out. There hadn’t been at the time. They’d just been friends. Bucky would never cheat on someone, not after having it done to him, not before that either.

“Yeah, well it didn’t seem that way when he warned me to never contact you again. He so obviously wanted to be with you,” Peter said, his voice a little harsher now, a little bitterness creeping in.

Bucky wasn’t surprised Steve had said that. He just didn’t know why Peter would listen. He wouldn’t have listened if he actually cared. Then Bucky realised he didn’t really care. It hurt, but at the same time, he had Steve now. He didn’t need to rehash the past with Peter. “This doesn’t even matter,” Bucky exhaled. “It happened, I’ve moved on, we don’t need to talk about it.” He paused for a second. There was one thing that had never really stopped hurting though. “Was I just that easy to forget though?” Bucky couldn’t help adding.

Peter looked sad and shook his head. “No…no you weren’t easy to forget. You’ll never be easy to forget,” he said, his voice softer now, his eyes meeting Bucky’s.

Bucky felt a sad smile flicker on his face. He thought there seemed to be recognition from them both that what had happened had really sucked, but maybe it was best in the long run.

“I really am sorry,” Peter said again. “You look like you’re doing well though. I’m glad.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said softly. “I’m sorry I threw out your red jacket.”

Peter’s eyes widened. “That’s where it was? Damn…” He shook his head with a little laugh. “I guess I deserve that.”

“And more,” Bucky told him, but he didn’t feel malicious anymore.

“Well, I gotta get back…” Peter said, pointing towards the lobby.

“Yeah, me too,” Bucky nodded.

“See you around,” Peter said, giving Bucky a fond but sad look.

Bucky nodded and watched as Peter walked away, before he turned and headed to the bathroom. It was so weird not hugging him, but he supposed it was always like that with exes. You went from rolling around naked together to being nothing at all. It felt surreal. But at the same time, Bucky was glad they’d run into each other. He felt like he could finally let go completely now.

 

****

 

Bucky almost jumped out of his skin when he went to exit the bathroom, only to smack directly into Steve’s very firm chest.

“Crap, you scared me,” Bucky said, as Steve looked bemused at him, before moving him back into the bathroom.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming to this,” Steve said as his hand ran up the side of Bucky’s face.

Bucky got enchanted by those blue eyes staring at him. “Was a last minute thing. I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“So, are you like Tony’s date or something?” Steve said with a little scowl.

Bucky smirked, basking in the heat of Steve’s hand on his face. “You jealous?”

“No, cause I know where you’ll be later,” Steve said with a sly smile, before leaning in and kissing Bucky firmly.

It made Bucky a little weak in the knees. “You mean at home, by myself, wrapped up in bed?” he murmured against Steve’s mouth.

“You got two of those right,” Steve murmured back, nuzzling into Bucky’s neck.

“Thought you were busy?” Bucky moaned a little.

Steve chuckled. “I just didn’t want to turn up at your place late at night like some sort of booty call. But seeing as you’re here too…” he trailed off, peppering kisses down Bucky’s jaw and damn, if he kept that up Bucky was not going to be able to control himself.

Bucky forced himself to pull away. “We can’t do this now,” he moaned at Steve as he still reached for Bucky again. “You’ll never guess who I just ran into, by the way,” he added, as Steve kissed his hair.

“Who?” he murmured.

“Peter. This is where he works.”

Steve pulled away, looking at Bucky with wide, angry eyes. “Did he talk to you? Did he upset you? What did he do?” he asked, his voice a low grumble.

Bucky huffed in amusement. Steve was always overreacting. “Nothing. We just talked. It was good actually.”

Steve frowned at him. “What did you talk about?”

Bucky shrugged. “He apologised.”

“Seriously?”

“Mmm hmm,” Bucky nodded. “He said I wasn’t easy to forget,” Bucky said, a little wistfully.

Steve ran his hands along Bucky’s arms. “Of course you’re not. You’re unforgettable.” He pulled Bucky into a hug and after a moment started humming _Unforgettable_ in his ear. Bucky laughed and pulled him in for another kiss.

Steve moaned against him. “I can’t wait to be alone with you.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky breathed out as Steve left hot kisses along his neck.

“In fact,” Steve continued, “I think we should cut out the travel time.”

“Meaning?” Bucky breathed out.

“Meaning, I’m going to book a room and see you in it as soon as this thing finishes,” Steve ordered.

Bucky couldn’t think of a single flaw in that plan.

 

****

 

When Bucky headed back into the ballroom, Steve headed for the front desk to find out if there were any rooms available. As the clerk checked, he saw Peter appear to his right and after a few moments he looked over and noticed him there. Steve saw the little double take Peter did as he realised Steve was there.

“Name for the room?” the desk clerk asked him.

Steve fixed Peter with a little smile. “Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes,” he told the clerk, loud enough for Peter to hear, knowing the clerk only needed _his_ name, but this was too good an opportunity to miss.

He watched Peter’s eyes narrow, before he shook his head in disbelief and moved away to deal with another guest. Steve smiled to himself as he paid and the clerk passed him his room key. Steve felt a thrill run through him. He’d always thought if he saw Peter again he would punch him, but this was so much better.

 

****

 

Bucky Barnes was trying to kill him. Steve was pretty certain of that because who else just fell asleep with their bare ass on display like that, making no effort to pull the bedcovers over it. Steve was getting hard again, which really wasn’t fair because Bucky was sleeping and still managing to turn him on like crazy.

They’d gone up to the room Steve had booked as soon as Bucky had said goodnight to Tony, because they were still keeping their relationship quiet from Bucky’s work, just in case it was a problem. Then Bucky had practically pounced on him and now the floor was littered with various articles of clothing from their suits and at some point, after Steve’s brain had reengaged, he’d realised Bucky had fallen asleep naked on the bed.

“Steve, stop staring at my ass,” Bucky mumbled from where he was face down in a pillow.

Ooh, not quite asleep, Steve realised. “Don’t have it all on display like that if you don’t want me to stare at it,” Steve countered, still staring.

Bucky made a scoffing noise. “You stare even when it’s covered up,” he mumbled.

Well, he wasn’t wrong. Steve _did_ pretty much stare at his ass whenever the opportunity arose, however it was presented. It looked especially good in Bucky’s tight black jeans, and also in his running shorts, though that might be because of the running, Steve mused, rather than the shorts themselves. It had also looked exceptional tonight in that black suit of Bucky’s.

“Steve, stop thinking about my ass,” Bucky grumbled as though reading Steve’s thoughts or maybe just the silence in the room.

“Why? I can’t think of anything I’d rather think about,” Steve murmured, which was amazing really, seeing as he’d been getting very familiar with that ass only twenty minutes ago.

“Come sleep,” Bucky whined at him.

Bucky had never whined at him before. Steve felt a smile growing on his face. Damn did he like this side of Bucky, all vulnerable and open with him, not hiding or putting up a front. Steve felt completely compelled to do as he said, abandoning the clothes he’d been attempting to tidy up and climbing back onto the bed.

He couldn’t resist pinching Bucky on the ass though, which got him a little yippy noise out of Bucky and attempted punch on the arm, which Steve managed to avoid.

“You’re a punk,” Bucky murmured.

Steve just smiled to himself and then Bucky shifted so he could use Steve’s arm and chest as a pillow like he liked to and everything in Steve’s world was just perfect.

 

****

 

Bucky sort of forgot what his life was like before Steve. As September rolled onwards, he realised with surprise that they’d been dating just over two months. It felt like longer. It felt like it had always been this way. Steve made him feel cared for in ways no one else had. He felt important. He _knew_ he was important to Steve. And Steve was important to him and people were starting to notice.

Wanda had started asking him why he smiled so much lately. Tony kept making inappropriate jokes about how much Bucky must be getting laid until Wanda told him off. When his mom called, she could somehow tell even over the phone that something was different. The thing that was different was Bucky was happy.

That weekend they’d gone to Art New York and Bucky had got to see another side of Steve. He’d been so passionate, looking at the different artworks and commenting on them, teaching Bucky all about them, and Bucky had even relaxed enough to let Steve hold his hand as they wandered. It had made Steve so happy that Bucky had felt a little warm glow. Steve was proud of him. He wanted to hold his hand and show him off, show people that Bucky was his, and Bucky felt the same about Steve. Sometimes he would look at him and just wonder how he got so lucky to be dating someone like Steve.

After the art show, they’d wandered round a bookstore in Soho, because Steve said it was only fair that they go somewhere Bucky would like too, even though Bucky really had enjoyed the art show. When they got back to Bucky’s place in the early evening, Steve wasted no time pulling him up the stairs to bed and Bucky thought it might just be the perfect day.

Eventually they managed to pull themselves out of bed and Bucky started fixing a quick dinner for them. Steve had long since learnt that Bucky was not a cook, but seemed perfectly happy to eat the basic things Bucky could manage, like the store bought pumpkin ravioli he was boiling for dinner.

“Bucky?”

Bucky looked over at Steve where he was sat on the sofa. “Yeah?” he said, while opening the pasta packet.

“What is this?” Steve asked. “Like, what are we?”

Bucky felt himself freeze for a moment before dropping the pasta into the water. “Umm, we’re umm...dating?” he offered. He wasn’t sure how to answer the question and it had come seemingly out of nowhere.

“Oh.” Steve’s head dropped down. He sounded sad and defeated. “Do you not think we’re maybe more than that yet?” he asked when he lifted his head again.

Bucky felt a little nervous. “More like what?” he asked tentatively.

Steve fixed his eyes on Bucky’s. “More like...maybe boyfriends?” he asked softly, voice laced with hope.

“I...is that what you want to be?” Bucky asked him.

Steve smiled disbelievingly at him. “Of course I do.”

Bucky wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like they’d been dating that long, but then again, Steve had already told him he thought he loved him. They weren’t really doing things in a conventional way. But then again, Peter had been his boyfriend and it just meant it hurt more when he screwed him over.

“Bucky, what is it?” Steve asked, obviously noticing Bucky’s internal struggle.

Bucky sighed. He leant against the counter. “It’s just usually when someone is my boyfriend, that’s when they screw me over,” he admitted, feeling embarrassed.

Steve looked at him with wide compassionate eyes and moved from the sofa until he was standing in front of Bucky. “I’m not going to do that though. You know how much I care about you,” he said, gently touching Bucky’s hair.

“But why?” Bucky asked before he could stop himself.

“What do you mean _why_?” Steve asked, looking almost horrified.

“I mean those other guys seemed to like me, but then hurt me. There must be something wrong with me, right? Otherwise one of them would have stayed.” It was something Bucky always thought in the back of his mind. He’d just never voiced it to anyone before.

Steve’s hand moved to his face, making Bucky look at him. “God, Buck, no. I told you before, there is nothing wrong with you. Those guys were idiots. I can’t even fathom how stupid they were to let you go.” He pressed his lips against Bucky’s in a soft kiss, before pulling away and gazing at him lovingly. “I promise I’m not like them. I’ve been dying to be your boyfriend. I want to shout it from the fucking rooftops that you’re mine,” he smiled. “You know how jealous people will be? That I get to be with you and they don’t?”

Bucky blushed under Steve’s gaze and from his words. “Jeez, Steve, no need to go over the top,” he mumbled, looking at his feet.

Steve kissed his forehead. “You’re so perfect. If they couldn’t see that then they are just...well, that sort of stupidity shouldn’t exist.”

Bucky laughed, meeting his eyes again. “Alright, okay. I get it. I’m awesome and they are dumb.”

Steve grinned. “That’s right.”

“And you’re maybe delusional,” Bucky continued and Steve tried to open his mouth to argue that, but Bucky kept going. “But maybe you can be my delusional boyfriend,” he finished.

Steve’s eyes lit up like a kid’s on Christmas morning. “Really?”

Bucky smiled fondly at him. “Yeah.” He snuggled himself into Steve’s arms. They were nice. He felt safe there. “Don’t fuck it up,” he mumbled into Steve.

Steve stroked his hair. “Never. Never, never, never,” he murmured.

They stayed there for a few moments before breaking apart. “Okay. How do you get to the roof here?” Steve asked.

Bucky raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Why?”

Steve had a massive grin on his face. “Well I’ve got to shout it from the rooftop, haven’t I?”

 

****

 

Steve’s life was turning out to be better than he’d ever dreamed. He got to be with Bucky and that in itself was the most amazing thing to ever happen to him, but now…now, it had gotten even more amazing because Bucky had finally accepted that they were boyfriends and now Steve felt like he had an actual claim to Bucky. No one could go near him now. He was Steve’s. Steve’s boyfriend. His to look after and protect and care for and Steve would never let anything bad happen to Bucky.

Now he got to kiss Bucky or hug him or hold him while they slept, and make love to him over and over again. It was a heady experience. Steve couldn’t quite handle that he’d gotten everything he wanted.

Nat was insanely happy for him, though of course she was claiming credit for it happening at all. Steve had to admit, without her help he didn’t know where he’d be. His friends liked to tease him about how much he loved Bucky, but he didn’t care. He wanted to tell the whole world how much he loved Bucky. Of course, Bucky hadn’t said it back to him yet, so except for that first time, Steve tried hard to not let it slip out again. He was all too aware of Bucky’s triggers now—things that might make him pull away. So Steve waited, almost sure that it was Bucky’s fear and not lack of feeling holding him back. He could wait.

 

****

 

Bucky had to admit, he’d been a little scared to be Steve’s official boyfriend. He’d liked how they were and didn’t really want things to change. Happily though, it seemed the only marked difference was that Steve had become a teeny bit possessive about Bucky. Bucky felt sort of stupid, but he found himself sort of liking it. Steve thought he was precious enough to be protective over and Bucky didn’t really mind most of the time.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it got a tiny bit grating. Like, right then, when they’d gone out to a bar with Steve’s friends and Bucky had gone to get them another drink, only to be hit on by some guy. And of course, Steve noticed and was over there just as Bucky had rejected the guy and he’d moved away.

“Who was that?” Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged. “Some guy.”

“He was hitting on you, wasn’t he?” Steve said, glaring at the guy’s back.

“Yeah,” Bucky admitted. It happened quite a lot to him, to be honest. Bucky wasn’t egotistical, at least he hoped he wasn’t, but he knew he wasn’t exactly ugly. Guys, and girls, hit on him fairly frequently when he was out at places like this.

“Well, what did you say?” Steve asked, and it was only then that Bucky picked up on his annoyed tone.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I said forget a date, let’s just go fuck in the bathroom,” he said meanly. “What do you think I said,” he scoffed at the expression on Steve’s face.

Steve’s face suddenly dropped the anger and looked a little ashamed. “I’m sorry. I just...I hate the idea of people even looking at you.”

“Yeah well, it happens sometimes. What do you wanna do, tie me up and lock me away so no one looks at me?” he scoffed.

Steve grinned. “Yes. Can we do that?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m your boyfriend, stupid. It doesn’t matter if someone else looks, I’m going home with you.”

Steve beamed at him and Bucky couldn’t help wryly smiling back. His boyfriend was so dumb and he loved it. “If you want, you can tie me up later,” Bucky offered, changing his smile to a smirk.

Steve’s eyes darkened. “Don’t tempt me, angel,” he practically growled.

This was a new thing too, Steve calling him “angel”. It started right around the time they’d become boyfriends. Bucky liked it.

“Come on,” Bucky pulled himself from his thoughts, and tugged on Steve’s arm. “Let’s get back to your friends.”

Bucky spent most of the rest of the night with Steve attached to him in some way. He didn’t really mind. It was cute. Steve finally did leave him to go to the bathroom at least, and Bucky chatted with Steve’s friends, who were hopefully becoming his friends too.

“You guys are really cute,” Nat commented to him, sipping her drink, a mischievous look in her eyes.

Bucky grinned at her. “Yeah, I think someone once told me how cute we’d look together.”

Nat smirked. “That person sounds really, really smart. You should always listen to them.”

“Who are you talking about?” Clint chipped in, sounding confused, while Nat rolled her eyes at him.

They chatted a little, catching up about Thor’s new apartment that he’d finally moved into that week, until the sounds of a commotion across the bar hit them. Bucky frowned over in that direction. “What’s going on?”

Thor looked over as well. “It’s Steve, isn’t it?” he commented as Sam craned his neck to take a look.

Sam sighed. “Of course it is,” he said, and they started walking over there.

“What’s Steve?” Bucky asked as he followed them, with Nat and Clint behind him.

“You might not know this yet, but if there’s ever a fight, it’s likely Steve is involved,” Sam told him, turning his head to look over his shoulder for a moment, as they made their way through the crowd.

Bucky frowned to himself. “Steve’s not like that.” His Steve was gentle and sweet. But then they reached him and Steve was standing there with a fist raised and there was a guy on the floor, holding his face, while a girl nearby looked scared, and the rest of the crowd looked shocked.

“What happened?” Sam asked Steve as they reached him, not using the concerned tone Bucky would have thought he would, but sounding exasperated.

Steve lowered his fist and turned to look at Sam, also noticing Bucky there. “That asshole tried to spike this woman’s drink, I saw him,” Steve practically growled.

Bucky wasn’t sure what a swoon looked like, because he was certain he’d never swooned before, but he was pretty sure that was what he was doing now.

“We should call the cops,” Sam said angrily.

Bucky pulled out his phone, but before he could do anything, the guy on the floor had launched himself up and barrelled into Steve from behind, which pushed him into Sam and Bucky, and Bucky’s phone went flying.

Steve was quick to turn and elbow the guy in the face and he went down hard, knocked unconscious, as a few of the bar’s patrons shrieked in surprise. Then Steve noticed that Bucky had gotten pushed and he was over to him in an instant.

“Are you okay, angel?” he asked, eyes full of worry, his hand on Bucky’s face.

Bucky instantly felt a little embarrassed, but also a little like his heart was bursting, because Steve cared so much about him. “I’m fine. My phone’s on the floor somewhere,” he said, looking around. “You okay?” he asked Steve as they both looked for it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

One of the bar staff came over to tell them they’d called the cops and offered the woman a cab home. Steve offered to stand guard over the guy, but he looked completely out, so they said they could handle it.

Bucky found his phone on the floor. The screen was cracked, but it still seemed to work. Not that he could really read the screen much anymore. He pocketed it. It seemed like a small casualty considering, but it still sucked.

“And with that, I think it’s time we call it a night,” Sam suggested, clapping Steve on the back.

“Sorry, Sam,” Steve said, looking a little shamefaced.

“Nah, man, I know you can’t help yourself. I would’ve done it too,” he said with an amused huff. “Plus, look how you made your boy swoon.”

Bucky felt his face get red. “I did not swoon, you asshole,” he frowned at Sam, while Steve chuckled.

“Come on, angel, let’s get out of here,” Steve said, taking his hand. “I’ll see if I can make you swoon at home,” he added with an evil grin.

Bucky screwed up his face. “I hate you.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I don't know how it got so long compared to others. Let me know what you thought?
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting :D I don't know how this has gotten so long, but we're getting there now. In theory there's around five chapters left.
> 
> Next up...Bucky discovers something about Steve...


	14. I dream at night I can only see your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finds out about something weird that Steve did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not sure what justifies a trigger warning, so just in case, this chapter has a really minor (one line, no detail) reference to the rape and death of a non-story character. But before that freaks you out, don't worry, absolutely none of the main characters are involved whatsoever.

Bucky was definitely going to have to get a new phone. He was attempting to message Steve, but through the very cracked screen he couldn’t see if he’d typed properly. He squinted at his phone in frustration. Why did they make phones so breakable?

“Barnes, what is that?” Tony questioned as he caught Bucky texting Steve.

Bucky felt his face flush as he put his phone down on the desk. “Sorry, I was just…Wanda said it was okay to use my phone occasionally during the day.”

Tony frowned and waved a hand. “Not that, of course that’s fine. I meant, what is this?” he said, picking up Bucky’s phone and waving it at him.

“Oh, I, uh, the screen got broken.”

“I can see that. It’s also like four models old and it’s not even one of mine,” Tony commented, holding the phone by the corner, like it was distasteful to him to even be touching it.

Bucky felt a little embarrassed. He couldn’t really afford the latest phone. Besides, it had worked fine until the screen incident.

“You do know you can have a free Stark phone, right?” Tony continued.

No, Bucky didn’t know that. “I can?”

“Perk of the company,” Tony said. “In fact, let me take this with me and I’ll hook you up with a new one, transfer everything over and you’ll have a brand new awesome Tony Stark designed phone by the end of the day.”

He was already moving, carrying Bucky’s phone, so Bucky guessed that it wasn’t a question. “Thank you, Tony,” he called out as Tony disappeared into his office with a wave of acknowledgement.

 

****

 

Tony appeared carrying a brand new, very shiny phone, including a very shiny phone case, just before Bucky was finished for the day. He was kind of touched that his very important boss had actually spent his own time sorting out his phone for him.

“Here you go!” Tony said with a flourish. “Brand spanking new, best tech there is. Don’t drop this one.” Tony passed him the phone. Bucky looked at it, a little in awe, because it did look super cool. He clicked it on and started playing around, noticing all his apps were still there.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t look through your browsing history or your photos,” Tony assured him as Bucky looked at the phone. “Though, did you know you had a tracking app on your phone?” he commented.

Bucky looked up at him. “I had a what?”

“Tracking app. So people can see your location? Usually parents use it for their kids. What do you use it for?”

Bucky was stunned. “I don’t. I didn’t know I had one. Does it come with the phone?” he asked stupidly.

“No, someone has to download it. You didn’t then?” Tony asked and Bucky shook his head. “That’s a little creepy, Barnes. Anyone have access to your phone?”

“No. I mean...” Steve. Steve did. He didn’t know Bucky’s passcode though, unless he’d guessed it. Steve wouldn’t put a tracker on his phone though, why would he?

“Well, think it over. Maybe change your passcode on the new one?” Tony suggested. “You’ll probably want to delete the app as well, I transferred it over.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Tony,” Bucky replied, pocketing the new phone.

Bucky headed home, thoughts swirling in his head. Had Steve done this? And if he had, why? Why would he need to know where Bucky was all day? Was he that insecure? Or was it something else?

Bucky clicked on his new phone. He called Steve as he walked from the subway to his apartment.

“Hey, you,” Steve picked up, sounding really happy as usual.

“Did you put a tracking app on my phone?” Bucky asked outright.

The one beat of silence told him all he needed to know. “No? What do you mean?” Steve said after that beat.

Bucky hung up. _Fuck_. Why the fuck would he do this? Things had been going so great and Steve had to ruin them. Fuck. His phone rang in his hand. Steve’s stupid smiling face looked up at him. He rejected the call.

 

****

 

“Fuck,” Steve whispered to himself when Bucky hung up. He tried calling him back, but Bucky didn’t pick up. “Fuck!” Steve yelled out as he got Bucky’s voicemail message. He grabbed the nearest thing next to him, which happened to be an empty mug, and threw it against the wall, where it shattered with intense force as it hit.

Steve ran his hands through his hair in a panic. He started pulling on his shoes. He had to go and see Bucky and explain. Bucky wouldn’t leave him, he couldn’t. Steve needed him. He needed him like he needed air.

He pulled on a jacket and ran from the house, trying to call Bucky again as he went.

 

****

 

By the time he’d got home, Bucky had rejected two more calls. Then his doorbell started ringing. Bucky dragged himself up from the sofa where he’d collapsed numbly only a few minutes before.

“Bucky!” he heard Steve’s voice through the door.

 _Shit_. Bucky hadn’t thought he’d just turn up. Though actually that was definitely Steve behaviour.

“Bucky!” Steve said again, loudly, thumping on the door.

Great, he was going to completely piss off Bucky’s neighbours. And how had he gotten through the main door to begin with? Maybe Bucky hadn’t closed it properly when he’d got back. He hadn’t really been thinking all that clearly. Bucky made a decision and unlocked the door and Steve all but barged in as he opened it.

“You didn’t answer your phone,” he complained, concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what people do when they don’t want to speak to someone,” Bucky replied, crossing his arms over his chest, keeping the door open as a clear sign that Steve would be leaving soon.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Steve implored him. “I’m so so sorry.”

“So you admit it at least?” Bucky replied, trying to ignore the fear in Steve’s eyes. He refused to let Steve affect him.

Steve hung his head in guilt. “Yes,” he said softly.

“How did you know my passcode?” Bucky asked outright.

Steve looked back up at him. “I don’t. You left your phone unlocked one time.”

“So you put a tracking app on it?” Bucky said incredulously. None of this made any sense.

“I...I can explain,” Steve stuttered.

He wasn’t in the mood to hear it. “I don’t want you to. Can you please get out?” Bucky requested. He looked away. Steve’s face made it hard to stay firm.

“Please, Bucky, let me—”

“No. I can’t talk to you right now. Please go,” Bucky told him, holding the door open.

“But I—”

“If you can’t respect my privacy, can you at least respect me when I ask you to go?” Bucky cut him off.

Steve slumped. It was the first time he’d ever looked small to Bucky. “Okay. I’ll go. But please, please call me so we can talk?” he almost begged as he left.

“Yeah, maybe,” Bucky muttered as he closed the door on Steve’s sad face.

 

****

 

Bucky didn’t call him. He remained strong. It was really hard. He missed Steve. Steve managed to last half a week before trying to call him. Bucky ignored the call again.

But of course, of fucking course, the next week had to be the week of the next meeting Steve had with Tony at their offices. Bucky thought about asking Wanda to handle it, but he refused to be unprofessional. He’d just have to deal with seeing Steve.

When the elevator dinged, he got up to greet Steve. He didn’t meet his eyes though.

“Hi, Mr Stark is ready for you, can I get you anything to drink?” he asked, using his most professional voice. Steve looked so good, Bucky wanted to reach out and touch him, but controlled himself.

“Umm, a coffee would be great, thank you,” Steve replied as Bucky led him to Tony’s office. God, Bucky had missed his voice too. Thank god Steve was being respectful and not trying talk to him about their relationship.

He led Steve into Tony’s office. “Anything for you, sir?”

Tony shook his head. “No thanks, Barnes,” he said as he looked up.

“I’ll be right back with your coffee,” Bucky said, feeling Steve watching him as he left.

He headed to the kitchen area and started the coffee maker. He felt like he was sort of shaking. He was so angry at Steve for ruining this. He’d fucking promised he wouldn’t hurt him and Bucky was so stupid and had believed him. The anger boiled through him, but at the same time, all he wanted was to be back in Steve’s arms. He felt like he was at war with himself.

When the coffee was ready, he carried it back over to Tony’s office. He managed to not spill any, which was an amazing feat considering he could feel his hands shaking a little. Setting it down next to Steve meant he had to lean in way too close. He could smell Steve’s familiar scent and he almost wanted to cry.

“Here you go,” he said, trying to sound calm and normal, his voice coming out a little tight.

“Thank you,” Steve said gently.

Bucky left them to it, shutting the door and heading back through to his desk.

“You okay?” Wanda asked him.

“Yeah, fine,” Bucky nodded, trying to sound upbeat. Wanda had a habit of being able to easily pick up on his emotions.

She eyed him curiously. “Okay…well I’m going to lunch now. See you later.”

Bucky loved Wanda but he was thankful to be left alone. He tried to forget Steve was right there two rooms away and got down to some work.

Tony buzzed him about thirty minutes later.

“Barnes, make a reservation for us for one at that place round the corner. You know the one with the thing?”

“Yes, sir.” Bucky did know the place with the thing. “For yourself and Mr Rogers?” he confirmed.

“And you of course. And one of my security bozos I guess. Though they don’t eat. I think they just get plugged in at night.”

Bucky sighed internally. Lunch with Steve. There was no way to get out of it, Tony hated going out to places without someone he knew with him. “I’ll get that sorted now.”

Bucky called the restaurant. It was simple to get a reservation as soon as he mentioned Tony’s name.

“Right, let’s go,” Tony said as he and Steve walked through to Bucky’s desk, a few minutes before one, just as one of the security guys, Luke, appeared.

“Ah, bozo number one, good to see you,” Tony said.

Luke nodded at him. “Sir.”

He and Tony walked side by side, leaving Bucky stuck walking next to Steve. He could feel Steve looking over at him as they stood in the elevator. And then as they walked down the street to the restaurant. Bucky hated it. It felt like Steve’s eyes were burning into him. It took everything in his power to not look over.

Once they were seated, Tony led the conversation, talking about the building they were working on with Steve. Bucky occasionally chipped in when required, but mostly sat in silence with Luke, avoiding looking at Steve who was sitting diagonally across the table from him.

“Bathroom,” Tony stood up, while they were waiting for dessert. Luke, of course, followed him and Bucky’s heart sank as he was left alone with Steve.

“So, how are you?” Steve asked gently, as soon as they were gone.

Bucky fiddled with the napkin in his lap. “Oh, you know, fine.” It was a complete lie and it came out sounding like one. He was so far away from fine, the word fine didn’t even exist to him anymore.

Steve let out an audible sigh. “Good. That’s good.” He paused. “I really wish you’d let me explain.”

Bucky finally looked up at him. “We are _not_ doing this now. I’m at work,” he said firmly. He was not going to let himself become a mess in front of his boss.

“But you...you didn’t call,” Steve replied, and fuck, it almost looked like there were tears in his eyes.

Bucky couldn’t stand looking at those eyes anymore. “Yeah, I know.” The truth was, Bucky still hadn’t decided if he was going to. “I’m not ready to talk yet.”

Steve nodded at him forlornly. “Okay,” he said sadly. “I understand.”

Bucky hated the look on his face. His stupid mouth opened before he could stop himself. “Just give me some time.”

Steve nodded at him again. “Whatever you need.”

Their desserts arrived as Tony and Luke returned. Bucky tried to focus on his food instead of Steve, but the sinful chocolate mousse he’d ordered tasted like ash in his mouth.

Bucky thanked god when they were finally done. Steve shook their hands as he said goodbye and thanked Tony for lunch. It didn’t escape Bucky’s notice how his hand lingered a tiny bit too long or how his finger stroked across Bucky’s wrist. It didn’t escape Bucky’s notice how just that one touch made his heart ache.

 

****

 

Bucky felt like a fucking wreck. It had been another week since he’d seen Steve and he felt like he was going out of his mind. When the hell had Steve gotten under his skin like this?

He knew he should forget about him, but somehow he couldn’t. He just wanted Steve back. The anger had finally made its way out of him and now he was just left with this empty rotting feeling. He’d spent the last couple of days listening to way too much Elliott Smith, getting himself into an even deeper funk. He couldn’t take this anymore. He decided he was finally ready to listen.

Bucky sat down on his sofa and pulled up his phone contacts, looking at Steve’s picture for a minute before finally pressing to call him.

Steve picked up almost instantly. “Bucky? Are you okay?”

“I...I’m ready to listen,” Bucky said softly, as stupid happiness bloomed in him at hearing Steve’s voice.

Steve didn’t say anything for a moment. “…Can I come over?” he asked, sounding a little choked up.

“Yeah, I’m home now,” Bucky replied, his heart doing a stupid tugging thing.

“Okay, I’ll be right over,” Steve told him before hanging up.

Bucky leant back into the sofa. He didn’t know how this was going to go. He was probably just kidding himself that there could ever be an acceptable reason for what Steve had done, but he wanted so badly for there to be one.

He tidied the living room as he waited, trying to focus on his hands instead of what was going on in his head. Half an hour later, his doorbell rang. Bucky took a deep breath and then went to buzz Steve in and open the door.

“Hey,” he said as his heart raced at seeing Steve there. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, maybe longer. He certainly hadn’t shaved in that long.

“Hi,” Steve breathed. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, realising he was blocking the door. He moved away and went to the living room, Steve following, shutting the door behind him.

Bucky sat on the sofa. Steve looked tentative and then sat near the opposite end, giving Bucky space.

“How are you?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky looked over at Steve and the big sad eyes staring back at him. “I miss you,” he said. God, why...why did he have to say that?

He could see the hope soaring through Steve as his eyes widened. “Oh Buck, I miss you too.”

Bucky tried to not let himself be affected. “Okay, so talk. Tell me why?” he said firmly.

Steve sighed and nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. He took a moment to get started. “I...I had a best friend. More like a sister really, we were that close. We grew up together.”

Bucky wondered where he was going with this and what it had to do with anything but didn’t interrupt.

“When she was eighteen, she was killed,” Steve said, his voice cracking.

“Steve...” Bucky breathed out in horror.

“She was away at college in Pennsylvania and she’d been at a party and these guys, they took her out in a car. They’d put something in her drink, that’s what the toxicology report said, so I guess it was easy for them to get her into the car.” He paused for a second. “They fucking raped her at the side of the road and then left her there,” he choked out.

Bucky felt tears in his eyes as he saw a tear roll down Steve’s cheek.

“They...they didn’t find her for three days. She froze to death out there, left in the undergrowth at the side of the road.”

Bucky couldn’t even reply for a moment. It was so horrific, he felt sick. “God, Steve, I’m so, so sorry,” Bucky said, reaching for him, but Steve pulled back, wiping a hand across his face.

“Ever since, I just…I’ve had this need to know where the people who are important to me are. It drives everyone fucking crazy and I’ve lost more than one relationship because of it, but I just feel like if I don’t know where they are, then how can I help them if something bad happens?” Steve explained, and Bucky could hear the anxiety in his voice.

“And when I met you, I was trying so hard to not mess it up, I didn’t want you to know how messed up I am because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, Bucky,” he said earnestly, looking into Bucky’s eyes. “I didn’t want to lose you and I knew I would if I kept asking where you were.”

He took a breath and looked down for a moment, looking shamefaced, before looking back at Bucky. “And then one day you left your phone unlocked and I don’t know what came over me, it just seemed like such a good idea, but I swear I never used it to find out where you were or anything, it was just...it gave me peace of mind knowing that if you were in trouble that I could find you,” Steve rushed out, staring sadly at Bucky.

He looked down again. “I know I don’t deserve you, Bucky,” Steve said, another tear escaping, “but I just love you so much, I can’t stand the idea of anything happening to you.”

It was a lot to take in. Bucky moved closer and leant in and wrapped his arms around Steve. Steve let him this time and gripped him tightly and shuddered under his touch. “I wish you would have told me this at the start,” Bucky said softly.

Steve chuckled sadly on his shoulder. “You already were iffy about dating me, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if I told you about this.”

Bucky pulled back and ran his hand down Steve’s face, wiping the wetness there. “Yes, I would have,” he whispered. He couldn’t believe the tragedy Steve had been through. It was bound to make someone a bit irrational. “Have you talked to anyone about this?” he asked gently.

Steve nodded slowly. “Yeah, I went to therapy for a while. I try, you know, but sometimes I let the anxiety get the best of me,” Steve said, pulling away to wipe his own face and then dropping his hands into his lap. “I’m so, so sorry, I really am,” he told Bucky. “I guess I should go,” he said, getting to his feet.

Bucky followed. “Go?” he said, grabbing Steve’s arm.

“Well yeah. I’m really grateful you let me tell you, but you don’t need to say it. I know you don’t want to be with a mess like me,” he said, with a sad little laugh.

Bucky shook his head, gripping Steve’s arm. “Maybe I do. Maybe I love you too, did you ever think of that?”

Steve’s eyes widened in shock. “No...” he stuttered after a moment, “...no, I never did think of that.”

“Well I do,” Bucky told him, only just realising it himself and like, when had that happened? He’d been enjoying being with Steve and having a super hot boyfriend who was so very into him, but he’d not noticed before that his feelings had grown deeper. But they had. Bucky loved this man, even despite what he’d just found out. He loved him.

“You’re not going anywhere, alright?” Bucky told him. “We’ve got some stuff to talk about, sure, but we’re gonna work it out together, okay?”

Steve looked at Bucky like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Okay,” he said softly.

Bucky pulled Steve into another hug. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured into Steve’s chest.

Steve squeezed him tightly. “I love you, Buck. So, so much.”

Bucky lifted his head and kissed Steve. His lips tasted like salt and Bucky was suddenly terrified. Terrified of being without this man who’d somehow chipped away to get to Bucky’s heart, discovered the mangled mess there, and delicately started healing it with every word and every touch he’d bestowed on Bucky.

Steve’s hand was entwined in his hair and Bucky pulled him closer, as close as he could get, until he wasn’t sure if they were still separate people and that was fine with him, because somewhere along the way, while healing him, Steve had implanted himself in Bucky’s heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just like toying with your emotions. This isn't even the angst part yet. Prepare for all the angst in the next chapter and beyond. We all know there is (at least) one thing Bucky still doesn't know about...
> 
> I've had a crappy, stressful day and doing this is the only thing I've enjoyed lately, so once again giant hugs and thanks to everyone reading, kudosing and commenting. It brightens up my whole week when I get new comments :D I'd love to hear from you :)


	15. It's you I can't replace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky revisits his past and rethinks his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I interest you in some emotional whiplash?...

Things were going better lately. After Steve had opened up to him, Bucky felt like he could understand Steve more. He made little adjustments to help Steve feel more secure, like making sure to text Steve if he was going anywhere on the spur of the moment or working late, just so he’d know. He found he really didn’t mind doing it. It didn’t bother him, having Steve know where he was, and if it gave Steve peace of mind, Bucky was happy to do it. It wasn’t like he went many places anyway.

Steve had also decided that he would try talking to a therapist again, so he was currently exploring options in the city. Bucky was proud of him for that. He hoped it would help once he found the right person to talk to. Steve had said he hadn’t felt like his last one had been a good fit and maybe that was why it hadn’t helped that much. Bucky hoped he’d find someone good to help him. He hated knowing now how anxious Steve could feel. He just wanted Steve happy.

Bucky felt like they were going to be okay though. He felt okay. He and Steve were good again, they hung out with Steve’s friends sometimes, and work was going well too. He’d even started to plot out a potential story for the novel he’d always wanted to try writing.

Steve had also been ridiculously attentive lately. Bucky knew it was because of their fight and he kept reassuring Steve that they were okay, but Steve just told him he wanted to do nice things for him. Bucky kept being surprised with romantic home-cooked dinners at Steve’s or awesome massages.

So Bucky wasn’t all that surprised when, right near the end of the day, security called up to him to say he had a visitor, but he didn’t want to give his name so it could be a surprise. Bucky smiled to himself. Steve was such a dork.

“Could you tell him I’ll be down in about fifteen minutes?” Bucky requested. He needed to finish up booking catering for a meeting. He wondered if Steve was going to take him someplace nice for dinner or something. It made Bucky think of things he could do for Steve when they hopefully went back to his place later.

He waved at Wanda when he was done. “Have a good night,” he smiled.

“Not as good as yours maybe?” she said, clearly amused at the big smile on his face.

Still, he couldn’t stop smiling to himself as he took the elevator down. When he got to the lobby, he looked around for Steve, but didn’t see him nearby so he headed to the seating area near the entrance and then his heart dropped to his stomach.

“Hey.”

Bucky froze. This wasn’t happening. This was not happening. His ex-best friend was standing there, right in front of him. He hadn’t seen him or talked to him in over a year.

“Surprise,” Wade said, an awkward half-smile on his face.

It took Bucky a moment to speak. “What are you doing here?” he asked finally, keeping his voice low.

“I came to see you, obviously,” Wade replied.

“Uh, maybe it escaped your notice, but we don’t speak anymore,” Bucky stated, his brain finally processing the situation.

“I know,” Wade said, with a small shrug. “I’m sorta here to maybe change that.”

Bucky would have laughed in his face if they weren’t in the lobby of his workplace. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening,” he said, his feet finally working, as he walked past Wade towards the doors.

Wade followed after him. “C’mon, just give me five minutes.”

Bucky got outside and kept walking with Wade trailing after him. “How did you even find me?”

“I googled you. Says you work here,” Wade said as he caught up and managed to dodge in front of Bucky, making him screech to a halt. “Please, just…let’s talk.”

“Fine,” Bucky said, stepping to the side, just off the street into the outside area of an office building, so he wasn’t in anyone’s way.

“Here?” Wade frowned. “I thought we could get a drink or something?”

Bucky let out an incredulous little huff. “Yeah, that’s not happening. Now just tell me what the fuck you want so I can go home.”

“Look, I know everything that went down really sucked, but I just…I wish we were still buds, you know?” Wade said. “We were like best friends.”

“Wow, and it took you over a year to figure that out?” Bucky replied sarcastically. Why was he even doing this to himself? He should have ignored him entirely and gone home. He just couldn’t help being a little curious.

Wade looked awkward. “I…yeah…” He paused. “Me and Brock kinda broke up.”

Bucky felt a little internal flinch at that name and then a surge of disgust. He couldn’t help the bitter laugh that came out of him. “Oh right, so now he’s gone, that’s why you came to see me, cause you suddenly need a friend?” he spat out. “Well, guess what, Wade? Fuck that and fuck you. We aren’t friends and we’re never going to be again. I’m real sorry that my ex-boyfriend that cheated on me with you broke up with you.” He shook his head in disgust. “Did you honestly think I’d care?”

Wade gave him this nonchalant look. “I sort of thought maybe you’d be over it by now.”

That gave Bucky pause. He _was_ over it. He had Steve now and he clearly dodged a bullet with Brock. He was definitely over it. He was. “I am,” he replied, but it came out wrong. It wasn’t as forceful as he was going for.

“Then why can’t we be cool?” Wade asked.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him. “I can be over it and still think you’re a piece of shit that I don’t want to talk to. I don’t forgive you for it.”

“Fuck, alright,” Wade sighed heavily. “I forgot what a drama queen you are. Brock always thought so,” he added offhand.

 _Stop being a drama queen, James, Jesus Christ!_ Bucky heard Brock’s voice in his head, clear as day. He felt himself shudder a little. “Just go away,” he told Wade, his anger waning as memories started flooding his head.

Wade raised his hands. “Yeah, whatever, I’m going if this is how you’re gonna be.” He sighed again and threw Bucky a disgruntled look. “Sorry I even tried.”

Bucky stood there and watched as he walked away. When he was finally out of sight, Bucky let out a breath. He felt like he’d just been hit in the face multiple times. He felt battered. He didn’t know what to do, so he started walking.

Eventually his feet carried him into Central Park. He climbed up onto the rocks overlooking the Pond and sat there. It was like he’d been transported back to himself two years ago. Brock’s words were filling his head. His stomach clenched. He felt sick. He sat there for a little while, fighting back tears, keeping his head down so other people didn’t notice.

Eventually he realised he didn’t want to do this. He wasn’t alone now. He fumbled for his phone and called Steve.

“Hey angel,” Steve’s happy voice answered.

“Steve?” Bucky said, knowing his stupid voice sounded all choked up, but not being able to help it right then. “Can you come and get me?”

“Are you okay?” Steve’s voice instantly sounded worried.

“Yeah, I’m just…I’m in Central Park, near the Pond, can you come?” Bucky asked.

“Of course, baby, I’m heading there right now,” Steve replied. “I’m just leaving the office, I’ll be fifteen minutes tops.”

Bucky expected him to say goodbye and hang up, but he didn’t.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked over the background noise Bucky could hear down the phone.

Bucky sniffed a little, feeling so pathetic. “Wade,” he croaked out, “my ex-friend, he came to my office.”

Steve took a second to reply. “Okay. Okay, is he there now?” he asked gently.

“No,” Bucky sniffed again. “I told him to fuck off. But he said some shit, and he just…he got in my head and I…”

“Angel, it’s okay, I’ll be there really soon. Just wait there for me, okay.”

“Okay,” Bucky nodded, even though Steve couldn’t see him.

“So guess what?” Steve said down the phone and Bucky could hear he was out on the street now. “Clint needs me to watch Lucky this weekend, so I figured you could stay over and help with that?”

Bucky broke into a small smile. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“I’ll even let him sleep in the bed with us if you want?” Steve offered.

Bucky let out a breath. He knew Steve was trying to distract him and it was working.

Steve kept up the small talk about Lucky and Clint the whole way until he reached the park. “Okay, I’m here, where are you?”

“I’m on the rocks,” Bucky said, and then he saw Steve below, turning and looking up at him and he raised his hand in a little wave and then watched as Steve jogged over to the path that led up to the rocks.

Bucky felt kind of stupid now Steve had helped him calm down, especially as Steve approached with what could only be called a panicked look on his face.

Steve dropped down to a crouch in front of Bucky and put a hand on his face, his eyes searching. “You okay, angel?”

Bucky nodded and Steve wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in close, squeezing tightly. Bucky blinked back a couple of tears, because he was so grateful to have Steve there, and just to know he could rely on Steve like that…it meant everything.

When he pulled away, Steve sat next to him and put an arm round his waist. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?” he asked gently.

Bucky looked at his feet. “Him and Brock, my ex, they broke up. And he figured that meant we could be friends again, just like that, like nothing even happened.”

“But you told him no?”

“Yeah, I told him he was crazy if he thought that was going to happen. But then…”

“Then what?” Steve pushed gently, lowering his head to get Bucky to meet his eyes.

Bucky did, but shrugged. “He just, he said some stuff. It upset me.”

“Can you tell me what stuff?” Steve pressed.

“No,” Bucky said, with a little sniff. “It’s stupid, I’m just making big deal over nothing.” He turned his face away.

Steve took his hand and held it tight. “Angel, if it upset you then it’s not nothing. You can tell me anything, I’m not gonna judge,” he promised.

“It’s dumb,” Bucky said again. “It’s just…” He’d never talked about this with anyone before. But he wanted to with Steve. He just didn’t want Steve to think he was a drama queen too. “It’s just Brock wasn’t very nice to me for the last couple of years. I mean, I’m too sensitive about it, I know I am, but some stuff he said really got to me sometimes.” He glanced over at Steve.

“What sort of stuff?” Steve asked, still gentle, but there was an edge to his voice now.

Bucky let out a breath. “Just little things. He always said I was being overdramatic when I’d get upset at him. Or like he’d always tell me I was doing something wrong. Even if it was just chopping vegetables, I was always doing it wrong somehow. Or if I spent time visiting my parents, then I was seeing them too much and should grow up, but then if I was home I was always crowding him.” He took a breath. It seemed like now he’d gotten started it was finally pouring out of him. Steve just listened to him quietly. “Or he’d call me names sometimes, but he’d say them in this weird way, like it was supposed to be affectionate, except he was calling me stupid and stuff. And nothing was ever his fault. If something went wrong it was always my fault, even if it was his. He’d always turn it around and say I made him do it.”

Bucky paused and looked at Steve again. “And I know you’re thinking, why didn’t I just leave, it’s my own fault for staying, but when he wanted to be, he could be really sweet, like he was in the beginning, and I just kept thinking, if I do better then he’ll be happy. It was my fault for not being good enough.” He finally stopped and let out a breath. It felt really good to say it all out loud.

Steve shook his head. “That’s…” He let out a breath too. “Thank you for telling me.” He took Bucky’s other hand in his as well and looked him straight in the eye. “I need you to really listen, okay?”

Bucky nodded, waiting. He didn’t think Steve would call him dramatic, but he didn’t know what he was going to say.

“Everything that asshole said to you is complete and total utter bullshit, okay? He’s a classic narcissist. He was trying to make himself feel better by keeping you down. The things he said to you, none of that is true. You’re smart and beautiful and perfect and what he did was emotional abuse,” he said softly, moving one hand to Bucky’s cheek.

Bucky felt a tear fall. “I know,” he whispered. “Deep down, I know that. But it was over two years of that and it just…it got really buried in me, and I remember all of them, all the things he said, and Wade said I was a drama queen and it just…it brought it all back.”

Steve leant in and kissed him softly on the forehead. “Angel, you’ve got to try and not let him get to you. I know it’s hard, but you can’t let him still bring you down like this.”

Bucky nodded, his fingers now clutching onto Steve’s. “It’s why I was scared,” he said softly. “Of being with you.”

Steve looked worried. “Why baby?”

Bucky swallowed. “I just…I guess at first I was waiting for you to change. You’re so kind and I just…I couldn’t trust it at first. And then some part of me was waiting for you to realise that I’m not good enough for you,” he admitted.

Steve looked horrified now. “Angel, you’re everything to me. Everything. You’re the goddamn light of my life. No one in existence will ever be good enough for you. But I thank god everyday that I get to try.”

“Steve,” Bucky barely got out, his voice was so choked up now. He put his hands on Steve’s face and pulled him into a kiss. “I love you,” he whispered against his lips. “So, so much.”

“I love you more than anything in this world,” Steve replied, brushing away the stray tear on Bucky’s cheek.

He pulled Bucky into another hug and held him, as Bucky’s breathing levelled out. Bucky felt safe with Steve. He pulled back finally and met Steve’s eyes. “Take me home?”

 

****

 

It took everything Steve had to not find Wade and then Brock and kill them both. When Bucky had called him, in that awful sad tone—a tone Steve never wanted to hear again—Steve had been so worried about him. But then Bucky had opened up to him, and Steve both loved and hated that, because he loved knowing that Bucky felt like he could talk to him, but he hated the hurt Bucky had gone through. But it did feel like everything between them was deeper now somehow. He’d opened up to Bucky about his past before, and Bucky had now done the same. And it made so much sense now.

Now he could understand where Bucky’s fears came from. Now he knew what he’d been through with Brock and he understood now, that Bucky had been waiting for the same to happen with him—for the sweetness to go away and for something ugly to take its place. But Steve was never going to let that happen. He would make Bucky feel special and loved every day for the rest of his life if Bucky would let him. Probably even if he wouldn’t.

He knew they hadn’t been together that long, not really, but Steve often found himself daydreaming about the future. It just felt even more now that they were meant to be. He wanted forever with Bucky. It was all he wanted.

 

****

 

It took a little while for Bucky to feel better and forget about Wade’s visit. Somehow though, he was almost glad it had happened. He felt better now that Steve knew, and opening up about it had somehow helped him to feel lighter. He felt less like he was dragging the past around with him and more like he was looking to the future. A future he very much hoped Steve would be in.

Steve had been absolutely incredible to him, both that day and in the few weeks that had followed. He’d reassured him and made him feel so cherished and loved, Bucky had never felt like that before. He felt like maybe this was it, maybe he and Steve would stay this way. It was an amazing but also scary thought so early on in their relationship, so Bucky tried not to look to the future too much. Staying in the moment was better, he could deal with the future when he got there.

Bucky smiled to himself as he settled back against the pillows on Steve’s bed. He’d been spending a lot of time over at Steve’s place lately. They’d just had some pretty incredible sex where Steve had pinned him against the wall, and Bucky had marvelled at Steve’s strength. Steve was in the shower now, but Bucky was sort of missing him already and was pretty sure he could convince him to get all dirty again. He rolled over and reached into the bedside drawer, not wanting to get up properly while he looked for supplies, pulling out a bunch of stuff as he did.

He dumped the stuff on the bed, but before he could get what he was looking for, his eye fell upon something.

It was a picture. A picture of him. He lifted it up. He was outside his apartment and obviously had no idea someone was taking a picture. He was wearing his black cap that he hadn’t worn in months because there was a loose thread hanging down and Bucky kept forgetting to cut it so he just picked another hat when he reached for that one now.

He hadn’t worn it in months, which meant the picture was taken right around when he and Steve met. Steve took this. Of him just leaving his apartment. It was almost definitely before Steve even knew where Bucky’s apartment was.

Bucky felt a sense of dread trickle through him, like pure ice filling his veins. He started to connect the dots. The thing with the subway picture and the way Steve always seemed to be around in the beginning and the possessiveness…Bucky abruptly realised that all the things about Steve that he’d been able to brush off...they weren’t things he should have ignored. Steve had an obsession with him. Since the beginning. It was so clear now, he didn’t know how he’d not seen it before.

His heart ached as he realised. It hurt more than anything had ever hurt him, to suddenly feel like everything about their relationship was a lie. Steve was supposed to love him, but obsession and love were not the same thing. Bucky had once again fallen for someone who didn’t love him back. He tried to push the thoughts away in a panic. His focus should be on the fact that Steve was in the shower and would be coming back any minute. He couldn’t be there. He couldn’t look at him.

Bucky took a few moments to try and push down the hurt rising up in him. He felt like he might be sick. Then he pulled on his clothes hastily and gathered up his things. Just as he heard the shower turning off, he headed down the stairs and was out the front door before Steve returned.

It didn’t take long for Steve to call him. Bucky didn’t pick up. He called again and again. Bucky turned off his phone.

 

****

 

“Bucky?” Steve looked round his empty room. Bucky wasn’t there. He approached the bed where the bedside table drawer was open and then saw the photo lying on the bedcovers.

His heart sunk. He’d fucked up. He’d only ever printed a few of his favourite Bucky photos and he kept them in his desk drawer, but he’d taken this one out the other day and ended up in bed with it, because Bucky looked so gorgeous in it and then he’d dropped it into the drawer, forgetting to put it away.

Bucky wasn’t going to take this well. Hadn’t. He’d obviously found it and ran the fuck out of there.

Steve picked up his phone and tried calling. Bucky didn’t pick up. After a few tries it didn’t even connect, just went to voicemail.

Steve tried to stay calm. It was just one photo. He could explain that away just like the one Bucky had seen on his phone.

He pulled on some clothes. He’d go over to Bucky’s and explain and it would be fine. Bucky forgave him last time. This time would be no different.

 

****

 

Bucky sat still on his sofa, his mind whirring, his knees tucked up against his chest. He didn’t know what to do. He felt frozen until he was suddenly jolted by banging on his door. He didn’t need to hear Steve yelling his name to know it was him.

He got up and approached the door slowly so he didn’t make any noise.

“Bucky, come on, I know you’re there. Just open up so we can talk about this,” Steve’s voice said loudly through the door.

Bucky reached the door and sank down next to it, his back to the wall. He wanted to open the door so badly but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t trust Steve anymore.

“Bucky!” Steve yelled again, resuming his banging.

Bucky heard a door opening.

“I don’t think he’s home and you’re being awfully loud,” a voice said. Must have been one of his neighbours. One of them must have let Steve into the building.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky heard Steve replying, “but I really need to see my boyfriend and could you please mind your own business.”

Well shit. Bucky was not going to be popular with his neighbours. But still he couldn’t bring himself to open the door.

He heard a door slam. Obviously his neighbour had given in and gone back inside. He couldn’t imagine any of them wanting to argue with the pure muscle that was Steve.

“Bucky,” Steve said again. His voice was softer this time. “Please, please just talk to me.”

He sounded sad now, Bucky thought. Bucky sniffed. He felt a tear roll down his cheek before he realised he was crying and forced himself to blink back his tears.

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I know what you’re thinking but it’s not what it looks like. I was just walking past one time and I saw you there and I just took a picture. I couldn’t help it. I was already in love with you.”

Bucky shuddered and tried to block out the love part. Steve sounded nuts. That wasn’t a normal thing to do. Bucky was sure that wasn’t the only picture. He’d managed to fool him once about the picture on the train. And this one…Steve would have had to go out of his way to take it.

“Come on, Bucky. We love each other. Just open the door so we can talk about this,” Steve implored him.

Bucky stayed strong. Or as strong as he could. He stayed there on the floor. Steve kept talking like he knew he was there. It took over half an hour before Steve finally stopped. Bucky didn’t hear him leaving until almost an hour had passed. He finally chanced a look out the peephole and Steve was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so confession, I've only seen the first 20 minutes of Deadpool, so Wade is really a character in name only, I ain't got no clue how he's supposed to be.
> 
> I'm sorry for messing with you guys like this, except not really :p The next chapter is probably the one you've been waiting for. 
> 
> Your comments make me nuts like Steve :) I love them and I get so excited to get them, thank you! Ya'll have been cheering me up after the most stressful week, which thankfully should be better after tomorrow. Shout out to some lovely people who sent me messages on tumblr too, so nice of you! :)


	16. I long for your embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky deals with losing Steve.

Bucky decided to take an earlier train to work. An hour earlier. It wasn’t like he’d slept much anyway. He figured that way he wouldn’t run into Steve. It would have been a reasonable assumption except as soon as he left his building, Steve was right there waiting at the bottom of the steps.

“Bucky,” he breathed out when he saw him.

Bucky didn’t know what to do. He had to go to work though, so running back into his house wasn’t really an option as much as it was what his instincts were saying to do. So instead he kept walking. Maybe he could just pretend that Steve wasn’t there.

He strode past Steve. Steve tried to reach out for him but Bucky luckily moved too fast.

“Bucky,” Steve said again and Bucky knew he was following him down the street. “Please just talk to me,” Steve said and he sounded heartbroken and god, that hurt Bucky even more.

“No,” he said quietly, still striding forward.

“Buck...” Steve reached out and managed to grab his arm this time, bringing Bucky to a lurching stop.

Bucky didn’t look at him. Couldn’t. “Please let go of me,” he said softly, looking at the hand on his arm.

To his surprise, Steve let go immediately. Bucky started walking again. Steve continued trying to talk to him. Bucky tried hard to not let himself hear anything Steve had to say. When they reached the subway entrance, Bucky had had enough. He flagged down a cab instead.

Steve stood there practically begging him while Bucky waited for a cab to stop before he got in and shut the door on Steve.

 

****

 

He’d been right about Bucky leaving early. Almost an hour early in fact. Steve had got there to wait from six-thirty that morning. He didn’t care if it was crazy. He needed to see Bucky and he didn’t know what else to do.

He had tried to talk to him but Bucky had kept walking. In his panic he’d taken hold of Bucky’s arm, but let go as soon as he realised. He flashed back to that asshole Peter doing the same thing and Steve didn’t want to be like that. He’d never hurt him. He just needed Bucky to forgive him so they could move on.

But Bucky didn’t even want to hear from him. He ignored Steve’s request to talk. Steve felt like they’d gone backwards again and he just needed to get Bucky to understand. He couldn’t help how much he loved him.

 

****

 

Work was awful. Bucky could barely concentrate. Even Tony asked if he was okay. He pretended everything was fine. What was he supposed to say? _Oh, I think my boyfriend is actually a little bit stalkerish?_

He left the office and made his way home at about six-thirty. He stayed near the doors on the train, but Steve never appeared, thankfully. Bucky ached though. He wished he could go back in time and never find the damn photo. Everything had been so good and now everything was horrible. His world had been so bright and wonderful, but now he could feel himself shuttering inwards, closing up against the world. He felt smaller.

Bucky was too busy feeling like crap to notice his surroundings until he was almost home and finally looked up from his feet to see Steve sitting there on his steps. Steve hadn’t spotted him yet. Bucky just couldn’t deal with this. He turned and practically ran back down the street, not noticing if Steve had noticed him, but just keeping going until he got back to the subway and back on a train to Manhattan.

It was only then that he realised he had nowhere to go. That thought struck him hard. He was basically all alone in the city and Steve had been his only friend and now he’d lost both his friend and boyfriend, just like he was scared would happen. Bucky slumped onto a seat. He wasn’t going to cry on the subway, he just wasn’t.

He had two options, he realised. He could wander around and go home later and hope Steve wasn’t still there or he could call Wanda or Tony—the only other people he knew in the city. Somehow, even though he felt embarrassed about it, he knew Tony was the right choice. Even though he was his boss, he felt sure that Tony wouldn’t judge him.

As soon as he was back at surface level, he called Tony. He’d never called him before, but he knew from his schedule that Tony wasn’t out at an event tonight at least. He hoped he’d pick up.

“Barnes?” Tony sounded surprised when he picked up the phone.

“Hi, Tony. Umm, are you home? I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?” Bucky asked nervously as he looked up at Stark Tower.

“Are you quitting?” Tony asked.

“No, nothing like that.” _Though you might fire me for asking you this_ , Bucky thought. “I was just…I sort of need a place to stay tonight and I was wondering…no, you know, forget it, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even bothered you with this, sir,” Bucky stuttered, trying to take it back. He was being so unprofessional and stupid.

“Barnes,” Tony said gently. “Come on over, alright?”

Bucky was surprised by his kind tone. “I…okay, thank you, si—Tony. I’m actually nearby, I’ll be right up.”

Walking into the office not to work was weird. He went to Tony’s office to find him waiting there. He looked up as Bucky entered.

“You okay, Barnes?” he asked, his eyes glancing over Bucky.

“Yeah, I’m…” Bucky couldn’t finish. He wasn’t alright.

“Come on,” Tony said, already walking to the door opposite the one Bucky had entered from. He put his hand on a keypad and opened the door, leading Bucky through to his apartment.

Bucky had never seen it before. Tony led him through to a living and kitchen area. It was huge and modern, with beautiful fixtures and furniture, and lots of glass and chrome, but it was not at all homely. It didn’t feel like anyone lived there.

Tony gestured for him to sit on the large leather sofa, so he did, and when Tony came back over he passed Bucky a drink. Surprisingly, it was water. He’d sort of expected scotch or something.

Tony sat down opposite him. “Okay, what happened? What’s going on?” he asked.

Bucky felt so stupid again for bothering Tony with this. “I’m so sorry, I really shouldn’t have bothered you, you’re probably busy…”

“Barnes.” Tony said his name firmly, stopping his babbling. “It’s alright. Just tell me why you need a place to stay.”

Bucky looked down at his hands where they were holding the glass Tony had given him. “I, umm, I can’t go home right now. My boyfriend, or umm, ex-boyfriend now is waiting there.” And god did it hurt to call Steve his ex-boyfriend. He could feel his voice shaking as he said it.

“Has he hurt you or threatened to do something?” Tony asked with a surprising amount of concern.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Bucky said quickly. Steve wouldn’t hurt him. “I just…I left him and he’s not…taking it well. Wants to talk and try and work things out and I…don’t,” Bucky explained in the simplest way. “When I got home, he was sitting there waiting and I just couldn’t face it and then I sort of realised I had nowhere to go…” He trailed off. He was stupid. He could have gone to a hotel or something instead of bothering his boss.

“You can stay here, it’s not a problem,” Tony replied.

Bucky looked up in surprise. “Really?”

“Of course. It’s not like I’m drowning in company. Is this the guy who put a tracking app on your phone by any chance?”

Bucky hesitated with his answer. “I mean, technically yes, but he had a reason for that.”

Tony looked sceptical about that. “Right.” He looked Bucky right in the eyes. “I need you to level with me. Is this guy likely to try and hurt you?”

Bucky shook his head instantly. “No, he would never.” He wasn’t scared of Steve. He knew Steve wouldn’t ever hurt him, at least physically. He’d just broken his heart into mangled pieces again—back to its natural state. “He just…he doesn’t want me to leave him.”

“Okay.” Tony let out a breath. “You’re going to stay here tonight. If you want to go home tomorrow, you take one of my security guys with you. If he’s still hanging around, you’ll pick up some stuff and come back here.”

Bucky felt some of the worry leave him. “Thank you, Tony. Really, it’s…just thank you.” He didn’t know what to say.

“You had dinner?” Tony asked.

Bucky shook his head.

“I’ll order something. You like that place from that time when we had lunch with Eric?” Tony offered, already on his phone.

“Sure,” Bucky agreed. He knew which place Tony meant. “Thanks, Tony,” he said again, looking him in the eyes, trying to convey just how thankful he was. He’d never expected to have a great boss that he could also count on outside of work.

Tony just nodded with a slight smile. As he started talking, Bucky’s phone beeped.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** Bucky are you okay? You haven’t come home

Bucky felt a little pain slice through him at the stupid name he’d saved Steve under. He tried to ignore it. He’d sort of suspected Steve might wait there a long time, but this confirmed it. It also confirmed that he hadn’t seen Bucky show up and then run away. Bucky took that as a small victory. He didn’t want Steve to know how much he’d affected him for some reason.

Bucky ignored the message. His phone beeped again, a few moments later.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** Please just let me know you’re safe?

Bucky read it then deleted the message. He took another sip of the water Tony had given him. His phone started ringing. He quickly rejected the call as Tony turned and looked over at him, still ordering food on the phone. The phone beeped again, informing him of a voicemail message.

Bucky couldn’t help himself, he called to listen to it.

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice came down the line, sounding panicked, “please, I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but please just let me know you’re okay and you’re safe. I’m really freaking out here. I don’t know where you might have gone and I’m really scared. Please,” Steve finished, his voice sounding choked, almost as though on the verge of tears.

Bucky disconnected and felt like shit. He’d forgotten. Forgotten how Steve was, how he’d explained how panicked he got about the people he loved and how he needed to know they were safe. Bucky might have been angry and hurt and they were over, but that didn’t mean he had to be a monster about it.

He opened his messages and typed a simple reply and sent it.

 **Bucky:** I’m safe

Steve’s reply was almost instantaneous.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** Okay. I love you Bucky

Bucky swallowed hard, reading the message. It hurt. This whole thing fucking hurt and he hated it. He barely noticed Tony was off the phone until he came and took Bucky’s phone from his hand gently and set it down on the coffee table.

“Come on, I’ll show you your room and you can get settled before dinner arrives,” he offered kindly.

Bucky nodded, not trusting himself to speak right then. Both Steve’s messages and Tony’s incredible kindness were really getting to him.

 

****

 

Bucky had hoped the next day would be better. It was in some ways. Tony had given him, not even leant, but _given_ him a brand new shirt to wear the next day—one of his, clearly very expensive. He’d then informed Bucky that if he wanted to stay the next night, that he would get some new clothes delivered for him in his size. Bucky guessed it was easy to be generous when you were as rich as Tony was, but Bucky could feel that he actually cared. It was really nice, to have someone looking out for him.

He made sure to do an extra good job at work the next day, so Tony would know he could handle things and it _did_ make him feel better. Focusing on work kept his mind off Steve. At least until Steve showed up downstairs around lunchtime.

Security had called him, as was procedure, to see if he was allowed up seeing as he wasn’t on Tony’s appointment list that day. Thank god they had called Bucky rather than Wanda. As upset as he was, Bucky didn’t want to do anything to damage Steve’s career. There was a reason he hadn’t told Tony they were dating and he wasn’t going to tell him now that Steve was his boyfriend. _Ex_ -boyfriend, Bucky’s brain had reminded him, sadly. So Bucky simply told security that Tony was too busy and Steve couldn’t come up for an impromptu visit.

Later that day, security brought up another bunch of flowers for Bucky. Bucky sighed as his stomach clenched. Steve was single-handedly making security hate him. He tried to look apologetic as the security guy dropped them off—it wasn’t even the normal grumpy guy, maybe he’d had enough of being a delivery man already.

They didn’t have a card. Bucky held them out to Wanda. “Want some flowers?” he offered.

Wanda looked at him curiously. “Sure,” she shrugged.

By the end of the week, Wanda’s apartment must have looked like a florist because there had been fresh flower deliveries every single goddamn day. Every time she took them home when Bucky offered, without question.

Bucky was seriously considering talking to Steve just to stop the flowers coming, but he told himself to stay strong. Steve would have to stop eventually.

As crazy as it sounded, he’d ended up staying for the rest of the week at Tony’s. He hadn’t even left the building once. Tony had provided him with both clothes and company. Bucky worked late every day, keeping Tony company, and then later they watched movies and ate dinner together when Tony didn’t have an event to go to. Tony didn’t push him even once for a day when he might go home. Bucky told him every day that he was going to go back that day and every time Tony replied with “only if you really want to” so Bucky had somehow ended up staying.

Still, he couldn’t impose forever, no matter how fine with it Tony was. He was also very aware that Steve must know where he was now, because he was sure he’d probably waited at least once for Bucky to leave after work and Bucky had never appeared. So far Steve hadn’t caused any problems or made a scene, but Bucky wasn’t sure if he might. He just didn’t know how far Steve might take this.

The worst part of it was Bucky _missed_ him. He missed him so badly, it was a painful ache in his chest. Steve had made him feel loved and wanted and for lack of a better word, special. Almost precious. Bucky hated how much that affected him, how much he wanted to feel like that again, to feel like he was the only person in the world for Steve. Hiding away at Tony’s meant he didn’t have to face reality so much, but he couldn’t do it forever.

On Friday evening he went into Tony’s office. “I think I’m going to go back to my place tonight,” he said as Tony looked up as he entered.

“You don’t have to,” Tony said immediately.

“I know,” Bucky slightly smiled at him. “But I need to. I can’t hide forever.”

“Do you want one of my guys to go with you?” Tony offered.

Bucky shook his head. “I’ll be fine. I promise,” he added at the worried look on Tony’s face. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me though. You’ve been so kind and generous—”

Tony held his hand up to cut Bucky off, his face going red. “None of that. It’s been fun having you around.”

Bucky smiled in disbelief. “Really?”

Tony shrugged and looked a little uncomfortable. “You may have noticed, I don’t really have that many people I actually like to spend time with.”

That was true. Tony was often surrounded by people, but Bucky thought he could count on one hand the number that he actually seemed to enjoy talking to. Bucky just hadn’t really realised that it included him.

“So maybe we can still watch movies sometime?” Tony continued, very casually.

Bucky could tell he was bracing himself for Bucky to say no, like he expected Bucky to just use him for a place to stay and then go back to being an employee. But Bucky wasn’t going to do that. Somehow the one good thing to come out of this was Tony was now not just his boss, but also his friend.

Bucky smiled at him. “I’ll get Wanda to put it in your schedule.”

Tony nodded, a small smile appearing on his face for a moment. “You’re sure you’ll be okay going home?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, gotta deal with it sometime, right?”

Tony sighed. “I suppose you do. Call if you need anything.”

Bucky nodded again. He sort of wanted to hug Tony but he didn’t know if it was appropriate, so he settled for a small wave and another thanks, before heading out. He was sad to be leaving—it had honestly helped having someone there with him—but he couldn’t put his life on hold forever. He had to go home sometime.

 

****

 

Bucky’s weekend was surprisingly quiet. Steve hadn’t been at his door waiting and he only sent a few texts—just the same thing again, little messages asking Bucky to talk to him. Bucky’s heart ached every time he read them. He knew he should probably block his number or something, but he didn’t have the heart to do it. Instead he tried to focus on chores that needed doing and simple tasks like grocery shopping.

It was harder at night, when he was alone. He missed Steve’s presence, missed his warm hard body pressed up against him as he slept. He couldn’t bring himself to go running without Steve. It just didn’t feel right. He supposed he would have to get used to feeling this way, but it was so hard. Sometimes he wondered if he’d overreacted. Maybe…

Bucky shook his head, to try and force the thoughts away. He didn’t need maybes plaguing his existence.

Still, on Monday morning he found himself being stupid. He got his normal train instead of getting an earlier one. He pretended to himself that it was because he’d have to deal with seeing Steve eventually, but really he was just lying to himself. He just wanted to see him. It had only been a week, but it felt like the longest week of his life.

He purposely chose to get on the car one down from his usual one though. Then he positioned himself near the end door so he could see into their normal one.

The train was already busy as usual and filled up further at Steve’s stop. Bucky’s heart pounded as he looked for him and then it sort of stopped as he spotted him, standing down near the doors where he’d got on. He was looking around, clearly hoping to see Bucky there. Bucky couldn’t see his face properly, but that was probably for the best. He didn’t need to see if Steve looked as heartbroken as he felt.

Bucky watched him for almost the whole train ride, safe in the knowledge that Steve hadn’t spotted him, but somehow enjoying watching him, even if it did still hurt at the same time. Two stops before his though, someone moved round Steve to get off the train, causing him to glance up and directly towards Bucky. Bucky watched as Steve saw him, did a double take and then froze.

Bucky should stop looking, he knew he should, but for a moment they were just staring at each other. He saw Steve take an instinctive step forward before he seemed to realise there was no way for him to get through all the people easily to get closer. So he just continued to stare sadly at him, until Bucky finally got the will to tear his gaze away.

Bucky then realised how stupidly weak he’d been because, of course, when they reached his stop, Bucky glanced over and saw Steve was getting off the train too.

He could run, Bucky thought. But there were so many people he wouldn’t be able to move very fast and also it just seemed pathetic. He didn’t want to be a coward anymore. So instead he squared his shoulders and tried to walk on like it was any other day, which he supposed it was. This was what his days were going to be like now. Avoiding Steve and wishing so badly that he didn’t have to.

Steve caught up to him once they were out on the street. Bucky thanked god that he only had a block to walk. Barely any time for Steve to try to talk to him.

Bucky felt his presence as Steve fell into step next to him, but didn’t look over. “Bucky…” Steve breathed out, his voice sounding so, so sad that it hurt Bucky’s ears. “Are you okay?”

Bucky didn’t have any answer for that. Of course he wasn’t okay, but he couldn’t tell Steve that. “Please stop sending flowers,” he said, not trusting himself to look at Steve, his voice coming out a lot softer than he meant it to.

Steve didn’t reply to that. “Please, can we just talk?” he implored Bucky, still with that horrible sad pleading tone.

“I’ve got work,” Bucky mumbled. Why did he say that? He didn’t mean that after work they could talk, he just meant he didn’t want Steve upsetting him right before he had to face the day.

Bucky reached the tower and strode towards the door. He realised Steve had stopped walking next to him as he entered the building. Thank god, Steve was actually respecting his wishes and not bothering him further. Even as he thought it though, he somehow wished he would.

 

****

 

After the weekend without Steve showing up, Bucky sort of expected that evening to be the same, so he was taken aback when he found Steve sitting on his steps as he arrived home around seven-thirty.

His first thought was again to run away as he saw Steve’s eyes go wide at seeing him. Then he thought maybe he should just tell Steve to leave him alone, because otherwise he might keep turning up like this and he couldn’t go back to living at Tony’s forever. He decided that was a better plan as he approached and Steve stood up. He could do this. He just had to keep his voice firm and strong, unlike that morning.

“You can’t keep turning up like this,” he told Steve as he climbed the steps past him and fumbled for his keys. He opened the door and Steve followed him into the hallway before Bucky even realised. Bucky hadn’t meant for that to happen. He finally got a good look at Steve and it made his heart throb again, because he was beautiful and he could have been Bucky’s and now he couldn’t and Steve looked like he was a mess, just like Bucky was.

“I’ll be here every day until you talk to me,” Steve replied.

Bucky snapped his head up at the resolve in his voice. “You think you deserve me talking to you?” he shot back, a little angry now, like all the sadness he’d been feeling was suddenly bubbling up into something else.

“Well we are in a relationship,” Steve countered.

“No,” Bucky said harshly. He hadn’t really realised just how mad he was until then. “No, we’re not. Whatever this is…or was…” he waved his fingers between the two of them, “it’s not that.”

He managed to unlock his door and fully intended on closing the door in Steve’s face because suddenly this had all just gotten way too hard and he hadn’t even meant to talk to him, but Steve didn’t let him. He literally barged into his apartment, shutting the door behind them.

“Get out,” Bucky told him, his voice wavering a little.

“No,” Steve replied firmly. “Not until we sort this out. I love you too much to let you do this.”

Bucky shrugged out of his jacket and flung it onto his sofa, because he really wasn’t sure what to do anymore. “Me? I’m not the one who ruined everything.”

“You’re the one who ran out without letting me explain,” Steve replied, his face looking hurt now, as if it was Bucky who’d hurt _him_ and not the other way around.

“I heard your explanation. You just love me so much, blah blah blah. This isn’t love. It’s obsession. And you made me fall for you, made me…” Bucky trailed off. His eyes were getting glassy.

“You think I don’t love you?” Steve sounded horrified. “How can you think that?”

“Obsession isn’t love, Steve,” Bucky replied, an annoying tear running down his face. He brushed it away frantically. He felt so messed up, like crying and yelling and screaming and begging Steve to love him all at the same time. He didn’t even realise Steve had made his way nearer until he was only a foot away.

“I’m not obsessed, Buck. Sure, I was a little infatuated in the beginning, but can you blame me? You were so beautiful and perfect and I just loved being around you. I still love being around you. I love everything about you.” Steve’s hand came up to wipe another tear on Bucky’s face as he said that and Bucky just let him for a moment.

“No.” Bucky snapped out of it forcefully, pushing against Steve’s stupidly hard chest, without even thinking about it. “You don’t love me, stop saying that.”

“Stop it, Buck. Please.” Steve sounded hurt. “I love you so much.”

Bucky tried to turn away, but Steve put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and tried to get Bucky to meet his eyes. “Stop it,” Bucky whispered, keeping his eyes firmly away, but his body somehow being too stupid to move away.

“No,” Steve told him. “You can trust me, angel. I swear. I love you.”

Bucky shook his head. He didn’t want the words to get in. They were clouding his judgement already. He wanted to believe them so badly. He didn’t realise he was shaking until Steve wrapped his arms around him, gathering him to his chest. Bucky tried weakly to push him off, but Steve stayed solid against him. Bucky’s hands were sort of pinned to Steve’s chest and Steve was kissing the top of his head, murmuring over and over about how much he loved him and Bucky just finally…gave in.

He slumped against Steve, all the fight gone. He just wanted to believe him. “Please…” he heard himself murmur through tears. “Please just love me.”

“I do. I do, I swear,” he heard Steve reply. “I love you so much it hurts.”

Bucky fucking wept on his shoulder, unable to do anything else. He’d never even cried when he found out about Brock and Wade, but now, with Steve, he was a mess. At some point Steve literally picked him up and settled down on the sofa with Bucky in his lap, curled into him, face buried in his chest. It was like every bit of hurt Bucky had ever experienced was coming out of him at once.

Steve stroked his hair. He told him over and over again that he loved him. He promised to never leave him.

 

****

 

When Bucky woke up, he was still cradled on Steve’s lap. It was dark out. He must have slept for a few hours. Steve had slid down the couch a little, but he still had Bucky in his arms. Bucky lifted his head carefully. He remembered what had happened and he felt so embarrassed. He’d gone into a full on meltdown. But Steve…Steve was still here. Steve hadn’t left him. Steve had promised again and again that he loved Bucky and Bucky…

Bucky tried to get up without waking Steve. Of course, it didn’t work and as Steve started stirring, Bucky pulled himself up and practically ran to the bathroom.

“Bucky?” he heard Steve’s sleepy voice and then footsteps. “Are you okay?”

Bucky didn’t know what he was. He was hiding in his bathroom from his boyfriend and he wasn’t even really sure why. He splashed some water on his face and glanced in the mirror. He looked awful. He took a few more moments to pull himself together and then opened the door.

Steve was standing right there waiting for him. “Hey, everything okay?” he asked gently.

Bucky shook his head. “No. I...” He wasn’t sure what to say. “If I told you to leave, would you?” he asked finally.

Steve looked crestfallen. “If you just mean tonight, then yes. If you mean forever, then no. I’m not going to lose you, Bucky.”

“Why not?” Bucky needed to hear it again.

“You know why. I love you too damn much to be without you.”

“Do you think you’ll ever stop?” Bucky asked, voice shaking.

Steve ran a hand into Bucky’s hair. “You know I’ll never stop, sweetheart.”

“You’ll always want to be with me?” Bucky asked, Steve’s hand in his hair making him shiver a little in pleasure.

“Always,” Steve murmured.

“Because you love me?” Bucky whispered.

“Because I love you,” Steve confirmed again before leaning down and kissing Bucky softly. His lips grazed over Bucky’s briefly, soft and sensual and so caring.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Bucky voice hitched as he looked at Steve. He needed to believe him so badly.

Steve ran his other hand down Bucky’s cheek. “Never, angel.”

And then Steve kissed him again and Bucky knew he meant it and he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to be with Steve. He wrapped his hands around Steve’s neck, fingers brushing into his hair.

It took a few moments for Bucky to come to his senses again and pull away. If he was going to do this, he had to know everything. He had to know there was nothing else Steve was hiding.

“Steve,” he started, and watched Steve’s face change from happy to worried. “I…I want to be with you,” Bucky said, Steve’s face changing back to happy again, “but I need you to be honest with me and tell me…tell me that there’s nothing else? Nothing else I need to know?” he said firmly.

Bucky watched as a flash of what looked like guilt crossed Steve’s face and his heart wilted. There _was_ something.

“I…I want to be honest with you,” Steve stuttered, dropping his hands from where they had stayed on Bucky’s face.

“Okay…” Bucky replied, trying to stay calm.

“But you…you have to promise you’ll let me explain, you can’t run off again,” Steve implored, his eyes boring into Bucky’s.

Bucky’s heart dropped to his stomach. This sounded bad. “I…okay, I promise. I’ll listen.” He could do that.

“Can we sit?” Steve questioned and Bucky nodded, feeling a sense of dread as they moved back to sit on the sofa.

“Okay, first, I love you and I was never trying to hurt you,” Steve started, facing him, but not touching him.

Bucky felt panic rising up in him. What the fuck had Steve done? For a moment he wished he hadn’t asked. He swallowed and just looked at Steve, waiting for him to continue.

Steve looked down at his hands where he was clasping them together on his lap. “The guy who kissed Peter? That was Thor,” he said.

Bucky felt himself frowning. He didn’t understand. “It was Thor?” he questioned. He’d thought he’d recognised Thor when they met, but he hadn’t realised from where.

Steve nodded, looking back over at him. “He came onto Peter because I asked him to.”

Bucky felt like his chest was caving in. “You…you asked him to?” he repeated, the words coming out a little choked.

“I asked him to, because I knew Peter wasn’t a good guy and I needed you to see that. Thor didn’t force him or coerce him or anything like that, he just gave him the opportunity,” Steve explained hurriedly, “and Peter took it.” Steve looked into his eyes now. “And I’m so, so sorry, because I hate that you got hurt, but Peter…you deserved so much better than him.”

Bucky remained silent, feeling his mouth open, but no words coming out as he tried to process what Steve was telling him. Steve was staring at him, waiting for him to say something, he could tell. Bucky finally managed to speak again. “How did you know?” he almost whispered.

“How did I know what?” Steve replied gently.

“That Peter wasn’t a good guy,” Bucky replied, lifting his eyes to Steve’s.

Steve let out a little breath. “I…I just did. I had a feeling.”

Bucky frowned at him. “You had a feeling? So you had no real reason to think that, except that he was dating me and so you didn’t like him?” Bucky questioned in disbelief.

Steve was starting to look a little panicked now. “Okay, yes, partly, but it was more than that, like intuition or something.”

“So you set him up?” Bucky couldn’t believe it. He heard his voice rising, getting angrier.

Steve shook his head, his hand reaching for Bucky’s, but Bucky pulled away. “It was a test, Buck. He kissed Thor. It was still him cheating on you, no matter how it came about.”

Bucky was glad he’d apparently cried out all his tears because otherwise he was sure they’d be coming again right now. Instead, anger was taking over. He stood up. “Get out of my house, Steve,” he said, hearing his voice shake.

“Bucky…” Steve started, standing up and moving towards him.

“I mean it. This is so fucked up. The pictures were one thing, but this…this is so beyond fucked up,” Bucky replied, backing up a few paces. God, he wished he hadn’t asked. He could have just lived in blissful ignorance with Steve, happy like he had been before. They’d been so close to being back together, for him to get to be with Steve again and now it was as though the previous few hours hadn’t happened.

Steve looked like he knew he’d fucked up at least. “I know. I know it was wrong, but all I could think about was being with you. I love you so much, I’ll do anything for you,” Steve implored him.

Bucky literally threw his arms up in frustration. “That’s not the kind of “I’ll do anything for you” thing people are talking about when they’re in love, Steve! They mean like, I’ll hang out with your boring family, or I’ll go to see that movie I don’t want to see, not I’ll break up you and your boyfriend just so I might have a chance with you!” God, saying it out loud made it sound even crazier.

Steve looked like he was in physical pain. “I know. I know that. I just…I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

“So it’s my fault you do these things?” Bucky almost yelled now.

“Yes!” Steve blurted out and Bucky felt that like a blow to the head, he was so shocked by his response. They were deadly silent for a moment before Steve spoke again. “You’re my fucking soulmate, Bucky, and I just…it drives me crazy sometimes.”

Bucky shook his head slowly as he took that in. “We’re not soulmates, Steve. Maybe that’s what you tell yourself, so you can act like this, but we’re not.” Bucky didn’t know if he truly believed that, because in some ways he felt that connection, the way Steve must feel it, but he said it anyway. “We’re not anything,” he said, delivering the final blow and breaking his own heart again.

“You don’t mean that,” Steve replied, his voice choked, as he stepped towards Bucky again.

Bucky was running out of steps backwards to take. “I have to mean it. This…we aren’t good together.”

Steve shook his head. “You don’t even think that yourself, how are you supposed to convince me,” he threw back.

Bucky hated that he could read him so well. He was right. They were great together and they both knew it, but that didn’t mean anything. Not now. It couldn’t. “You said you’d do anything for me. This is what I’m asking you. Please leave. Just go. Get out of here.” God, he could barely get the words out now, his voice was shaking so badly.

“For how long this time?” Steve asked him darkly.

Bucky felt his face getting hot.

“You always push me away and then you want me back. So how long are you going to punish me this time?” Steve continued.

“I…” Bucky started and found he couldn’t finish.

“I know you’re angry with me,” Steve said, his voice softer now, “but we both know we belong together. So you want me to go, then I’ll go. But I’ll be there when you’re ready to come back,” he promised, finally reaching Bucky, crowding him back against the side of the staircase and running his hand over Bucky’s cheek.

“I’m not coming back,” Bucky managed to say, fighting the urge to grab Steve and kiss him even as he said it.

Steve kissed his forehead. Bucky felt powerless to stop it. “You know I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he said offhand, before he let go and moved away, walking to the door as Bucky watched him. “I love you, angel,” Steve said, turning to look at him, before opening the door and finally leaving.

Bucky slid down to the floor as the door shut, his heart pounding in his chest, a million emotions running through him at once. He ran his hands through his hair, resting his elbows on his knees, trying to process everything that he’d just learned, and everything that had happened. He stayed there on the floor for what felt like hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, so close...
> 
> I really like this chapter. So dramatic! What did you think?


	17. My poor heart aches with every step you take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky deals with being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were like 'why has Scott Lang been tagged this whole time' - here's why!

Bucky once again found himself eternally gratefully to Tony Stark. When Bucky had called to ask, or practically beg to use his vacation days to take the week off, Tony had said okay in an instant, asked if he was okay (which of course he wasn’t, he felt like he was dying), and then made him promise to come and watch a movie when he was back.

He later got a message from Wanda hoping he was okay too and Bucky felt touched that he had managed to find two people who seemed to care about his wellbeing.

Still, he needed to get away. He didn’t know how to process what had happened with Steve and he just needed to clear his head. So he’d found himself packing a bag and boarding a train back to his hometown to surprise his parents.

His mom had practically exploded in joy when she opened the door to find him there and gathered him into a hug. He felt pretty shitty for not visiting before. He’d always meant to, but he’d been so busy. His dad had been just as happy to see him. He’d spent three days being pampered and treated like a prince, and just enjoying being home. He tried to keep up a brave face for them.

On the fourth day, Becca came over with the kids and Bucky couldn’t believe how much they’d grown and felt another wave of guilt. He made sure to be the best uncle he could be that day though, and at the end of the day he was exhausted, but at least the kids had been excellent at keeping his mind off Steve.

Steve hadn’t sent him any messages so far or tried to call him. Bucky wasn’t sure what to make of that. He hated the idea that Steve was so sure that Bucky would just come back to him, that he didn’t even have to try, but part of him knew Steve was probably just trying to give him space.

But Bucky couldn’t go back. He ached every day, practically every minute, for Steve, but how could he forgive him or trust him? He couldn’t. It was too crazy.

“Sweetie, is something bothering you?” his mom asked and he realised he’d been staring into space for longer than was normal.

“I’m okay, mom,” he lied.

She looked doubtful, because of course she knew when he was lying. “Well, if you want to chat about anything…” Winifred offered.

Bucky nodded with a little sigh, because he didn’t know where to start, even if he did want to talk about it. “I think I’m going to take a walk.”

He ended up in the local park where he’d played as a kid, and hung out late as a teenager. He sat on a bench, watching the world go by, and mainly watching the various dogs walk by, but even that didn’t help because then he thought of Lucky and that made him think of Steve.

“Bucky Barnes?” a loud voice said.

He jumped and looked to his right. “Scott Lang, is that you?” Bucky replied, bursting into a smile as he jumped up to hug his old friend.

“As I live and breathe,” Scott said, as he looked Bucky up and down. “What are you doing here? Last I heard, you were living it up in the Big Apple?”

“I’m just visiting my parents,” Bucky explained, still thrilled to see Scott. They’d been really good friends in high school and stayed in touch during college too. “I thought you were living in San Francisco?” Bucky questioned, because while they hadn’t talked in a while, they were both on Facebook and he’d read that Scott had moved there a couple of years ago.

Scott shrugged at him. “Yeah, I was. Didn’t work out.”

Bucky knew there must be a story there, but he wasn’t going to push Scott to tell it.

“So, how about you, how’s New York?” Scott continued.

“I love it there,” Bucky said honestly. “Sort of just broke up with someone though, so figured I’d come back home for a few days to chill out.” He tried to keep his voice light, like it wasn’t a big deal. But it was a big deal. It hurt to say those words out loud.

“Aww man, I’m sorry,” Scott offered, with a sympathetic face. “I think the last time I saw you, you were dating that guy Brock?”

Ugh. Bucky tried to push down the bile rising in his throat. “Yeah, dumped him. He cheated,” he explained succinctly.

“Shit.” Scott looked apologetic and tried to change the subject. “Oh hey, how’s Wade, I haven’t seen him in forever either.”

Ugh again. Another name he didn’t want to hear. “He’s the one Brock cheated with.”

Scott looked aghast now. “Fuck, I keep putting my foot in it, don’t I? I’m really sorry.”

Bucky waved a hand. “It’s cool. It was a while ago now. I mean, it sucks, but…” he trailed off. But it doesn’t hurt as much as Steve, he was thinking. And fuck, how had that happened. How did Steve become the bigger heartbreak in four months versus four years?

“Hey, do you want to grab a drink and catch up?” Scott offered.

Bucky brightened up. “Sounds great. Lead the way,” he smiled. Scott was always one of the few people in Bucky’s life who could consistently drag him out of a bad mood and make him laugh. He hoped that hadn’t changed in the last few years, as they headed out the park.

 

****

 

It turned out it hadn’t changed. Scott had managed to keep Bucky’s mind off Steve and even got him laughing, which was nothing short of a miracle. When they said goodbye back at the park, Bucky wished he had a friend like Scott in New York. He could really use someone who could cheer him up in that way.

“Hey, if you’re ever in New York, make sure you call me,” he offered as they hugged goodbye. “You can stay at my place whenever you need.”

“Seriously?” Scott asked as he pulled away.

“Of course.” Bucky meant it. He knew people sometimes just said that, but he meant it.

“Would it be completely rude if I took you up on that like right now?” Scott asked, looking a little embarrassed.

“Really?” Bucky looked at him in surprise.

“Yeah? I could really do with getting away from here, if you seriously wouldn’t mind having a house guest? I’m sort of between jobs, just trying to figure out my next move. Would be nice to get away from it all.”

Considering how going back to his empty apartment sort of filled him with dread, Bucky was more than pleased to say the least. “That would be awesome,” he exclaimed gleefully. “I’m going back on Saturday if you want to come with?” he offered.

“I’d love to. Just for a few days,” Scott smiled, looking grateful.

“Nah, you gotta stay at least a week,” Bucky told him. “I’ve only got the one bedroom, but my sofa is huge and I’ll show you round New York. It’ll be great,” he smiled.

Scott clapped him on the shoulder. “Sounds good, man.”

Bucky told him the details of the train he was getting so Scott could get a ticket and they departed with a plan to meet at the station. Bucky felt almost happy when he got back to his parents’ house, so of course he had to ruin it by checking his phone to find Steve had finally messaged him.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** Are you staying with Tony again?

Ouch. Bucky’s heart hurt. He was going to have to change Steve’s name in his contacts. He never _had_ done that after their last fight. Actually, he should probably just delete his number altogether, except the idea of that made his stomach hurt. He frowned as he read the message and wondered if Steve was hanging around his work again or had just noticed that he wasn’t on the train. The best thing to do was not to reply. He could do that. He left his phone in his room and went downstairs to watch a movie with his mom.

When he made his way to go to bed and checked it again later, there were two more messages with around an hour in between them.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** I know you’re still mad at me but you don’t have to ignore me

 **Boyfriend Steve:** I wish you’d stop doing this

Bucky scoffed at the last one. Steve wished _he’d_ stop doing this? _He_ was the one who’d ruined them. Again. Bucky half wanted to call him up and yell down the phone at him. Instead he switched the damn thing off entirely, practically slamming it down on the nightstand.

“Honey?” his mom’s voice said cautiously, and he turned to see her there in the doorway.

“Hey, mom,” Bucky said with a sigh, letting the anger dissipate out of him.

“What’s wrong, Bucky Bear?” she asked heavily.

Bucky hated her tone. He felt guilty for it. She’d shouldered so much crap from him when the whole Brock and Wade thing went down and then somehow managed to be supportive of his stupid plan to run away to New York even though he’d ended up staying gone for almost a year, only once coming back to visit for Christmas, until now.

“I’m sorry, mom,” he found himself saying.

“Oh sweetie, for what?” she asked as she gripped his hand and led them to sit on the edge of his bed.

“For not coming home before. For only coming home cause I got hurt again,” Bucky sniffed, looking at his hands.

“Who hurt you?” she asked, latching on to that part.

“I was seeing someone—”

“Steve,” she cut in. “You told me, remember?”

“Right.”

His mom’s face looked pained. “What happened with Steve? Was he cheating too?” she asked gently.

Bucky sighed again. That _would_ fit his track record. “He didn’t cheat. He just…he did something so I can’t trust him anymore. I don’t think I can forgive it.”

“Oh honey...” his mom sighed. “I don’t know what it is he did…” she started, and saw the pointed look on Bucky’s face, “…and you don’t have to tell me,” she added quickly, “but if it’s got you feeling this down, maybe you can work it out with him?”

“I don’t think so,” Bucky replied quietly.

“I’m so sorry. Seems like you must have really liked him,” she said sadly, patting his leg.

Bucky turned his head to look at her. “I loved him, mom,” he admitted. “Love him, I mean…” because that feeling hadn’t just turned off as much as he wished it had. He felt his vision getting blurry as tears started to well up in the corners of his eyes. God, he’d cried more in the last month than he had in his entire life.

His mom pulled him in for a hug. “Oh, sweetie,” she breathed out, as Bucky’s tears overflowed and ran down his face silently.

When she pulled away, Bucky wiped at his face with his hands.

“You know me, and you know I could kill anyone who hurts my boy, but I hate seeing you so upset. Forgiveness is a gift, you know,” she added with a slight smile. “Your father did some stupid things too,” she added, and Bucky huffed out an amused breath at her. “Only you know if he’s worth it though,” she continued as she stood up, patting his knee again. “Try and get some sleep. I’ll make you pancakes in the morning,” she smiled.

Bucky couldn’t help smiling back. “Thanks, mom,” he said as she wandered out. “Can I have blueberry?” he yelled after her and heard her laughing in response.

Bucky settled down for bed and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. The past couple of days he had managed to, he’d felt so exhausted. But now…his mind refused to shut off. He lay there staring at the ceiling and the little glowing stars that he’d had there since he was twelve and had never bothered removing. He wondered what Steve was doing right then. Was he home? Was he waiting at Bucky’s place, hoping to talk to him? Did he at least understand how what he’d done was wrong? Bucky willed his brain to shut the hell up, and then it helpfully made him wish that Steve’s strong arms were around him.

Before Bucky could sleep, he turned his phone back on.

 

****

 

He’d told Bucky the truth. He’d told Bucky the truth because Bucky had asked him to and Steve felt powerless sometimes to do anything less than what Bucky asked of him, but fuck, he wished he hadn’t. It had been a whole week—an endless, awful, year-long week—and he hadn’t heard from Bucky. He hadn’t seen Bucky. Bucky had disappeared off the face of the goddamn planet and Steve felt the panic that he always carried around rising up like a boiling sea inside him.

He’d intended to follow Nat’s previous advice of letting Bucky come to him. It worked before and there was no reason it wouldn’t again. Especially since now Bucky loved him and Steve knew that Bucky knew they were meant to be together, no matter what he said to the contrary. But on Friday, after he still couldn’t find Bucky anywhere—and he had looked for him on the train, at his apartment, at work, anywhere he could think of, just so he could see him—Steve had broken and sent him a message.

Bucky hadn’t responded. Even though he knew how worried Steve would get, he didn’t reply. And Steve knew, he just knew, that Bucky was punishing him. And okay, fine, maybe he deserved it, except it wasn’t his damn fault that he’d fallen in love with Bucky. It wasn’t his fault that Bucky was the most extraordinary person he’d ever met and that he just had to be with him. Like so many songs said, love made you crazy and Steve was starting to feel it. He felt like he was going out of his mind with worry, wondering where Bucky was and if he was okay. But Bucky obviously wasn’t ready to see him yet, so Steve had to stay away. He had to. Crowding Bucky now would only send him further away.

So Steve didn’t sit on Bucky’s steps on Friday night, even though he wanted to. Instead he found himself waiting across the street and down a little where he could still see Bucky’s place, without being seen himself, just to see if he came home.

He didn’t. Steve wondered if he’d gone back to staying at Tony’s, but he had no way to find out. If he was though, Bucky couldn’t stay there forever.

Steve was miserable as he dragged himself home to his cold and empty bed. He pulled out the t-shirt of Bucky’s that he’d kept, but his scent was almost all but faded from it. That realisation brought tears to his eyes.

He tried so hard on Saturday to just do normal things, but nothing was normal anymore. Saturday morning wasn’t normal without a run with Bucky. It wasn’t normal without Bucky coming back to their place—because Steve could already picture a day when Bucky moved in there with him—and it wasn’t normal without Steve getting to hold Bucky and kiss him and feel him. Normal no longer existed for Steve.

So even though he hadn’t intended on it, on Saturday night he found himself walking aimlessly through Brooklyn, except his feet knew where they were aiming and carried him back to Bucky’s place. And then, because fate both loved and hated him, Bucky was there, shining in the darkness like a glimmer of pure silver, and Steve felt the breath he’d been holding all week finally come out of him, until he saw the full picture and saw that there was another man with Bucky, going inside his apartment.

 

****

 

When they came back out the apartment, the new guy put an arm around Bucky. His Bucky. His Bucky who was just wearing his threadbare pyjama pants and a tank top that looked like they’d been hastily thrown on. The new guy had a very satisfied look on his face and then he leaned in and hugged his Bucky, Bucky’s hair falling over the guy’s shoulder like a caress.

Steve had never felt rage like it before. It felt like molten lava building up inside him, starting from the tips of his toes, spreading and engulfing him until he was walking fire. He saw himself move before he even felt it. He saw Bucky’s eyes widen as they noticed him approaching. He saw the guy’s eyes do the same as Steve pulled him back by the shoulder and yanked him away from Bucky.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered Bucky yelling and telling him to stop. Steve’s mind just didn’t process it right then because it was too busy controlling his fists. Fists that were raining down on this guy who had taken his Bucky away from him. There was so much red. Steve didn’t understand the red, but he felt red inside.

He processed that he was on top of this guy now. Something was pulling on his arm really hard. It made it harder to hit so Steve shoved at the thing pulling on him. He only registered what had happened when his Bucky’s voice cut through the red, except it wasn’t even his voice, it was just a gasp, and Steve turned to see his Bucky landing flat on his back on the street, just feet from an approaching car, its headlights shining in the dark.

Steve lurched up in bed. He couldn’t breathe. Where was Bucky? He looked around the dark room in a panic, reaching for him, but he wasn’t there on the empty bed next to him. He grabbed for the lamp, scattering all the junk on his bedside table to the floor in the process including a glass, which smashed to pieces on the floor as the room was illuminated.

 _You’re okay, Steve. Just calm down and breathe_ , he told himself as his brain finally processed where he was. He was at home, in his bedroom. He was okay. Bucky, he wasn’t there, but he wasn’t under a car either…it had just been a nightmare. The worst nightmare of his entire life, but a nightmare none the less.

He took a minute to breathe right and come back to earth, letting his mind remember what was and wasn’t real. Bucky being hurt—that wasn’t real. Him pushing Bucky, wasn’t real. Would never be real. He would cut off his own arm rather than hurt Bucky. He didn’t beat that guy to death, that wasn’t real either. But the guy…he was real. Steve had seen him going into Bucky’s house. He’d come home in agony, praying that the guy was just a friend, but Steve had no way of knowing that. So he emptied his liquor cabinet instead. Fell into bed when he couldn’t see straight anymore. Yes, that was what happened.

Logically he believed that the guy must have just been a friend, because he knew Bucky, and Bucky wasn’t the type of guy to go and find someone in a week, even if he thought they were broken up, which Steve didn’t believe they were anyway. But his heart was stupid and made up stories and confused him. It let him believe the guy was taking Bucky away from him.

Steve pressed his hands to his eyes, before spreading dampness down his cheeks as he pulled his hands down his face. God he needed Bucky. He was losing his fucking mind without him. He grabbed for his phone, but it wasn’t there. He located it on the floor where it had somehow survived the fall and carefully reached for it, avoiding the broken glass and wiping the phone off on his sheets.

 **Steve:** Bucky, please tell me you’re safe. I’m really scared.

He couldn’t push the nightmare away. Bucky was surely safe, back in his apartment, from wherever he’d been before, but Steve just…he just had to check. He knew it was unlikely Bucky would even reply, but what else could he do. When his phone lit up in his hand, he almost had a heart attack.

 **Bucky angel:** Im fine it 3am ffs

 

****

 

Bucky only just remembered writing the message the next morning. He’d been completely out of it and just typed (badly) without thinking. He wished he’d stopped his stupid sleepy self. There was a message from Steve afterwards.

 **Boyfriend Steve:** Thank you for replying angel. It means a lot.

Bucky didn’t want it to mean a lot. He wanted Steve to finally realise they weren’t together anymore and stop waiting for him. He did. He did want that. He should want that. Bucky lay there for a while, his mind in turmoil until the smell of bacon reached him and the lure was too great, so he padded down the stairs.

“Mornin’,” Scott said cheerily, from where he was frying up bacon. “Hope you don’t mind me starting without you?”

They’d gone to the grocery store when they’d arrived in Brooklyn as Bucky knew he was out of food, but he hadn’t expected to get breakfast made for him. It was a really nice surprise. “No, it’s great. I wish the smell of bacon woke me up every day,” he grinned.

“Least I could do for you letting me stay,” Scott said as he started to serve up the food and Bucky realised there were scrambled eggs as well.

“It’s cool, seriously. I wasn’t really looking forward to being on my own anyway,” Bucky admitted.

Scott looked sympathetic but didn’t ask. He passed Bucky his plate and they sat together on the sofa which was now also Scott’s bed after he refused to kick Bucky out of his own bed.

“So what do you want to do today? We could go wander the city?” Bucky suggested between mouthfuls of food.

“Sure, sounds good to me,” Scott agreed. “You can show me all the cool places.”

Bucky took his time showering and getting dressed in a black sweater and jeans and his navy pea coat. He tied his hair back into a small bun. His mother always said that you should look your best when you feel your worst, so he figured he’d try his best to do that.

He glimpsed the photo of him and Steve and the red pandas that he’d framed and put on his dresser. He sort of wished he hadn’t eaten because now he felt a little nauseous. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment and then shoved the thing inside his sock drawer and stood there for a minute trying to calm down. Then he wrapped a scarf round his neck, straightened up, and went to face the day.

 

****

 

Bucky ended up having a great day with Scott. They wandered all over the city, doing more touristy things than Bucky had ever done there before. Scott found a bunch of places the internet told him he _had_ to eat at, so they stuffed themselves full of junk as they went around. Scott also insisted on going to the top of the Rockefeller and while Bucky found the view amazing, he also tried not to notice that he could see Steve’s office building from there.

Scott was great at keeping his mind off things most of the time though. Bucky had forgotten just how funny he was. They talked about high school memories and dumb stuff they’d done, like when Scott had broken into the principal’s office, just to see if he could. Bucky had been his lookout, and not a very good one, because they’d both gotten caught and been given detention. Scott had also been there for him one hundred percent when Bucky’s sexuality had become public knowledge and he remembered Scott standing up to people for him, even though Scott had been a wiry little thing as a kid. Bucky wished they hadn’t fallen out of touch the last couple of years. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed Scott.

It sucked that Bucky had to go to work, so they couldn’t spend the next day together, but he figured they would do something fun that evening. Bucky gave Scott his spare key so he could come and go as he pleased while Bucky was at work.

Work was embarrassing to say the least. Both Tony and Wanda were really worried about him after his sudden week off. He appreciated their concern but felt like an idiot explaining that he’d broken up with his boyfriend. Again.

Wanda hugged him and made him coffee. Tony hovered and asked if he wanted to stay and watch a movie that night. Bucky explained that he had a friend staying but he’d definitely take him up on that when Scott was gone.

Bucky made sure to work really, really hard. He truly appreciated how understanding they both were, especially Tony. He couldn’t imagine any other boss being as understanding. He’d never felt more thankful that he’d gotten his job at Stark Industries.

The first two evenings, Bucky arrived home to find Scott had cooked. He said he was earning his keep even though Bucky argued there was no need. But it was nice. It felt good to have a friend there looking out for him. They shared a couple of beers and watched Netflix when Scott said he’d been out all day exploring and was exhausted.

The third night, Bucky found himself opening up about Steve. He didn’t tell Scott everything, just that they had broken up. Scott was a good listener. He also opened up about the fact that he was going through a divorce. Bucky had had no idea and couldn’t imagine how hard that was. Scott apologised that he hadn’t invited him to the wedding, but explained that they had eloped, being a couple of crazy kids who hadn’t really thought it through.

“I just think I need to figure out what to do next,” Scott commented, sipping his beer.

They’d gone out to a local bar for a couple of drinks that night, Bucky feeling bad that he hadn’t taken Scott on a night out yet.

“I mean, I guess you can do whatever you want?” Bucky replied. “My friend, Thor…” he started, thinking about if Thor was actually his friend, and choosing not to correct himself, “…he said he was glad about his breakup because it meant he could find the right person for him.”

Scott frowned. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna be grateful for my divorce for a really, really long time.”

Bucky sighed. “Yeah, same.” Thor had sounded so sure of himself, but it wasn’t the same situation as his or Scott’s. He still couldn’t push away the idea that Steve was the right person for him, regardless of how fucked up everything was between them. He wished he could. And Scott seemed to blame himself for the divorce, feeling like he hadn’t been there for his wife when she needed him.

“You miss him, huh?” Scott commented, fiddling with the label on his beer.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “All the fuckin’ time,” he admitted.

“You sure you can’t work it out?” Scott asked.

Bucky sighed again and gave Scott a wry smile. “Let’s stop with the hard questions, huh?”

Scott chuckled. “Fair enough. I still wish my soon to be ex-wife wanted to work it out though. I think I’d do anything given the chance.”

“I’m sorry, man,” Bucky said sadly.

“Just…and I know this is none of my business…but if you really love him, maybe you guys can find a way back.” Scott shrugged at him, his words a soft suggestion more than advice.

Bucky let out a breath. He didn’t really know what to say. “I don’t know. I just…” he trailed off. He really didn’t know.

 

****

 

At the end of the week, Bucky didn’t want Scott to go. It had been so nice having him around, keeping the mood light most of the time, and it was just comforting, not coming home to an empty apartment every day. Scott didn’t seem to want to leave either.

“You sure you can’t stay longer?” Bucky offered, trying to use his most tempting voice.

“I wish. Gotta get back and get all the papers done. Can’t run away forever,” Scott replied, as he packed his stuff.

 _Yeah, I guess you can’t_ , Bucky thought. “Well, if you do decide to give New York a go, let me know. I’ll see if there’s any jobs at my work,” he offered. Scott had a masters in electrical engineering, so Bucky was pretty sure there could be something suitable for him at Stark Industries if they had an opening.

“Thanks, man,” Scott said, giving him a hug. “Once the divorce is finalised, I might take you up on that.”

Scott insisted he didn’t need Bucky to go to Penn Station with him so they said goodbye at the subway, promising to keep in touch a lot better than they had been for the past few years.

Bucky went home feeling sorry for himself. He stopped by his favourite coffee shop to grab a caramel macchiato and when he got home, he decided to go for a run. He hadn’t gone in a couple of weeks because of Steve. It always helped him get out of his own head before.

He ran for ages. He went down by the water but kept going, all the way past Pier 6. It both made him feel better and worse. He did manage to focus on the running, the cold wind against his face and the feeling of his legs working and his feet pounding against the ground, but every step reminded him that Steve wasn’t there next to him.

He took a stupid route on the way home, running past Steve’s place. Why was he doing this to himself, did he just love hurting himself? He wondered if Steve was in, as he paused in front of his building. But he couldn’t bring himself to ring the doorbell.

 

****

 

Bucky quickly figured out that staying home alone made things worse. So he tried to be out as much as possible. That was his new solution to the ache in his heart and the empty feeling in his stomach. He worked late each day, even when he didn’t really need to. He got lots done and felt really efficient at least. When Tony figured out what he was doing, he started having him over after work whenever he was free. They worked their way through Bucky’s favourite superhero movies and Tony ordered in way too much food every time.

It was nice. He got to know Tony more. One night, Tony had even opened up about his own breakup that had hit him hard. Bucky would have never have guessed that Tony was carrying that around with him. He still wasn’t over it and was holding out hope that she would change her mind one day. But for now he was respecting her wishes and keeping his distance. Bucky couldn’t help but feel like that sounded exactly like Steve. Bucky knew Steve was waiting for him to come back.

So he and Tony nursed their broken hearts over Chinese food and Thai food and Indian food and kept each other company. It was good to know they had each other at least.

Bucky also started spending time out around the neighbourhood, trying new places by himself. He’d always meant to when he’d first moved there, but then he’d met Peter and his plans to expand his horizons had sort of fallen by the wayside. But now it seemed like a good time to do it. It wasn’t so bad. Casual places were fine to go to alone. Most of the time it didn’t make him feel any lonelier at least, and at least it got him out of the house.

It had been over two weeks since he’d last heard from Steve. He waited to feel better about it, but it got harder instead of easier. Bucky even found himself back at the zoo, watching the red pandas one day. He wanted to go back. He wanted it so badly, but he just didn’t know if he could. He didn’t know how to trust Steve anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the dream fake-out. I had to! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading and kudosing and commenting! I so appreciate it. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter? :) Tony and Scott ftw am I right?
> 
> I am so not ready for this to end :( Last chapter (sob) will be on Friday or Saturday.


	18. You belong to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

After another week and a half, Bucky felt like he was losing his mind. He was still angry with Steve, except now he was angry that Steve still hadn’t tried to contact him and he hated himself for it. It was so stupid, but it hurt to think that maybe Steve had given up. Even though Bucky knew that was what he should want, he just couldn’t. He felt his resolve slipping more and more each day—as much as he tried to fight his feelings, he just didn’t know how to.

He found himself getting his normal train in the mornings again, getting on a different car, but Steve was never there. It was like he’d disappeared entirely from Bucky’s life. Maybe he’d come to his senses and realised Bucky wasn’t coming back. Or maybe he’d realised Bucky wasn’t worth it. Bucky tried to push that idea away. That was just a remnant, left over from his Brock days—that voice telling him he wasn’t good enough for anybody to want. Because Steve _did_ love him, Bucky believed that at least. In fact, that was part of the problem—that Steve loved him _too_ much, too much to be healthy.

Bucky rubbed at his eyes, staring at his computer screen. He’d been looking at the same meeting notes for over fifteen minutes and hadn’t made it past the first line. He really needed to focus.

Wanda set down a cup of coffee on his desk and Bucky looked up gratefully. “You seemed like you needed it,” she said, giving him an understanding smile.

“Thanks, you’re the best.” Bucky gave her a small smile back. It seemed to be all he could manage right then.

“You’ve been working so hard lately, don’t forget to take a break sometimes,” she added as she moved back to her desk.

“I will,” Bucky promised. It felt nice to have Wanda looking out for him, but working a lot lately helped keep his mind off things. Or it had. It seemed to be getting harder and harder to focus.

He took a tentative sip of his coffee, finding it just cooled enough to not burn his mouth off. “Caramel syrup?” he questioned, looking up at Wanda.

“You really looked like you needed it,” Wanda grinned.

Bucky smirked. “You know me too well.”

He savoured his coffee, but the stupid thing triggered him into more thoughts of Steve. He remembered when Steve had bought him bags of coffee before he knew which was Bucky’s favourite. He’d long since learnt Bucky’s favourites—he knew his favourite _everythings_. Bucky had lost track of the amount of times Steve had pulled out something simple like a candy bar he loved, or grabbed him his favourite caramel coffee, or presented him with a new book from one of his favourite authors. Steve had always been so attentive.

If Wanda hadn’t been there, Bucky would have groaned out loud. _Fuck you, brain_ , he thought. How exactly was it helpful for his stupid brain to keep going over the past, reminding him of what he didn’t have anymore?

He took another sip of coffee and tried to focus again, but his brain just wouldn’t stop plaguing him with maybes. Maybe it didn’t have to be like this. Maybe he could forgive. Maybe there was a way to move past it. Maybe he could be with Steve again. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

His phone started ringing, jolting him out of his thoughts, even as his stupid heart leapt when he automatically thought that maybe it could be Steve. He frowned when he checked and saw it was a number he didn’t recognise, but he picked up anyway.

“Hey, Bucky? It’s Sam,” the voice said. “Steve’s friend?” it added, when Bucky didn’t respond.

“Right, yes, hi, how are you?” Bucky said, remembering basic manners, while wondering why Sam was calling him. He’d never called him before.

“Look, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Steve…he’s in the hospital.”

Bucky’s heart stopped beating. He forgot how to breathe. His whole world, as small as it was, came crashing down for a moment, burying him beneath the rubble. “Is…is he okay?” he finally managed, his voice weak and breaking.

“I really don’t know, man. He was in an accident, but they won’t tell me the details. Just that he’s in surgery.” Sam sounded really scared.

“Why are you calling me?” Bucky asked stupidly, unable to process that Steve was in surgery right at that moment.

“Because you’re his boyfriend?” Sam replied, sounding stunned by the question, like Bucky was an idiot.

Steve hadn’t told him, he realised. Either that or Steve actually thought Bucky still _was_ his boyfriend. It wasn’t the time to get into it. “I, uh, right…” Bucky stumbled over his words. Nothing was making sense in his head right then. He just kept picturing Steve lying in a hospital bed.

“I’m sorry, I know this must be a shock. When can you get here?” Sam asked. “Please say soon,” he implored.

And suddenly everything between them didn’t matter because of course Bucky was going to be there. “Which hospital?” Bucky asked, and Sam reeled off the name and floor he was on. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes, tops,” Bucky promised, hanging up the phone and already rising from his desk.

“Is everything okay?” Wanda asked him, her face full of concern when Bucky glanced up.

Bucky shook his head as he gathered his things, feeling his hands shaking a little. “My…my boyfriend,” he said, stumbling over his words and leaving out the ex part. “He was in an accident and he’s in the hospital. I need to go,” he explained, grabbing his coat and pulling it on, flapping around trying to get his arm into the sleeve.

Wanda rose from her desk. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, is he okay?” she asked, genuine concern on her face.

“I…I don’t know. They said he’s in surgery,” Bucky explained, flinging his scarf round his neck. What if he wasn’t okay? What if…?

Wanda pulled him in for a quick hug. “Go. I’ll call down and get one of the cars to take you and I’ll let Tony know,” she told him.

Bucky looked at her gratefully. “Thank you,” he said, trying to convey just how thankful he was, blinking back the tears that were forming at the corners of his eyes.

She nodded. “Call me if you need anything, anything at all.”

Bucky nodded as he headed for the elevator. “I will.”

“And let me know how he is,” she added as he stepped in.

He nodded again as the doors slid closed. He spent the elevator ride down trying to pull himself together. This wasn’t the time to fall apart.

It took him almost exactly thirty minutes to get to the hospital and they were thirty of the worst minutes of his life. He ran inside and took the stairs to the fourth floor when the elevators were taking too long and finally he found Sam, waiting in the hallway by himself.

“Bucky,” he said, as he saw him approaching. He pulled Bucky in for a hug.

“Any news?” Bucky asked him.

Sam looked broken, like he was barely holding it together. He shook his head. “They won’t tell me anything. What sort of stupid-ass rule is that? I obviously care about him, why can’t they just say if he’s okay?” he raged.

“I…I’ll go and ask,” Bucky said, already heading away to the nurse’s station. “Maybe they’ll tell me.”

It _was_ a stupid rule, because being Steve’s boyfriend meant they would tell him a little. Sam should have just pretended and said he was Steve’s boyfriend to get the information, it’s not like they had a way to check.

He hurried back to Sam, trying to keep it together as he processed what the nurse had said, as Sam gave him a worried look. “He was hit by a car,” Bucky explained. The nurse hadn’t given him many details, so he couldn’t really expand on that. “He has a suspected broken arm and internal bleeding, so that’s why he’s in surgery, but he didn’t know how bad it was.” Or he wouldn’t tell him. One of the two. He tried to just relay the information without thinking about the fact that Steve was somewhere possibly being cut open right now. “Did you call his other friends?” Bucky asked, feeling a little sick, trying to keep the thoughts away.

Sam nodded. “Nat and Clint are on their way. Thor is out of town. Are you okay?” Sam asked him as they stood in the hallway.

Bucky didn’t know what he was. “I…I’m not really processing it, I don’t think,” he admitted, realising he was shaking a little, as he sunk onto one of the uncomfortable hospital hallway chairs.

Sam sat next to him. “Me either. I called you as soon as I got here, when I realised they hadn’t. I think Steve still had me as his emergency contact. Should be you really, huh?” Sam attempted a small smile.

It should be him, Bucky thought. Except they hadn’t talked in weeks. Bucky couldn’t reply. Sam seemed to understand that he was overwhelmed. They sat quietly for a long time, helping to calm each other down whenever either of them had a momentary freakout while waiting so long. After an hour or so, Sam went to get them coffee. A little while after that, Nat and Clint arrived. They both hugged Bucky, and they too seemed unaware of Bucky and Steve’s change in relationship status, so Bucky just let them believe that they were still together. It seemed easier.

More hours passed until finally, finally, Steve was being wheeled down the corridor to the room behind them. They all got to their feet as he was wheeled past and Bucky caught a glimpse of his face, pale and unconscious, before the door was shut. His heart lurched with worry.

When the doctor finally came out, Bucky practically pounced on her. “Is he okay? What happened? Can I see him?” he asked, his words coming out in barely intelligible rush.

The doctor held up a hand. “And you are…?”

“I’m his fiancé,” Bucky said without hesitation, upgrading his status so he’d hopefully be given more information than the nurse had provided. He saw Sam’s eyes widen at him and he shook his head a tiny bit so Sam knew that they weren’t really secretly engaged, and Sam’s face relaxed again.

The doctor nodded. “He’s stable and he should be okay,” the doctor told him and Bucky heard the others let out sighs of relief, while his own heart started beating again. “He’s going to be here for a couple of days at least though.”

“Can I see him?” Bucky asked instantly.

The doctor nodded. “You all can, but not all at once, okay? He’s not conscious yet, though.”

“I don’t care, I need to see him,” Bucky replied.

The doctor nodded with a little smile, as though people said that to her all the time, which Bucky supposed they did, and she pushed open the door for Bucky to step through.

He was at Steve’s side in an instant. He had bruises marring his beautiful face and he was pale and his left arm was in a cast and there were wires and things and machines beeping, but it was Steve. His Steve. Lying there looking so vulnerable and small and Bucky finally burst into tears. He reached for Steve’s hand and took it as gently as possible as he cried over him, all the fear and worry he’d been feeling for hours finally pouring out of him.

But he was going to be okay, he reminded himself. That was what the doctor had said. But what if he hadn’t been? What if Bucky had lost him today and the last fucking thing he’d said to Steve was to leave him alone? Nothing that happened mattered anymore. Bucky just did not care. Steve was hurt, Steve could have died and Bucky…Bucky was never going to waste another minute not being with him. He didn’t care if it was crazy. Steve was his.

He stayed by Steve’s side for what felt like a long time, his tears eventually stopping, wishing Steve would wake up so he could see those bright blue eyes again. Sam eventually poked his head in. “Can we switch?” he asked, clearly anxious to see Steve.

Bucky barely looked up from his vigil at Steve’s bedside. He shook his head. “Just come in. I don’t give a fuck what the doctor says. I’m not leaving.”

Sam walked in, so there must not have been a doctor around anyway. “Jesus…” he breathed out as he saw Steve.

“He’s okay,” Bucky told him firmly. “He’s gonna be okay.” It was as though if he said it enough, it would definitely be true. He was still clasping Steve’s hand.

“Of course he is,” Sam agreed. “Ain’t nothing that’ll hold him down.”

After a few minutes, Sam switched out with Nat and Clint. They all offered him support and then food and more coffee and anything else he needed. They were good friends. Bucky was glad Steve had them. It reminded him to text Wanda, which he did one-handed so he didn’t have to let go of Steve’s hand.

She sent him back a sweet message, and then, a few minutes later, he got a message from Tony as well, offering his support, as well as offering to get the best doctors in the city there if he needed them. Bucky was so touched, he almost started crying again. He sent them both messages back thanking them profusely, promising he’d let them know if he needed anything.

Bucky stayed there waiting for Steve to wake up. He memorised every inch of his face, taking in his long eyelashes that were grazing the tops of his cheeks, and the gorgeous curve of his lips, which were far paler than normal at that moment, and the light stubble on his jawline. He felt like it had been months since he’d seen him.

It was another couple of hours before Steve’s hand moved under his. Bucky lifted his eyes to Steve’s face to see his eyelids fluttering a little, before they finally started opening slowly.

“Steve?” Bucky breathed out urgently.

His eyes finally fully opened and took a minute before they found Bucky’s. “Bu…” he started before coughing.

Bucky was instantly on his feet, finally letting go of Steve’s hand. “I’ll get the doctor, see if you can get some water,” he told Steve, his heart buzzing.

“No, wait,” Steve whispered, his voice still dry sounding, and Bucky paused. “You’re here?”

Bucky smiled sadly at him, looking into those beautiful eyes. “Of course I’m here. I’m your fucking soulmate, aren’t I?”

He watched as a slow smile appeared on Steve’s face, as though he couldn’t believe it, his eyes lighting up with what looked like pure joy.

“I’ve gotta get the doc,” Bucky said again. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Then he leant in and placed the gentlest kiss he could on Steve’s forehead before heading out quickly to find a doctor.

Bucky paced in the corridor with Steve’s friends while they waited for the doctor to check Steve over.

“He seems to be doing fine,” the doctor said when she reappeared. “Still, I don’t want to overwhelm him and he needs to rest, so one at a time, okay?”

Sam frowned at the doctor and looked over at Bucky. “Is it okay if I…?”

Bucky nodded. Sam was Steve’s best friend—he couldn’t really take precedent over him again. Sam headed into the room while Bucky waited. Nat and Clint went to make some calls, leaving him alone for a little while. He felt exhausted all of a sudden. He’d been so anxious, waiting, and now…now he knew Steve was okay. He was okay. Bucky took a few slow breaths, trying to control himself and calm down.

Eventually Sam came out the room. “Your boyfriend is an asshole,” he said as he appeared, and Bucky frowned at him. “I’m all trying to be supportive, best friend and all, making sure he’s okay, but nooo, he’s all “where’s Bucky, I want to see Bucky”,” Sam mimicked, rolling his eyes.

Bucky laughed. It felt weird to him, like he hadn’t laughed in months. “Sorry, Sam.” That did sound like Steve.

“Whatever man, you get to enjoy taking care of his whiny ass.” Sam shook his head in mock annoyance.

Bucky clapped him on the shoulder as he went past and back into Steve’s room. He paused a couple of feet from the bed as Steve, who was now in an almost sitting up position, looked up at him.

“Hey there,” Bucky said softly.

“Bucky,” Steve smiled and reached his good hand out towards him.

Bucky gave him a little smile back and moved closer until he was standing next to Steve’s bed and gently took his hand.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” Steve said, as Bucky looked at that beautiful face again and hated the bruises and cuts on it.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked.

“Like I got hit by a car,” Steve joked.

“Not funny,” Bucky replied with a frown. “What if you’d gotten really hurt or…or worse?” He didn’t even want to think about that. He felt sick at the idea of what could have happened. “And how the fuck did you get hit by a car in the first place?”

Steve just shrugged at him and then winced a little, like the movement hurt. “Guess I’m not so good at taking care of myself.”

Bucky sighed and perched himself on the edge of Steve’s bed, still holding his hand, but using his other hand to brush back the hair from Steve’s forehead. “Well it’s a good thing that I’m here to look after you then, isn’t it.” He felt like he’d already decided before he even got the call from Sam, but this had just sped him along. He couldn’t be apart from Steve anymore. He just couldn’t.

Steve looked at him with those big blue eyes, hope written clearly across his face. “You mean it, angel? Not just for today? You’re not going anywhere?”

Bucky let out a breath. “No, not without you,” he said, unable to keep the soft smile from his face. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.” He ran his hand carefully down the side of Steve’s face. “But if you ever do anything like this again, I’ll kill you,” he added, glaring into Steve’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said softly, leaning into Bucky’s touch.

“I’m sure it wasn’t really your fault,” Bucky replied, relenting.

“No,” Steve grasped his hand tighter, “I’m sorry for everything, everything that happened…”

Bucky looked down at their hands where they were entwined. “I know,” he said softly, before raising his eyes back to meet Steve’s. “We have a lot to talk about, you know? But I want to,” he said with a soft smile. “I missed you,” he admitted.

“I missed you so much, angel. So, so much. And it was all my fault and I…” Steve paused his slight ramble and took a breath, looking earnestly into Bucky’s eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes, I promise.” Steve smiled at him, his eyes glassy in the light. “I love you, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled back. “I know you do,” he said, before leaning down and kissing Steve gently. Steve let out a little happy-sounding sigh. Bucky looked into Steve’s eyes and played with his hair again. “I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Epilogue_

 

Steve’s recovery wasn’t too slow, which was great because Steve was a terrible patient. Bucky lost count of the times he’d found him trying to get up or walking around or doing something equally stupid, when he’d been told not to.

When Steve was discharged, Bucky spent as much time as possible at Steve’s, looking after him, to the point where, after the first couple of days, he grabbed a bag of his things and basically moved in for a while.

Somehow, after Steve was back at work and fully recovered, finally getting his cast off, Bucky just…didn’t move back home to his apartment. They barely had a discussion about it—it just happened. When his lease was finally up, Steve, Sam and Thor helped move his stuff fully into Steve’s place. And he really loved it there. Not just because Steve’s place was so damn nice, though that was a bonus, but because Bucky got to go to sleep with Steve every night and wake up with him every morning, which was what he wanted. He didn’t want to be apart from him again.

Bucky knew it was fast, but it just seemed right. And the timing ended up being perfect. Scott had called him to take him up on the offer to see if there were any jobs at Stark Industries and Bucky had been thrilled to find that there were a couple of roles going that might interest him, and then was even more thrilled when Scott got one of them. Plus then he’d had the great idea of getting Scott to take over the lease at his old place, so now Scott worked in his building and lived a fifteen-minute walk away from him and Steve.

Bucky was so happy to feel like he finally had a friend of his own in the city. He still loved Steve’s friends and had even started hanging out with them without Steve sometimes, like when he went to archery class with Clint, but Scott was _his_ friend first and foremost. Plus he fit in well with Steve’s friends and Steve really liked him too. Bucky felt like everything was working out.

That wasn’t to say that it hadn’t been hard. They’d talked a lot about Steve’s behaviour and what had happened before. Bucky felt like they needed to be open about it if they were ever going to move past it. Steve had gone back to therapy, having found someone he felt was right for him. They’d both discussed it and agreed that Steve needed to if they were going to try again. Bucky didn’t want to say it was a condition of them being together, but he really felt like Steve needed it, if they were ever going to have a chance of lasting.

It seemed to be helping. Steve didn’t hide things from Bucky anymore. He talked to Bucky about his therapy and the progress they made each session. His therapist was working with him to give him ways to deal with his feelings of abandonment after all the losses he’d suffered at such a young age—first his father when he was seven, then his best friend at eighteen, and then his mother less than two years after that. For a long time Steve had been shut down, and had spent so long alone that when he felt a connection with someone, he latched on and held on tight. Bucky knew Steve’s behaviour wasn’t normal, and in the back of his mind he knew some people would judge him for staying with Steve, but Bucky could understand why Steve was like that now and Steve was working through it. And Bucky had never felt this way about anyone before. He _did_ think that Steve might be his soulmate. Maybe their love was crazy, but it was _their_ crazy.

Telling Tony about their relationship had been one of the hardest things. Steve’s main work was pretty much finished on the Tokyo building by that point, and Tony had been such a good boss and friend to him that Bucky didn’t want to lie anymore. He’d been shocked and worried when Bucky had told him, but remarkably kind when Bucky explained. He didn’t tell him every detail of course, and he could tell that Tony maybe didn’t like Steve as much as he had before, but it felt better having it out in the open.

Wanda had been surprised too, but she’d been supportive, only saying that she hoped it worked out this time. She’d never really known the details of their relationship anyway—she just thought they were very on-again off-again. Bucky really appreciated their support and lack of judgement.

Bucky had also introduced them both to Scott when he’d started at the company, and now he, Scott and Wanda had their own little friend group going at work, where Scott would come up to their floor to visit and eat lunch with them sometimes or go down to catering with one of them when they were free. Tony and Scott had really hit it off too, both sharing the same offhand and sarcastic sense of humour, and now Scott sometimes joined them for movie nights. Bucky was so glad to have them all. It was important that he had his own independence and a life that wasn’t completely entwined with Steve—something he’d been sorely missing in his previous relationships. As crazy as it may have seemed, he felt like this was the healthiest relationship he’d been in.

At Christmas, Bucky took Steve home to meet his family for the first time and he charmed them all, Becca flirting shamelessly with him right in front of her husband, while Steve went bright red. Luckily Becca’s husband was not the jealous type. Bucky had looked round at his family as they had Christmas dinner and realised, he was really happy. For such a long time he’d never expected to be okay again, let alone happy, and certainly not the level of happy that he was with Steve.

While it wasn’t always easy, Bucky knew it was worth the effort. Steve was worth the effort. One thing Bucky tried to do was to make sure that Steve knew he was loved every day. He never wanted Steve to feel insecure about their relationship. He wanted to be Steve’s rock and be there for him, just as Steve was always there for Bucky. He could never beat Steve for the love and affection he showered on Bucky though. He somehow made Bucky feel special every single day.

It was especially true right at that moment.

“Merry Christmas!” Steve exclaimed as he carried in a large cardboard box with a red bow stuck on top and set it down carefully on the floor.

They’d returned home from Bucky’s parents and were giving their Christmas presents to each other three days late after Steve had gone to run a suspicious errand somewhere when they’d got back.

Bucky got up from the sofa and frowned at the large box, wondering what Steve had got him, and then his eyes widened as he heard a little whimpering noise. “You didn’t…” he breathed out. He couldn’t have…

He untucked the top of the box, which he now noticed had holes in, and found the cutest little face staring up at him. “Oh my god! Steve!” he cooed in excitement, feeling like electricity was humming through him, he was that excited. He carefully lifted the puppy out, his heart breaking at the cuteness.

“He’s a Shiba Inu,” Steve told him as Bucky’s new baby started licking his face.

“Oh my god, I love him, I love him, I love him,” Bucky squeaked, holding his new dog close and moving closer to Steve, who put his arm around Bucky’s waist and petted the dog on the head.

“What are you going to name him?” Steve asked, his eyes sparkling at Bucky, looking extremely happy that Bucky was happy.

“Wolverine!”

“Wolverine?” Steve repeated, trepidation in his eyes.

“Hell yes, Wolverine!” Bucky grinned as he put the now slightly struggling puppy down on the floor, where he promptly started marching around like he owned the place.

Steve looked bemused but accepting. “Wolverine it is then.”

Bucky leant in and kissed Steve, wrapping his arms round his amazing boyfriend’s neck. He couldn’t believe Steve had done this. He trembled against Steve a little when Steve deepened the kiss, both of them getting a little carried away, before they finally broke apart. “Thank you so much, I loooove him and I love you,” Bucky gushed.

“I love you,” Steve replied, kissing Bucky’s hair.

Bucky grabbed his hand and pulled on it. “Come on, let’s sit with him.”

They sat on the floor of the living room with their new dog, Steve pulling out another present which was a box full of dog toys, and they played with the puppy together, Bucky almost dying from the cuteness as Wolverine ran about, occasionally sliding when he ran off the rug onto the wooden floor.

Bucky’s heart was full to bursting as he looked at the little family he’d somehow acquired, until his face was aching from smiling so much. Somehow Steve had done the impossible and outdone the red pandas.

 

****

 

Steve watched Bucky sleeping, Wolverine curled up at his feet. He smiled, watching his beautiful angel’s face, somehow still happy-looking even while sleeping. He quietly tiptoed to his dresser and got out his Polaroid camera, taking a quick photo and then moved silently down the hallway to his office.

He waved the photo as he waited for it to develop and smiled when the beautiful image came into focus. He enjoyed the picture for a few moments before unlocking his desk drawer and adding it to his box of Bucky photos, carefully placing it inside and closing the lid, smiling to himself as he locked the drawer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys...I don't even have words for how amazing the support for this weird story has been. I really hope you liked the ending. Drop me a comment below esp if you've been reading along but not commented before, I'd love to hear from you! Repeat commenters, can't wait to hear your thoughts! Thank you so much for always coming back with your thoughts on it.
> 
> I'm gonna miss ya'll so much! :( Come hang out with me on tumblr? [deadto27 on tumblr](https://deadto27.tumblr.com).


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